When I started loving myself – by Charlie Chaplin

When I started loving myself
I understood that I’m always and at any given opportunity
in the right place at the right time.
And I understood that all that happens is right –
from then on I could be calm.
Today I know: It’s called TRUST.

When I started to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
When I tried to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time is not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I know: It’s called LETTING GO

When I started loving myself
I could recognize that emotional pain and grief
are just warnings for me to not live against my own truth.
Today I know: It’s called AUTHENTICALLY BEING.When I started loving myself
I stopped longing for another life
and could see that everything around me was a request to grow.
Today I know: It’s called MATURITY.

When I started loving myself
I stopped depriving myself of my free time
and stopped sketching further magnificent projects for the future.
Today I only do what’s fun and joy for me,
what I love and what makes my heart laugh,
in my own way and in my tempo.
Today I know: it’s called HONESTY.

When I started loving myself
I escaped from all what wasn’t healthy for me,
from dishes, people, things, situations
and from everything pulling me down and away from myself.
In the beginning I called it the “healthy egoism”,
but today I know: it’s called SELF-LOVE.

When I started loving myself
I stopped wanting to be always right
thus I’ve been less wrong.
Today I’ve recognized: it’s called HUMBLENESS.

When I started loving myself
I refused to live further in the past
and worry about my future.
Now I live only at this moment where EVERYTHING takes place,
like this I live every day and I call it CONSCIOUSNESS.

When I started loving myself
I recognized, that my thinking
can make me miserable and sick.
When I requested for my heart forces,
my mind got an important partner.
Today I call this connection HEART WISDOM.

We do not need to fear further discussions,
conflicts and problems with ourselves and others
since even stars sometimes bang on each other
and create new worlds.
Today I know: THIS IS LIFE!

When I started loving myself” – A poem by Charlie Chaplin written on his 70th birthday on April 16, 1959

Documenting Before Demolition

            An editorial about exploring and documenting history. This comes from a forgotten (no posts since 2020) <a href="https://lieuxabandonnes.blogspot.com">site</a> of a Manitoba, Canada, explorer. I couldn't find a name or anything like social media to help find who they are. 

Some of you are aware that Canada has never been considered one of the best countries in the world to explore abandoned sites, due to Canada’s national policy for demolition projects of derelict buildings or converting derelict properties over to new owners, often into the hands of non-profit organizations. Oftentimes, a non-profit revitalizes a derelict property preserving it into a historical monument for decades to come. Alternatively, many a non-profit just doesn’t have the funding to make a complete conversion and a vast number of the buildings remain derelict at the site for decades longer.

These properties are wonderful opportunities for photographers and historians to explore. Unfortunately, for many of us, we don’t know they’re out there to explore. No one is going to advertise these histories, locations and so on unless you travel the country roads a lot or keep up with the sporadic media reports about these landmarks. Your only other resource is spending unlimited hours in historical archives.

I’m all for preservation of historical sites, but the renovation process often renders the historical artifacts and architectural features obsolete. Once lost, these are never recovered unless someone documents them first. The preservation and renovation leans more to a symbolic historical monument then anything tangible. We need to remember that often times those derelict sites contain histories our culture doesn’t want to remember. And that’s why we not only call those marginalized and abandoned but also the forgotten one’s.

The kinds of explorations some of us do do NOT end up in our Canadian school system’s text books. History is continually erased where those would like it to be erased. However, I ask a vital question about this erasure. How does a culture, a nation, whatever this may be learn from their past mistakes in this manner? Perhaps we’re all prone to wanting to hide our mistakes, shove them in a deep, dark closet or up into a musky, damp attic until the day we throw it all away or demolish it out of sight and memory.

Sometimes we can’t even do that, as in the cases of nuclear tragedies such as Hiroshima, Chernobyl and Fukushima. Well, as some of us know, this is when we encounter the BS campaigns, orchestrated by governments, the international media and big corporations that have an invested interest in these outcomes. And they would just like us to know they would prefer we know as little as possible. Happy, ignorant sheep continue to be consumers, and every nation needs consumers. Some of us are still waking up’ and enraged that democracy seems to have very little to do with ‘protecting’ the people and more to do with protecting big corporation, this includes the lies and coverups to cover up all the environmental disasters throughout history due to big corporation.

This also includes the cover ups of institutionalized ‘mental asylums’ where those not wanted in society were suddenly labeled with a ‘mental disorder’. Imagine living in a generation where parents or your husband, just thoroughly sick of you for whatever reason, you’ve become an emotional or financial burden, maybe your husband didn’t want to suffer the public embarrassment of divorcing you? So they could just drop you off at the nearest asylum? You have to wonder if those family members slept at night considering the ‘cutting edge’ therapeutic technologies that went on in asylums, like lobotomies, ice baths, electric shock therapy and brutal restraints to name a few.

This is why it’s so essential for some of us to document what we can before it all fades. For me, sometimes it’s a fine line between truth and deception, life and death and giving honor to those who have been forgotten, most often buried in unidentified graves. Just another number. No name. Their voices muted and then demolished out of memory. Out of history. This is my passion. Follow us this year as we travel and document Manitoba’s abandoned places. Sometimes haunted places. The voices of the past still speak, of our ancestors, our history, right out of their unidentified graves, if we listen closely enough.

