Creative Fat Grrl

Creative Fat Grrl was a name I invented for myself when I wrote a web column for Lockergnome. I was looking for something that felt like me, not one of the bright, trendy and excitable young people who create energetic YouTube video posts on the side. It was something I could live up to without feeling left out. I kept it going for a couple of years. The name still works for creative arts sort of posts. Most of the posts in this category will be written for that column or others.

There are 2,542 posts filed in Creative Fat Grrl (this is page 19 of 424).

Street Photography: Fashion Photography of the Ordinary

I see a lot of street photography when I look at photographs and sites that interest me. But, I never really felt they were interesting photos until today when I found the photos from Vivian Maier, vintage street photography.

Looking at those ordinary people from the 1950s was fascinating. I started with one photo and then clicked for another and another and another. Soon I had spent 20 minutes looking at street photography. I was surprised. Then I realized, street photography is like creating a snapshot of our lives, a time capsule that can be opened any day.

Without knowing the people I could see the character and the role they played in life. Seeing their background was more important than it seemed at first. The background shows other people, fashion, buildings, products for sale, and so on. Without seeing a date on the photograph you could guess when the photo was taken and where (in a general way).

I have new appreciation for modern street photography and street photographers now. We don’t have time machines so we have to record our own history as we live it.

 

Street photography gives us a look at ourselves, in our current time and (with vintage photos) our past.

Little Red Riding Hood Song

Little Red Riding Hood – Originally by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs

Who’s that I see walking in these woods?
Why it’s Little Red Riding Hood.

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood.
You sure are lookin’ good,
You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.

Listen to me!
Little Red Riding Hood,
I don’t think little big girls should.
Go walking’ in these spooky old woods alone.

What big eyes you have,
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad.
So just to see that you don’t get chased,
I think I ought to walk with you for a way.
What full lips you have.
They’re sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to Gramma’s place,
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

I’m gonna keep my sheep suit on,
‘Til I’m sure you’ve been shown,
That I cam be trusted walkin’ with you alone. (Howl!)

Little Red Riding Hood,
I’d like to hold you if I could.
But you might think I’m a big bad wolf, so I won’t.

What a big heart I have,
The Better to love you with.
Little Red Riding Hood,
Even big bad wolves can be good.
I’ll try to keep satisfied,
Just to walk by you’re side.
Maybe you’ll see things my way,
Before we get to Gramma’s place.

Hey there Little Red Riding Hood.
You sure are lookin’ good,
You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.
Little Red Riding Hood.
You sure are lookin’ good,
You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.
Little Red Riding Hood.
You sure are lookin’ good,
You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.

Is it Easy to Forgive and Forget?

You need to have a reason to forgive someone before you can start to change your feelings, to forgive them. It doesn’t happen just because someone asks to be forgiven. Sometimes just wanting to keep someone in your life in even a small way, is motivation to begin to forgive them. But, a relationship based on one person constantly forgiving someone just to keep them around is a really poor relationship to be in.

I don’t think anyone should be pressured to forgive. Some actions taken and words spoken can not ever be undone or forgotten. I’m careful about giving forgiveness I don’t genuinely feel. In this way I have also become someone who does forgive easily. Maybe that seems backwards but not every least thing is worth hanging onto. We are human, we make mistakes and some of them are pretty small and stupid. If you are going to hang onto hurt feelings it should be over something that actually matters. Not a case of holding onto your feelings because you are bitter but a case of not being able to get over your feelings because they just run too deeply and the hurt reaches into your heart and soul.

Forgiveness isn’t a one way street. The person has to ask to be forgiven, show some remorse/ regret, before the relationship can begin to change.

Some people don’t ask. They feel guilty or think they didn’t really do anything wrong or just aren’t interested in what the aftermath of their actions/ words will be. People think asking for forgiveness is too hard. They would have to make some effort, put themselves at risk, and possibly face rejection. However, how can anyone think to be forgiven if they take no steps at all to make amends?

It’s hard to feel you are the only person in the relationship, the only one trying to make it work. In the end, that just doesn’t work. I don’t think you ever really can forgive someone who doesn’t place value on being forgiven by you. I don’t mean they need to grovel or beg, nothing drastic or dramatic. I do mean, they should at least want to be forgiven and communicate that in some way. (Communication also being a two way street – it has to be given and understood).

They say it is easier to be the one who is doing the forgiving than to be the one asking for forgiveness. I don’t agree. It is much harder to be hurt and then heal from it. The person who hurt you may not care or may not know the extent of the hurt given and become annoyed because you don’t just let it go. I don’t think we should just let go of everything. There should be standards for living just as there are building codes in construction. Having a guide to the standards is what gives buildings their structure, keeps them from being unsafe. It should be the same in personal relationships. No one should be expected to forgive and if we can’t fully forgive that should not be made light of or used to make us feel guilty or less of a person.

Nine Steps to Forgiveness

  1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened.
  2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better.
  3. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that hurt you, or condoning of their action.
  4. Get the right perspective on what is happening.
  5. At the moment you feel upset practice a simple stress management technique.
  6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you.
  7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met.
  8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge.
  9. Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.

Read the full list on Forgive for Good. (This is an edited bare bones version, the site has a lot more).

