I like the little things. Like when he held my hand as we walked to wherever we were going. I liked when he offered (insisted) on carrying the watermelon in from the car. I liked lying in bed together. That time between conversation, reading or playing was sometimes better than doing anything else in bed.

I'm not sure if I'll ever have that again. When I think about having a relationship I just don't know if I could be that trusting again. Not in someone else but my own judgment of someone else. I picked wrong when I was so sure I was picking right. I picked wrong. All the nice little things drained away. I was left like the dregs, the clog in the drain.

What I feel doesn't really matter, it doesn't matter about finding a word to label it. I do want to try again, with someone else. It's a matter of picking again.

I think about the little things. I think if I just pay attention to the little things I'll know him. But, all the little things were misleading last time. They lead me into a hole I don't want to have to claw my way out of again.

So, logically, you move onto the big things. I ignored the big things last time cause all the little things were lined up in a row so nicely. But, the big things do matter. Next time I won't make excuses for them, under rate them or over ride them. Next time, if I can get that far, I won't wear blinders or act soft hearted. Next time, I won't walk into a brick wall at the end of the rainbow, right?

Comment

agingyoungrebel

I wish I could say "right", but you never know what the future will bring. (It would be boring if you knew, IMO.) Trust is always a risk, but sometimes you HAVE to take that risk.