I am the wind beneath many wings. I’d like to sprout some wings of my own but they seem to be taking my own sweet time. But, it’s not so bad being the wind.
My ex-husband needed wind. We met as penpals when we were both 14. I saw his ad for a penpal in a penpal zine. He wrote about being a science fiction lover, that’s really all I remember. He was looking for friends, nothing romantic. So I wrote cause I didn’t want romance either.
It wasn’t till much later, after years of keeping the letter writing communication going, that I found out he was agoraphobic. It was something that grew in him over time. He went to school, finished high school, applied to college. But that’s where it stopped. You’d have to talk to him for the specifics. But, to me, it seemed a lack of confidence, to make it simple. Of course, nothing like that is ever so simple.
Anyway, when we met face to face we were in our early 30’s. I stayed just a day, didn’t even see him in the morning as I left back for my home in Canada. It was a very long drive (down to southern Illinois) for such a short visit. But, that was the start in our next phase. He began to change, I helped. Maybe my ignorance of agoraphobia helped too. To me it seemed he just needed to get over thinking everyone was looking at him or even cared who he was or what he looked like. So, he started making trips out and about. Eventually, he made the big trip up to Canada to visit me.
After that I was the trippy one. I went back and forth from Canada to the US many times. All of it as an illegal alien. When I did get stopped at the border that put us into the next phase. But between then he had already gone through a big metamorphosis. He was working full time, driving a car, getting out a lot more and being his own person, not so afraid of the world, the people walking around on it.
I’ve been other people’s wind too. Right now I’m mentoring a columnist at BackWash. She doesn’t really need me but if nothing else I’m helping her find her feet around how things work. There are others here and there who I give a little wind, an encouraging word or a bit of cheer when it helps. Over all the years of my life I can look back and see I was a lot of people’s wind beneath their wings. Most of it small stuff, but the odd case where I really did help someone accomplish more than they thought they could or would.
It’s great helping people. But, in the end it’s lonely. That’s the problem with being the wind. Once someone has their wings they tend to fly away. Not that I want them to come back really. I like watching them soar.
This is what I have just written for my next update at BackWash. Not sure how Todd will like it when he reads it. He has never liked having himself revealed. Me on the other hand…. I feel like I’m writing to a flock of strangers.