Don’t Get Angry, Get Mad

Your new house has a basement with a secret room. The entrance to the room is hidden and no one else has noticed it. Of course, you’re the only one who goes down to the basement much, for the laundry room. You begin using the room to store your books, some other personal things and some shopping excursions which you’d rather keep to yourself. Then, you meet a contractor, an old guy who is mostly retired but could use the odd job to keep the bills paid. So you hire him to refurbish that secret room, even give it a spooky security door. A door that locks by a code you set, from the outside. Now no one can get in there even if they do notice it some day.

A few years go by. The kids are all in school, you’re working a part time job and starting your own home business. The husband is doing well, working a lot of overtime and making good money.

Then, the day comes, when you discover your husband has his own secrets. He’s been keeping a place of his own too, sort of. His comes with another woman and it’s in some fancy highrise downtown. He’s also been stashing money in all kinds of accounts all over the place. You take all the information down into your secret room and just sit awhile. You cry, you rage and then you begin to plot.

It doesn’t take too long to clear out your secret room, though those books were pretty heavy. The contractor comes back for one last job, installing cameras and a thick plexiglass window in the hidden doorway of the secret room. The contractor is curious about your latest renovations but figures it’s some new kind of entertainment centre you’re building down there now.

And it is… sort of. You, at least, are very entertained watching your faithless husband pace and rant in his new accommodations. How long do you leave him there and what do you tell the kids?

Skunk in the Can

A skunk has taken over your garbage can. You only left it out there overnight, once. It was so late when you got home and raining, it’s just a garbage can… But, now it’s a skunk infested, skunk smelling can that you’d rather avoid.

How do you get the skunk to leave the can? You can’t leave the can sitting at the end of your driveway no matter how much you’d rather do that than risk getting skunk sprayed.

The Taste of Chocolate

Why do we like chocolate, really? Put some chocolate in your mouth, let it melt a bit and take some time to really taste it. Other than being sweet there isn’t always a lot to the chocolate we buy nowadays. Those candy bars seem to be more oil slick based than chocolate. Real chocolate is different. It used to be cooked as a savoury dish, not sweet. Sweet came later but stuck around.

Describe the taste of chocolate, in detail, as if you were trying to tell an alien from another galaxy too far from our planet to ever be sent a chocolate bar.

Chat with Xena, Warrior Princess

So nice to settle in front of the TV and just watch whatever stuff happens to come along, some days. But something really silly comes on so you are finally forced to get out of your stupor and change the channel. You find… Xena, Warrior Princess. Gee, it’s been years since you last watched Xena. So you leave it on, partially to reminisce.

All at once, as Xena is right in the middle of some serious sword wielding, you are literally drawn into the story. In your hand is a sword and there’s a brutal and dirty looking guy approaching you with a less than polite and friendly look on his face. Somehow you know how to use that sword- could you really have picked up that much just from watching Xena?

At the end of the battle just yourself and Xena are left standing. She thanks you for your help and gets ready to move along. Gabrielle is bringing over the horse. But you stop her… does she have time for a chat? What would you talk to Xena about?

Yes, I know it’s fictional character, but she makes it look so real. 😉

When Dragons Cough…

You’re riding high on your dragon, skimming the clouds and scaring a few pedestrians by dropping down low out of the clear blue sky. It’s a great day for flying!

Until your dragon gets a cough and you really wish you had worn your safety parachute today after all. Your dragon never really did catch on to that whole plan of scooping you up again if you fall off mid flight so you’re just kind of falling through space now, nothing better to do.

What would you have had for breakfast this morning if you could have had anything you wanted and didn’t care about fat, calories or how much mess it makes in the pan? It really does seem your last breakfast should have been something really spectacular, better than dry cereal or a sort of good muffin and coffee.

Sneaking Out of Your Cubicle

Your whole body is tired. You’re just dragging yourself through the day and then, in the evening, you’re expected to attend an event for work, with all your co-workers. Missing it is not an option, if you want a job to go back to on Monday morning.

Coffee and the usual perk you up ideas are not helping. Your car is parked in the lot at work, if you could just sneak down during lunch and disappear for an hour or three in the afternoon… surely you would be ok to finish the day and then get through the evening. How do you sneak out yet make it seem you will be back in your cubicle any time?

The Kitchen Orange Tree

You wake up and come into the kitchen to start coffee and see what you want to throw together for breakfast. There’s a huge orange tree growing up through your kitchen floor. Some of your plates, cups and cooking pots are hooked through the branches. At least you have all the oranges you could want. The oranges taste great and make really amazing orange juice when you squeeze them.

But can you really live with a huge orange tree growing in the middle of your kitchen?

Unshrinkable You

A mad scientist drops off the ultimate shrinking machine at your door. He’s going away for a week in Bermuda and needs someone to babysit his latest invention. Of course, you have to try it out. What do you shrink first? Keep in mind you may not be able to unshrink it later. He didn’t exactly invite you to use the machine and it doesn’t have a user guide.

The Peanut Castle

You’re all set to interview the builder of the world’s biggest castle made of peanuts. The problem is that you are allergic to peanuts. How do you do the interview without actually seeing the peanut castle creation?

Angel Off the Shoulder

Most people get an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other when they get tempted by something they should know better about. In your case It’s between some weird looking circus clown and a snarling, snapping gargoyle. Neither are real attractive but at least the clown tries to be pleasant whereas the gargoyle is just plain nasty.

Whatever happened to your standard angel and devil? Where did they go?