A Living Wake

I read about Derek K. Miller’s living wake in his blog. Derek died May 3rd. Jade Walker posted a link to his blog and that’s how I began reading and eventually came to the post about his living wake. It’s a good idea. I’ve always thought a funeral was kind of sad because the person everyone was there to think of, give tribute to, is not able to attend.

I found another post about a living wake on Care Pages, a wife held a living wake for her husband who had terminal cancer. Of course, a living wake would only work for someone with cancer or some other disease which gave them a limited time to live. I wouldn’t want to know when I am going to die, if it were sudden, but having the time to plan and say good bye would be comforting if you knew your time was short.

A living wake is not a life celebration, where people attend after the death to remember the deceased. However, part of the living wake would be to remember the life you have lived, the people you met along the way and your accomplishments, happy moments, etc. Knowing this was the last time for so many things I’d want to take time to plan the living wake and make sure I wouldn’t regret anything I wish I had done at the time, later.

I didn’t find information about planning a living wake so I am thinking of ideas myself and putting them here for anyone who finds this useful.

• Every holiday, family birthday and occasion can be packed into the living wake. Have a birthday cake,  decorate the Christmas tree, hand out Valentine chocolates, wear New Year hats, cook a turkey and so on. Set out photos of family trips and milestones.
• Invite as many people as you can find. Host the wake outside if you can or find a place easy for people to get to and drop in. Don’t make it a long event, but something where people can drop in, sign a guest book and visit awhile. Chances are the person the wake is for won’t be a fall of fire and will need to keep it short or take a few breaks to regather energy.
• Make sure you have something people can take away with them, a signed photo, a poem, something to remember the occasion and the friend/ relative. Also, have them all sign a guest book so anyone who does not get to visit can still leave a note, maybe even a last gift if they happen to bring something.
• Serve food which can be nibbled on. A mix of hot and cold like salads would give people something to do with their hands when they don’t quite know what to say or do.
• Set up a display with photos over the years: baby to child, to teenager to adult… have a laugh at old fashions and hair styles and a favourite raggedy old sweater which everyone will remember the family/ friend wearing far too often and far too long.
• If people will understand the humour, have a roast where the friend/ family member gives some parting shots to everyone who attends (or anyone they have something they want to say).
• Use digital photos and video to record the event and play the video, show the photos so people can see them as the wake goes along. Let people share them by emailing the best/ favourite photos to each other before they go home. They could be put on an account on Flickr or Facebook to be distributed quickly.
• Let people stand up and speak if they have something they would like to say, maybe something they have planned or thought of while wandering around the room. Some last words of their own. The plan is for everyone to say goodbye while they can still be heard after all.
• If there are belongings which will be distributed in a will later why not give them now, when the  stories can be told about the belonging rather than people trying to remember how it all went later. You could even type out notes to go along with each thing and include the story behind it, the reason it’s being given to that person in particular and any other details about how it works and how it was used.
• Think about favourite music, books, films, any favourite things which you could have at the living wake in person or represented on a bulletin board or some other type of display.
• Write a short biography with personal notes and commentary added in. This would be a good way for everyone to remember happy times, old jokes and old stories.

What other ideas can you think of?