Probable Doomage

I feel wiped out. Graham is bringing the car tomorrow night or the next morning. So I can try the road test again. But, though it has the safety done that light for the ABS is still on and I am afraid that the tester will use that as a reason not to let me even start. That will mess up everything in so many ways. At least Graham is doing the car now. I had pretty much given up on all of it this past week. Still, really need to be handed the key before I have real faith in it actually happening. I don’t have a good feeling about the road test. But, it’s important. I have to get that back and give myself a chance to get through it and to the other side.

Funny how it ended up being on my birthday. Most birthdays I don’t feel concerned about the year, the mileage. But, this year I am a bit more aware of it. Partly cause I seem to be the oldest (or very nearly) person at work. It bothers me. Like I’m not where I should be, don’t fit in and all of that stuff. It makes me feel older too. I’ve been thinking more about those damned grey hairs, everyday I look at them in the mirror before I head off to work.

What can you do but keep putting one foot in front of the other? I can’t make it all work out and I can’t turn off how I feel but I can keep going forward, or as forward as I can. Nothing is ever so simple as a solid, straight line.

I might get my tree started tomorrow. I can at least pull out the box with the tree and whatever decorations I can find from the closet, basement and the dresser where I bought a couple of new tree ornaments. I miss when we used to make our own ornaments from felt. Maybe that is something else I can do once I am not reliant on buses. I’m sure I can find a crafty store with a supply of felt and sewing notions.

Watching The Princess Bride tonight. I was surprised they played it twice in a row tonight on Vision TV. I thought I had just missed it when I got home tonight.

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