Thoughts About Forgiveness

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Catherine Ponder

“You can’t undo anything you’ve already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.” – unknown

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” – Grace Hopper

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.” – Norman Cousins

“What we forgive too freely doesn’t stay forgiven.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“Without forgiveness life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” – Roberto Assagioli

ASCII Art is a Useful Skill for a Writer

We are told to bring something extra, unique, something people will remember to each query we sent for our freelance writing ideas. Most writers are limited in what they can show in text. I’m not. I’ve made ASCII art for more than 10 years (on and off). Just today I thought about how I could create something and send it along with a query letter. Not as something in the envelope but in the actual letter, on the same paper my query is typed into. This even works for email queries, though not as nicely as something I can actually print out.

What do you think?

Choosing a Positive Attitude

The title for this article is “Choosing a Positive Attitude” because I believe it is about choosing rather than ‘having’ or ‘keeping’. It’s important to choose a good attitude and then keep it because you know and understand the importance and value of it. How can you keep a positive/ good attitude if you don’t value it? The first test that comes along you will tend to fall back into your old patterns or go with whatever comes easily to you.

Even something simple like having someone ask you a question you don’t want to deal with at the time. Do you snap at them? Or, do you set your mind to giving them an answer (tell them you don’t want to answer) without showing them your first feeling of impatience, anger or frustration. You choose the attitude you show the world and you choose the attitude you feel strongest yourself. You can feel impatience and negative emotions but you don’t have to stay there and settle into them.

If you don’t choose to have a positive attitude you leave yourself open to being negative and feeling negative. We are what we feel. If you broadcast a positive feeling it comes back to you and then you feel it yourself as well. If you broadcast negative feelings they come back and you live in negativity. Which would you choose? Which would help you cope with the regular frustrations in your day? Not likely the negative attitude and feelings.

My Own Experience with Positive and Negative Attitudes – as a Department Store Cashier

As a department store cashier I experienced attitudes from many people in just one day. People tended to be busier and more easily frustrated during events like Back to School shopping sales. Over Christmas, as busy as the store would be, the customers tended to have a better attitude than I did. I was tired, feeling over burdened, and likely being asked to work a double shift after being told to start early and skip at least one of my breaks. I actually became claustrophobic in the last week of Christmas. (The cashier gets surrounded in her little booth with people leaning on it in other aisles, leaning into her to speak and be heard in the hustle and bustle. I felt trapped and would be feeling kind of desperate by the time the next cashier stepped in to take over for her shift).

So, in my own attitude, I had to choose to keep broadcasting positive feelings. I won’t pretend I didn’t crash and burn a few times. However, overall I did keep things on the good side. I dealt with people well, I gave smiles, eye contact, and conversation. I also kept my line moving, but when something slowed it down I had patience and… I had patience with people who complained about the slowdowns. Still the busy times were a drain. I would escape out to my car to be out of the building and feel I was able to be truly alone for whatever break time I had.

The interesting thing about being a cashier and seeing so many attitudes from other people was learning about myself and seeing how I approached and dealt with so many different people. One thing that surprised me was that I actually did not mind the angry people as much as I did those who would not look up at me, acknowledging me in some way. Being ignored grated on me far more than anger, ranting and bullying did. Yet, I knew the people who kept their head down were likely not thinking about how I felt. They were feeling their own inner battle with a negative attitude in themselves. Likely they felt inferior or upset in some way. I know this because I have been in that position myself. I am a shy person and I tend to feel negative about myself.

I have made myself choose a positive attitude many times. I know it isn’t easy. I know you have to battle yourself at times. I don’t always succeed and when I fail I try to let myself be human.

When I was a cashier I would take on the challenge of changing other people’s attitudes. Not making it a big deal but more like something that gave me some power when inside I didn’t feel I had much power at all. I became good at taking a customer who was grumpy or impatient and changing their attitude. When they left the store they left feeling lighter, with a smile. This was broadcasting a positive attitude. When you give someone a positive attitude they tend to like it, this makes them feel better, you become approachable in that case and they become even more open to your positive attitude. You can see how it works. A smile really can make a difference. It’s not just a gimmick.

Focus on the Good

Focus on what is good.

That sounds so simple, but it’s not.

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”. You may have heard that old saying, do you know what it means? It’s about being given a free horse and then choosing to check the horse’s teeth. If you check the horse’s teeth you are looking to set a value on the gift, likely you will find something to pick on, something that isn’t as great as it could be. Instead, accept the gift. Don’t look for negativity and then overlook the positive of being given a gift.

In your life how many times have you chosen a negative attitude when you could have focused on the positive? Focus on what you do have versus what could be better, what isn’t going well, etc.

Stuck in a traffic jam, kids fighting in the back seat, ice cream melting in the trunk of the car… but you’re in a car, you’ve got the kids (who will go back to being little darlings when they get home), and you’ve got ice cream to look forward to.

Feeling ill at work, still another four hours to the end of your shift, you’re being asked to work the weekend… but you’ve finished half your work day, extra hours will give you more money, and you’ll be feeling better once you get some lunch and sit down awhile.

You’ve been looking forward to breakfast out at your favourite diner but they’re closed early for the day… but you’re out and now you can try a new place for breakfast and see who you meet along the way.

In each case you could choose to focus on what’s going wrong. Or you can change it around and see what’s going right. Usually the negative things are just in the moment, temporary. Meanwhile the positive things are long term, dependable and often taken for granted or overlooked completely.

A positive attitude requires focus, to find it, and change to bring it about and keep it. However, it won’t work at all if you don’t make the choice to have a positive attitude in the first place.

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