It started snowing yesterday, it hasn’t stopped yet. I have to go out for coffee cream and I don’t want to. There are 20 feet (centimetres, at least) of snow piled up out there. What if I get lost trying to find my car? What if I freeze under a snow fort I build up while digging my car out from under all that snow? What if I can’t get out of the driveway cause the snowplow has just come by and created a massive snow wave?
You may never see me again. Worse, I may not have coffee cream for that second cup of the day. Oh horrors!!! I wish I had one of those guide dogs or a dog team to pull my sled. Or, better yet, a honey-do. It is nice having a man around to play fetch.
If I win the lottery I will just buy a husband. Some guy to live in a shack on the backend of the property. He can open jars, put up the Christmas lights and any other electrical thing, he can squish bugs, shovel snow and rake leaves. He can go out in the snow and get coffee cream. I’ll make the coffee, I’m willing to be nice, pet him and take him for walks. I’d be a very good husband owner.