Grey Hair Must be Made to Obey

greycolourgrrlBack to construction and renovations today. Graham says it will just be today, I hope he is right. The trend seems to be that it is ongoing, in spurts and only a very few of the projects actually get completely finished. The hardwood floors look nice but at the doorways for kitchen, bathroom and the main entrance they are raw, unfinished.

Today it’s a woman putting in new tiles at the front entrance and Steve back downstairs this time, putting a hardwood floor into the apartment where Terry Lynn should be moving into this week, I hope. Will be nice to have some things done and settled. Though I have learned at long last that you can’t rely on a Gemini person. Both Terry Lynn and my brother have the same birth date and both make commitments and don’t seem to show up for them, quite often. Maybe it’s just me being a bit hard on them about it cause I’ve been the one sitting around waiting for them to show up.

Still, it’s one thing to be late and yet another bag of cats to not show up at all. Maybe a phone call a day or so later, maybe. Kind of annoyed about my birthday. Both of them made arrangements that we would go out for my birthday and neither followed through on that. I made a pot of macaroni and cheese with tuna for Graham and I instead. Not quite the birthday celebration I had been expecting after all the talk about going out.

I’m not saying anything to anyone. I guess that is my problem and part of the reason it keeps happening. But, I am learning not to sit around and wait. Of course, being stuck taking the bus doesn’t help. At least I’m making enough money that I can take a taxi if I want to and not be left without grocery money. If I’m careful about it. No getting around to look at the old houses for photos and that is getting under my skin. I really did want to see them by snow.

Can’t find my books about web design/ XHTML either. I have looked and looked. I hope they are not thrown out by Graham on one of his “you have too many books” things. Those were expensive books and I really do use them, when I can find them.

I have a lottery ticket to check. I always hope to win so I could finally buy a nice little house of my own and finally live somewhere. Not having to exist somewhere between being a vagabond and a tenant. Graham still has itchy fingers to get into my bedroom here (my only space that is sort of mine) to repaint, finish the wall trim and assorted other things I’d rather not think about. So I still haven’t bothered to really sort things and put them away since I will only have to evacuate all over again when he wants to tear up this room. I’m glad it’s not today, at least. Be glad for small things.

Also, he is dropping me off at work today before he leaves Steve here to construct and renovate. So I’m not waiting for a bus or paying for a taxi at least one time out of many. I really was hoping he would have time for me to take the car to Zellers so I could pick out a hair colouring package of goo. I seem to have decided that the grey has taken over too much of my head and it must be made to pay for it’s crimes against my emotional satisfaction in the appearance of my crowing glory. In short, I’m fed up with looking at the grey littering my chestnut curls.

A mini addendum to the man stalking… Last night at work Sarah said she had been talking to him and asked his age. He is a bit younger than I am but about the range I had figured he would be. He did not tell his age, funny how men really are more worried about their age than women are. I think that’s how all those stereotypes about women and age began. It was men trying to make themselves seem less age obsessed by spreading it over to women as well, trying to at least. Most women I have talked to don’t feel concerned about saying their age, whatever the number may be.

Anyway, I told Sarah I thought the man stalking was over. You can’t hang your heart on your sleeve for a guy who can’t even thank you for a Christmas card. Sarah said maybe he is just really shy. Maybe he is. But, I will likely never know 100% for sure, it doesn’t seem that he is shy. Then again, I don’t appear that way either and yet I can be.

Just sent a nice email to Sherry to see if she would like to come out on January, 2nd. She would know about the hair colouring goo so I could make a good choice about what colour and which brand to try. Really has to be easy to use as I don’t want to make this into a science project. Will be annoying enough to figure out what to do once it begins to grow out. Funny about Sherry how she has a career (a career as opposed to just a job) and makes lovely amounts of money, she is a nice size and well dressed, everything you would think a woman could want. She takes trips, has a house now and her own car. But inside she is not confident and doesn’t feel great about herself. It still surprises me on some level that so many women who seem to “have it all” don’t feel strong and confident all the way through. People can so easily project themselves and appear different from how they really feel. It’s a good thing and yet… I know cause I do it too.

If I didn’t I would have devolved into a shut in/ recluse/ hermit/ bag lady by now. I hope Sherry comes out. I really do like to see her. Knowing who she is versus who she seems to be just makes me like her all the more and I really admire her too for all she has accomplished. Too bad she can’t feel that way about herself. Maybe she does sometimes but not enough that it has soaked through to make her feel confident and strong all the time. I think that is partially why she is still with Graham cause he does get a bit on the abusive side with his demanding ways. He isn’t who he appears to be on the outside either though. Very complicated isn’t it?

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