Driving your car around town is pretty tedious, walking takes forever to get anywhere, biking or skateboarding makes anyone who isn’t a teenager look weird and public transit is full of hobos. Is there no method of everyday transportation that’s both efficient and enjoyable?
Nope, there isn’t. Trust us, we checked. However, there are plenty of extremely weird methods that make up for their inefficiency with their complete lunacy. So the next time you’re stuck in an hour long traffic jam and the stereo in the car next to you is blasting “Dinosaur” on repeat, you should consider one of these alternatives.
Did you ever own a pogo stick as a child? Did you ever want to take your pogo stick to the extreme?! Well, probably not, because those things got old pretty fast, but regardless of what your childhood fantasies were, Powerisers are here to maybe answer them.
Powerisers are pretty much just springs that you strap to your legs, essentially turning you into a kangaroo. Except that kangaroos can’t do bitchin’ flips or suffer hilarious groin injuries.
The company that sells Powerisers says they were originally developed by the aerospace industry, and while we find that claim dubious, we’re too busy filling out the order form to investigate so we’ll have to take their word for it. Sure, anyone using these things for an extended length of time will probably end up with a bad case of broken spine, but it would be worth it for the ability to get to work by doing front flips over all the cars that are waiting at red lights.
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The Champiot Ultra is a vehicle that combines all the physical labour of rowing with none of the natural beauty of being on open water. So if you’ve ever wanted to row through smoggy downtown traffic then you need to get yourself one of these babies. Plus, since the ad for the Champiot uses hip music in lieu of actual information, it pretty much guarantees that you’ll look cool when you’re riding it. So what are you waiting for?
The makers of the Champiot claim that it fills “a tremendous vacuum in the exercise market” by providing an “interesting alternative to going to the gym or jogging around the block.” The 1000 dollar price tag seems pretty steep for an “interesting alternative,” but then they also claim that this thing can be used on sidewalks, bike pathways, parks and beaches, so really it’s a small price to pay for that kind of stunning versatility. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear to be fit for actual roads, but if you’re willing to fork over all that money in the first place you probably aren’t the sort of person who would let minor technicalities like that stop you.
If there’s one form of exercise even more tedious than rowing it’s running on a treadmill, so naturally someone decided to make a vehicle based around it. Now you can combine the intensity of a treadmill workout with the convenience of a bicycle, and you can get it for the small cost of looking like a complete idiot in public! (Also, you’ll need 2500 dollars.) But hey, if you don’t believe us, then just let this poorly made commercial do the talking!
OK, so all this Frankenstein monster really seems to do is make jogging needlessly more difficult, but at least now you can gain the respect of people who own cars. Not their actual respect, mind you, we’re just saying that legally they won’t be able to run you off the road. That probably won’t stop them from trying though, so be sure to wear your helmet when you hit the streets with your Untreadmill, The Vehicle That Should Not Be™.
We all know that NASCAR is the modern-day gladiatorial arena and as such has seen its fair share of controversy and tragedy. But some of the most shocking accidents in racing have happened outside of NASCAR, some happening well before the organization was even formed.
1.
Newark’s 1912 Board Track Race
A motorsport of the early 1900s, board track racing was America’s response to logic and safety. The course, an oval constructed with wooden planks, was tilted at an angle between twenty-five and sixty degrees. Why such a huge difference? Higher corner speed and G-force, which we’re sure sounded like a great idea at the time.
Actually, this looks pretty awesome.
Automobiles would race on these tracks, though it was more common to use motorbikes. The spectators would watch from the top of the track. Notably, the price of admission didn’t cover helmets, extended hospital stays or the cost of a tasteful funeral.
The beginning of board track racing’s demise came in New Jersey in 1912. Rider Eddie Hasha had been breaking pro records on the West coast before hitting the Eastern circuit. After completing Newark’s main event, Hasha competed in a six man handicap race, and that’s exactly where things started to look down. Hasha, who was leading in the third lap, started to experience trouble with his bike. While attempting to fix the issue he was passed, so he increased his speed. At ninety-two miles per hour Hasha’s bike made a sudden turn into the crowd and began riding the rail, decapitating one boy. The bike then hit a post and sent Kasha flying into the grandstands – he didn’t survive. Somewhere in the chaos four other boys were killed before the bike dropped back into the race, striking racer Johnny Albright and rendering him unconscious (he died four hours later).
Hasha, in less accidental manslaughter-ier times.
The track was never reopened. The then new New York Times ran an article describing the event as “murderdome.” Over the next two decades the sport was phased out of America.
Started in 1923 as the first endurance race in motorsports, the 24 Hours Le Mans is a day-long race outside Le Mans, France. A team of riders take shifts driving a car provided by a major manufacturer. Not only does it test the endurance of the riders (who generally ride in two-hour shifts at a time) but it also tests the endurance of the cars. Mechanical failures cost a great deal of time, so manufacturers experiment with different designs and materials.
