Some days living in a controlled environment wouldn’t be all bad. Not having to make decisions. Not having to be responsible for anything. And yet… I couldn’t stand it. Not every day, every week, each month, year and forever. Just that it would be nice at times, when there are too many things to be responsible for and decisions that aren’t so easy to make, when there are too many things spinning out, far beyond our control.
The car thing is dragging me down. Like a sucking wound on my life. I feel trapped by it. I feel trapped in this house, except for the acceptable expense of going to work and back cause of course you can’t just live at work. Even though that would be simpler on some levels.
I like for things to be simple. I hate things like paperwork, seems so useless and full of really stupid complications. I’m sure car buying can’t just be as simple as paying for the car and getting insurance and the plates. I’m sure the government has managed to tack on endless aggravations. So, that keeps me from really just buying something myself and getting rid of all this frustration.
I can’t though, not enough cash and that is yet another complication. Today Graham came out here and said he doesn’t like any of the cars he has looked at, mostly he doesn’t like the people who are selling them. He said I could use the old Camry for the road test. So at least that is one thing. Still, I am just sick of the bus and taxi to and from work. The expense and the cold outside waiting for the bus. It would be so much simpler with a car.
So much more freedom too. I could drive to the grocery store. Get the salt for the sidewalk on the steps in front of the house. Get out to look at some more abandoned places and get more photos. I am so stuck here, in this snowglobe. I need to break out.