The nice grrl curse, another one, is that you can be so angry inside of yourself and keep it all trapped in there cause it’s not polite to spew and besides you know no one really wants to listen to all that stuff anyway. But there it is, boiling and bubbling and just wanting to find a teeny crack somewhere to blow up like steam from a tea kettle. But I blocked all the cracks a long time ago. When you’re nice you aren’t allowed to be angry. Others are, just not you – the nice one, the oldest one and all that blabberwort.
I think it’s what makes me barely sane at the best of times. Just holding all that rage inside and not letting it seep out. It’s not easy.
I do have a minor vicious streak though. Thank whatever for black humour. It gives you the option of being evil and yet laughing about it like you’re just kidding even when I know I’m not. Well, half kidding take it or leave it.
Why can’t I have magical laser vision and send a beam of light out to cut down the men who tick me off? Think how simple that would be. Quick too. Not quite bloodless and yet not hugely bloody. Kind of tidy as a way of killing off the population of men. Only those who can’t behave like human beings which seems to be a lot of them. Most of those who engage in online dating. So much lies and bull. So much talking through their penis. Just cut the damn thing off so we can talk like adults.
I don’t think I ever will find someone to get old with. That really sucks cause I spent so many years becoming the perfect growing old with person. I read all the right magazines. I always come out on top on those relationship quizzes. So were did it all go wrong. It’s so unfair. I don’t think I ever really had a chance.
Men suck. In general.