Photographing the Vanishing Quote

            I noticed this quote on <a href="https://lieuxabandonnes.blogspot.com">an abandoned Blogger site</a> today. 

Photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on Earth which can make them come back again. – Henri Cartier-Bresson

It applies to almost everything photographed. From a smiling child to the sun itself. Nothing stays exactly the same forever and the photographer won’t be standing in the same spot, with that same angle, at that same time either. Something will be different, maybe just the weather. Maybe how the photographer feels or gets different perspective. Life is about change, but a photograph can capture what was there, while it was there.

This is what rephotography can showcase. The changes over time and other changes to our culture.

Rubbing Yourself Out and Getting Worn Down

I found this quote by Amy Tan:

“I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water.”

People ask if you are sad or tired. I could say yes to those but neither is quite right. I am worn down, like a stone in a river. I try to hold on, be stoic and strong but I’m eroding all the time.

I feel this way more often as I get older. None of us are getting any younger of course. But, I don’t think we should have to feel worn down. Does it happen from others or do we do it to ourselves. I’m trying to figure that out for myself.

I found this quote on an old site by Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen.She writes about writing, relationships, travel and living in a camper van. I started reading that post, first.

She has a few sites these days:

Second Hand Books are Wild


Read and Release at BookCrossing.com...
Do you remember BookCrossing? It’s been years since I last logged in. Funny that I was thinking of the book which I had last read the last time I was at the site. I couldn’t remember the author or the title, but there it was, first on my profile page.

“Second hand books are wild books, homeless books; they have come together in vast flocks of variegated feather, and have a charm which the domesticated volumes of the library lack.”

  • Virginia Woolf

A friend who joined the site with me, Skye Truheart, I have not heard from for many years. Each time I find something, a link to her somewhere, like her old Blogger account, or now this, I try again to find her. No luck. I’m sure I had her name and address to send a Christmas card but I’ve lost it long ago. I’d like to find her and know she is doing ok.

There are Times in Life When you Just Have to Kill your Babies

This quote is about the break between having the dream and living with it. But, you can read so much into a few words.

I’m a fan of writer Ann Patchett, whose book, Truth and Beauty, is one of my favourites. This week, thanks to the website, Brain Pickings, I came across a fantastic Patchett quotation that hit very close to home, especially the last line:

“The journey from the head to hand is perilous and lined with bodies. It is the road on which nearly everyone who wants to write — and many of the people who do write — get lost… Only a few of us are going to be willing to break our own hearts by trading in the living beauty of imagination for the stark disappointment of words.”

The stark disappointment of words is something I know a little too much about. So often the idea in my head, which initially seems so good, falls apart once I begin to try to assemble the words on paper. Suddenly my remarkable idea becomes frustratingly ordinary.

Source: Lindy Mechefske – “the stark disappointment of words” and an easy flourless chocolate truffle cake

This quote makes me think about writers having to kill their babies. That was a quote I read about editing your writing. Your words and phrases being taken out of existence. Deleting unnecessary wordage. Editing.

But, I find in life, the idea of editing things or deleting them, or exterminating… there are lots of good words for it… is an important skill to have. All things but in moderation. If you can master that in life you will save yourself a lot of stress, have more space (physically and mentally) and save money too.

Of course, no one should literally kill babies, or other children. At least let them get to adulthood, or the age of 20, and be guilty of something on the extreme side, first. Its ok to be a little dramatic, just not too literal about it.

The Cathedrals of the Fields

            We hear about the grain elevators from Saskatchewan but less often about our own Ontario barns. Those hand built, long standing structures right in our own backyard, not literally in most cases. But, there they are. You don't need to drive far outside of a city or town in Ontario to find an old barn.

Cathedrals of the fields is a great description for them. Probably the best I have heard. I should look for more.

“These are our heritage buildings in the rural landscape,” she said. “They’ve been called the cathedrals of the fields. The craftsmanship is beautiful. They might all look the same from the outside but, on the inside, they tell stories of the farmers who built them.”

Quote from Krista Hulshof – Source: Preserving Ontario’s barns | Farms.com

Are There Psychogeography Enthusiasts in Ontario?

            "There is a class of walkers who share a certain camaraderie. We are not drunks, tramps, hookers, cops, priests, party-goers or night-shift workers; we are merely outsiders. On the rare occasions when we meet we acknowledge one another with a tiny tilt of the head, or a quick nod; but each of us carries his or her own solitude. We are invisible and cannot be touched." - Sean Stewart

A quote for explorers and those who enjoy psychogeographical explorations.

I started Ontario Psychogeography on Blogger but I haven’t found a lot to post there.

Shutting Up Instead of Talking

According to Hersh, "songwriting is about shutting up instead of talking."

Hersh is Kristin Hersh, a songwriter.

This quote reminds me of the old one about writing being easy, just slit your wrists and bleed over the paper, something like that. Possibly less dramatic and drastic sounding, but with the same meaning.

In the end most communication is about shutting off one thing so the flow of ideas can come from another source. Like stop talking and listen instead.

You could go on in this theme of writing and blood and mention about writing being like killing babies. But the babies are your words and ideas. You can’t keep them all. It’s not so much the writing but the editing stage where you have to start killing things in that way.