For the ‘55 run Mercedez-Benz unveiled the 300 SLR. The car’s major differences were an ultra-light body of magnesium alloy and the drum brake system, which was outdated by the year of the race. The car had a faster speed at the cost of slower braking, which couldn’t possibly backfire in anyway at all.
Pierre Levegh was behind the wheel of the 300 SLR. He was trailing the lead position Jaguar at the end of the 35th lap when the Jaguar suddenly stopped to refuel. Because the Jaguar was using a new break system it was able to slow down much quicker than those behind it. In the ensuing chaos Levegh had little time to react. He struck another car, but the aerodynamic design of that car sent the 300 SLR flying through the air, over an embankment and into the crowd. That’s pretty bad.
But it gets worse: the magnesium alloy had a very low melting point, creating a white-hot inferno when the car combusted that lasted for seven hours. In all, 84 people (including Levegh) died though officially it was ruled a simple racing accident unrelated to any one vehicle’s design.
To understand how an entire season qualifies as a single tragedy you need to first understand that the previous three decades of the sport were marred by accidents, which is somewhat expected when your race utilizes the fastest race cars in the world exclusively. By 1982 the bigwigs thought they finally worked out a less lethal way to enjoy the sport and implemented new technical rules to make for better racing. The actual racers disagreed, however (Mario Andretti cited the new rules as the reason he left F1) and many of the participants protested to no effect.
The first accident occurred during the qualifying session of the Belgian Grand Prix. While attempting to pass another racer, Gilles Villeneuve pulled into the right lane, but so did the car he was attempting to pass. Villeneuve’s Ferrari somersaulted through the air at one-hundred and forty miles per hour, throwing Villeneuve from the car. He died of his injuries later that evening.
Part two happened in Canada a few weeks after the qualifier. Another Ferrari driven by Didier Pironi stalled at the starting line. All other drivers were able to swerve around his vehicle without issue except for rookie Riccardo Paletti, who slammed into the back of Pironi’s car. The many internal injuries Paletti suffered required immediate medical attention. Unfortunately, this became impossible when a fuel leak from his car ignited, and medical staff couldn’t reach him for twenty-five minutes. He died en route to the hospital.
When you think of the phrase “death race” you probably think of this:
But perhaps you should think of this instead:
It’s hard to give the folks behind the Paris-Madrid race too much flak because motor racing was still relatively new in 1903. Still, before the race even began people knew enough that you shouldn’t race in public streets (which had been banned in France years earlier). But because of massive international interest the race took place against virtually everyone’s better judgment.
Two-hundred and twenty-four racers were involved and divided between different weight classes of cars and motorcycles. The race itself would take place over three separate legs, with all repairs and refueling happening during the race itself.
French media reported heavily on the race and during the buildup, leading to hundreds of thousands of spectators coming to the race. However, there were two major problems from the get go: poor conditions affected the visibility of the drivers and spectators ran into or stood in the road. A police force was deployed to keep the spectators from interfering with the race but did little to help. Spectators were struck by drivers who couldn’t see them in time.
Meanwhile, drivers crashed into each other (some slowed down to avoid spectators) or into trees for the same reason. The race was called off after the end of the first leg.
Ultimately eight people died, hundreds were wounded and half of the cars were either destroyed or retired early due to technical difficulties. Street racing was banned in France for the next twenty years.
– 1955 24 Hours Le Mans: http://www.idcow.net/idcow/products/mst2013.jpg
– The Paris-Madrid Race: http://www.universalstudiosentertainment.com/assets_c/2010/04/61106616_DeathRace800x445-thumb-800×445-606.jpghttp://www.mediastorehouse.com/image/paris-madrid_race_1903_4315923.jpg
Today LilFunky, my current blog tenant, is writing about unicycling.
Have you ever seen anyone on a unicycle outside of a magician or circus performer? I have. When I lived in the Rouge one of the older boys on our street had a unicycle. I thought it was amazing. Any time I noticed him out there I would be watching from the front steps, driveway or the big window in the dining room of our house. He almost never fell off. I guess he practiced somewhere other than the street before he took it on the road.
I was riding a bike at the time. My brother and I went off on grand adventures in an abandoned golf course that used to be near our area. (Now it’s all new houses). Still, there was something different about the unicycle. It wasn’t about keeping balance it was about having nothing to do with your hands and the whole lack of steering mechanisms. He would steer by kind of twisting his body and giving a little hop. But, the most interesting thing was to watch his hands and arms. There really was not much to do once you had your balance. I think he could have read a book or played video games just to give his hands something to do.
There is a Toronto Unicycling group. Maybe you have one in your area should you be inspired to unicycle.