You’re in the Chicago Institute of Art, in the Monet room, sitting on a bench looking at “Woman With Parasol,” digging it. You’ve had a stand out day. It’s spring in Chicago, the sky is blue, the park is full of people, you’ve been witty and intelligent beyond the norm. Just a super excellent perfect version of yourself. Your party has moved on but you’re captured by the sheer brilliance of color, the spectacle of daubs of paint resolving into . . . this. You’re smiling a genuine ear to ear grin when you notice the most beautiful person in the world—we’re talking soul mate material here—sits down next to you, looks right into your eyes, and says:
“Lets run away on a whirlwind courtship, get married in some exotic country and live happily ever after.”
I blink, smile and say, “Only if I get to drive.”
So that’s what we do.
Oh yeah, if my Mom is reading this… his name turns out to be Tom Kilpatrick. He has Irish relatives from County Cork too. He works as a lion tamer when he isn’t getting serious as a highly overpaid corporate lawyer. He has eight brothers and sisters so that should be quite a crowd for all those family holidays. He is tall and has twinkling green eyes and he likes to read science fiction.
What else can I tell you Mom? We started out going to Russia cause I’ve always wanted to go there. We found an apartment somewhere in Moscow and stayed long enough to learn Russian and each other. We discovered body braille as we called it. From Russia he showed me Ireland and picked up the loveliest Irish accent just to make me laugh and lust after him even more. He thought my accent was cute too. We found an adult novelty shop that sold skimpy green lingerie. He looks really good in nothing but a sparkly green thing.
We were married last week in Thailand. It was an amazing spot with a waterfall and lots of rocks. We found it while hiking and brought all the necessary official stuff back there so it would be a legal and lovely wedding. So, I’m married again. We’re going to be on a honeymoon for the next five years then we’ll start on the happily ever after.
I should be back in Toronto in a few months. He says he’s looking forward to meeting you but he’s just pretending. I’ve told him what a hard ass you are, how you grind up boyfriends and spit them out as an afterthought. He’ll be so relieved when he meets you and finds out what a pushover you are in reality. See you soon Mom.