The Brother is listing the house tomorrow. Likely real estate people will be coming for a look through right away. He arranged that they will leave a day’s notice for the people upstairs so I will have the same. Not that it makes much difference. Living in a house listed for sale is like trying to live while coated in plastic. Everything has to be kept looking like no one lives there yet there is 24 hour maid service so it’s all spotless and dust/ dirt free.
I just started to feel like I had a place of my own and now it will be gone. Back to vagabonding and belonging nowhere. I’m already planning how much of my things I will try to give away or sell off before I move. I actually brought quite a bit of the books and such here even though so many things were stolen in between when I actually was able to move in.
There was a Meet Up coffee meeting tonight but I canceled cause I would like to get out but I don’t want to make conversation. Most of the time people just sit there saying nothing and I have to put all the energy into making conversation and tonight I just don’t want to. I’d much rather just be here, make another coffee right here where the only person I need to talk to is myself.
Graham said he might be coming over tonight. That means he really wants to check up and see how spotless things are here. Right now it does look like someone lives here though so I am shoving things around so they and myself can become invisible again. I’m getting good at it. Of course, it sucks as a way to live. Nothing is where I need it cause it only matters that everything is invisible.
I began emailing a guy who sounded interesting but he wanted me to phone him. I don’t like the phone. Maybe it’s silly but that’s just how it is. I sent him my photo and have heard nothing since yesterday. I think I am tapped out of the whole trying to meet anyone game anyway. Of all of the men I’ve met or tried to meet I’ve had zero success. It’s a drain on the old optimism.