Likely someone has written revised lyrics for that “I’m getting married in the morning” song. I thought about it but I have too much to do and my mind doesn’t settle on one thing for very long these days.
Anyway, today is the day. In a few minutes I am expecting my husband, Todd, to honk the car horn from downstairs and then we are going to the local court house here in southern Illinois to sign divorce papers and make everything all legal and official and dry as burnt toast.
Thus ends a big chunk of my life. A lot of child bearing years flushed away with nothing much to show for them. I’m bitter, I’m depressed, I’m angry and I’m afraid I will never trust anyone of the male species again. It’s sad that I still want to. Still want to find someone to trust, to love, to admire, to laugh and cry with over the good and bad things in life. I want very much to build a happy life with someone. But, I’m 37 now. Maybe too old for having kids. Could I keep up with them, could I be patient enough and could they be born healthy now so late in my child bearing life? So many questions and never any answers but to keep turning the page and see what the next day will bring.
I better finish getting ready. I’m sitting here dripping from the shower, just wanted to have a before the divorce entry in my new blog. 🙂 I still have a lot to do in setting it all up. But at least I changed the template to one with a better font. The colours need work but I can do that tonight, after the divorce.