I still think about John from Hamilton. Why? I’m not sure. It’s like he has stuck himself in my mind and won’t fall into place with all the other men who have wandered in and out of my life so easily. I feel that I should shake him lose. I think I must be pretty wishy washy to hold onto any thoughts of actually meeting him at this point. Of course, I have no real way of knowing what he thinks at this point. He’s become The Invisible Man.
Have you ever met someone (of the sex you are usually attracted to on personal, romantic level) and found they just become more and more like the person you always hoped to find? Sure there were some minor imperfections like a slightly overly serious side. But, he could draw/ paint and write. He was interesting and had a lot of deep thoughts, average thoughts and he was sort of normal. I’ve learned to appreciate normal in so many ways. He’d gone through rough spots in life and I had some of my own which gave me some understanding of his own. Yet, he had pulled through and become a pretty decent seeming guy. With good manners and that little touch of traditional old fashioned-ness which I really do like. The old fashioned-ness which I thought I’d only ever see as memories of my Grandfather and the odd fakery on TV.
John didn’t seem to be the kind of guy who would just disappear and give me the brush off without notice. But, it’s been a long time since I heard from him. A lot of things were going on in his life and I understand that. But… it seems unfair to be left on the side of the road, alone again when I thought I had met someone who I could really have liked.
Anyway, I have not closed that door. I just feel a bit like a clingy, dippy female for keeping it partially open. I really do feel like a drip for how often I still think about him. Like I have so little real life of my own that I keep drawing on memories of the emails I had with the Invisible Man.