I don’t know why divorce popped into my mind this morning. I don’t think about it very often. It’s interesting that most people will say something like “got rid of him, did you?” when you are a divorced woman. They assume things were a certain way. I think this is due to the changing roles for men and women. Women are out there working, they come home and do the house stuff and the kid stuff and then the husband stuff. There isn’t a lot of time for herself and the husband stuff has to come last, after job, kids and house (in whatever order each women puts those). If she’s lucky, she has a modern guy who can take part in the kids and house file, and even understand she needs time for herself, just as he does. I don’t think it works out this way very often in reality.
Most of the time, I think women assume “she got rid of him” because he was not an asset. In fact, he became one more job rather than her partner.
My own divorce wasn’t like that. I don’t feel comfortable writing too much. A personal relationship, is personal. He was the one who first said the ‘d’ word, so I guess he got rid of me in fact. Not that things were going well at that point, for either of us I guess. I thought he was happy enough, I just thought he was always mad at me. He stopped speaking to me for several months. I had been trying to find a way to leave, get out of the situation as I was pretty upset all the time.
I remember the van I looked at and considered buying. Understand, I had almost no money. Some leftover wedding money from my family and some from the telemarketing job (the only job I could find and which I was later fired from), that was all I had. Not enough to buy much of a vehicle, plus gas and such for getting it anywhere. Anyway, I wish you could see this van. It was hilarious. The bottom (floor) of the van had rusted out. I planned that I could put down wooden boards or something to become a temporary floor for moving everything back up to Ontario. It was so funny though. I remember how you could see through the van to the ground below. What an interesting drive that would have been. Driving along and watching the road fly away below your feet. It was a nice big van though, not a minivan, a real cargo type van. Maybe it would have worked. But, I decided against it because if the floor was that bad what might the engine be like? I definitly could not afford repairs. At times I wish (now, when I am not in the situation anymore and things are somewhat stable and safe) that I had tried escaping with the van. It’s one of my ‘road not takens’.
Anyway, my husband woke up beside me one morning and told me (finally spoke to me) that he didn’t think either of us were happy and we should do something about that. He didn’t mean do something about staying together and making things work.
I guess I should have known. When someone tells you about divorce plans the first week you’re married you should expect they aren’t too interested in the marriage. Maybe that was why he became abusive, not physical really, just saying mean things and leaving me out, making me feel like I didn’t belong. Complicated to explain it and I don’t really need to, it’s my blog. 🙂
So, that was it. For him things went along smoothly. He paid for the divorce which was fair cause I paid for most of the wedding. I paid for the immigration to the US, at least all the stuff I had to do with the US government before we were married. I paid for my costs to move to the US and my costs to move away from the US. I think I am still bitter, a little. I don’t think about all of it that much. There is too much going on in the present to spend time thinking about old stuff.
I do think about that rusted out van the odd time. I wonder if it would have worked…. Now I’ll never know. 🙂
I knew someone, somewhere would thought of (and used) a great title like.
Other stuff I found:
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked. – Submitted by Lois Misiewicz
A woman sits down next to an attractive man on a bus. She says “you look just like my 4th husband”. The man replies, “Your FOURTH husband, how many times have you been married?” “Three” the woman replies.- Submitted by Jeff Poirier
A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time — did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked. “Oh, no, not divorce,” one said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Unknown
Ex in the City – Empowering women to move from Ex to Extroidinary!
Life After Divorce – An article by Margaret Manning.
Divorce and Women – Link removed by request. (This site cares more about SEO/ Google than readers).
– Send an ecard to you ex signifigant other.
Exes from Hell