Looking Over my Shoulder

Sometimes you just should not look back.

I got reading that old stuff about the visa/ greencard stuff tonight. Maybe its time to take that page down now. I guess its still a resource for some people though, it continues to get at least 10 hits a week. But I had a lot of mixed feelings looking back at the woman who wrote all of that. Would it have been better to have turned around and never looked back? That time I was stopped and searched at the border, before we started the visa process, I could have just gone on with my life, keeping Todd as a friend. I had doubts then but I passed them off as the doubts everyone has, “who is ever sure about marriage” my Mom told me.

I guess I have my answer now. Mom has started talking about me looking online for another guy. I might like meeting someone, but I don’t even want to try to trust them. Maybe that changes. Its only been a week since I moved back here. Anyway, I’m tired about thinking about what I’m feeling or if its ok to feel what I’m feeling or if I’m being overly dramatic or just overly sensitive. Is there ever a time when you are allowed to feel anything at all?

Its nearly midnight, when I’m asleep I’m dead to the world.

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