Do you ever think of your life as a team? I can remember my brother playing hockey against the garage door. He was always Gus, I guess it was a manly sounding name to him as a kid. Little did he know the full version is Augustus.

Anyway, he would always narrate the game for himself. Sometimes I would be tossed in as the adoring fan/ groupie. I love my brother, I'll spend the rest of my life cheering for him, back them it did feel a little silly though. I was the only fan.

Is it a man thing, the whole team narration type thing? Its kind of endearing. I've never done it out loud but there have been times when I've narrated privately, in my own head. Sadly, my narrations are never as uplifting as those hockey games between my brother and the garage door.

All this rambling today is taking up space. I'm scared. I don't think I can get back into living my life and all that trying again. I've tried a lot. To get into it would be reavealing too much of my life, some of the wounds scraped into your soul are just too sharp to share randomly.

So, I think this week my team is losing. Maybe I will sleep on it tonight and things will be all fresh and rosy in the morning. I promised one of the other BackWash columnists that I would find someone to talk to when I got back here. But, inside I really thought I could do it all on my own. I don't like talking to someone face to face and telling them all the really deep feelings, the fears and the fact that I don't even trust myself any more. I think I must be part drama queen, but how much is real emotion? Am I allowed real emotion?

Anyway, this week my team is losing it. But, somehow hope always springs eternal, I'm the eternal optimist. Each time I get really down some part of my brain clicks on and starts coming up with new ideas, new solutions and once again I'm not ready to give up.

Look at this!!!! On a day when I thought it would be dangerous to get much lower... this was waiting for me in my email. I only wish I had someone to tell. So, I'm posting it here for the world and all the randomness on the Internet.

I'm so glad I got the idea to ask if they wanted a column or articles about the Internet and sent in my resume to back it up. What a great thing it would be to have a job doing exactly what I love!!!

Hello, Laura. Ian passed your letter and resume on to me. I'd like an opportunity to meet with you in person to talk about your skills and experience. I'm leading the internet strategy team at our news group and perhaps there may be some mutually beneficial opportunities we could explore. Can you let me know what your schedule is like next week? I could meet you at our office, if that's most convenient to you. (In my job, I travel all over the region, so it's not an inconvenience for me.) Let me know if you can meet Thursday, Aug. 8 in the afternoon in. Thanks for sending your resume and letter. Regards,