Everything I Need I Found in my Spam

Spam is bottomless. Like the Tardis in Doctor Who, it is much larger on the inside than it is on the outside.

If you found a bottle of spam washed up on the beach and you cautiously reached in your hand to see what you might pull out from inside of that bottomless bottle… Your hand would come out holding one piece of paper. Your hand would also be coated in a ton of debris, some of it sticky, some of it squishy and some of it might even be kind of tasty if you really, really want to try licking your fingers clean.

What would it say on that piece of paper? Or does it say nothing at all, was it really just another useless tease of a sales tactic after all? Or does it have all the knowledge and secrets of the universe all on one small piece of simple white scrappy looking paper? With my luck it would all be there but in some weird code that never makes any sense no matter how I try to decipher it.

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