"Life's more enjoyable if you pretend that you have an audience." Jeff Martin.

This was from a link in The Unholy Trinity's column this week. It's such a delicious quote. Made me think about why we do anything. Isn't there always some element of performance? Isn't that why we get out of bed in the morning? Isn't that the real reason we drive ourselves to look like seductive wenches even though we're just going to pick up a few things at the grocery store? That audience is why we do just about anything not necessary for our immediate survival.

Just like boys playing hockey, when they are by themselves they like to narrate the event. I listened to my brother do his hockey narration against the garage door. Back then he wanted to be called Gus. (I doubt he knew Gus was short for Augustus, I never told him.)

Anyway, do you ever do your own narration? I do. Even if I'm not thinking about it it's there, somewhere in my mind. I evaluate how I get out of the car. "She did it again, a perfect exit, keys in the pocket with that stylish flip of the key ring." Did anyone see how graceful that was? Or, countering that, did anyone see how ungainly that was, do I get a redo? Take two, getting out of the car... ok Action! Ok..., that's perfect, cut and print! The audience applauds.

It's wonderful to be admired. To be the adored one. I think we all have some fantasy of being the movie star, worshipped by millions of men. The top model, the one who leaves all men with their jaw hanging down, drooling and hoping for one scrap of our notice. That woman, the one who seduces men with just a casual smile. Look at her, everyone, isn't she ever so worthy of watching?

Certainly we have performance anxiety at some point, when there is a real audience. But, that's different. A real audience isn't under our control. You can ignore the imaginary audience or have them laugh with you over your goof ups. They always laugh with you. How could they not, you're so incredible!

Maybe you feel less alone in the world if you have an audience. Or maybe it drives you to a better performance. Whatever it is, life is more enjoyable when you're performing for an audience.

Applaud now.