How does it work? I go out of my way to be a good friend, a pleasant person in general and yet, I'm always alone at the end of the day. Here I am, alone again. Sitting in a house with ghosts for company. When I need a friend I'm alone. I must have done something really wretched in a past life. I hope I had a hell of a good time doing what ever it was. I'm tired of this life of striving to be good and never having anything good for it all. What is the point to being a good person? At the end of my life I'll just be alone in a dirt hole. How will it be any different from today, right now. I'm tired of being good to people. Let them all rot. Eventually they will, and what will any of it matter?

There are times, moments, when I feel like I'm on the edge of figuring it all out. Then something comes up and gets in the way. So, I never quite figure it all out. Eventually, I will. I'll catch up to myself, tap myself on the shoulder and say, "You've been doing it all wrong."

Comments

cloverbee

I wanted to introduce myself and tell you hi. I stumbled across your journal through a random search and enjoyed your postings so if you were curious as to how you ended up on my friends list - that's how.

But I don't think there is a right answer to the questions you ask above. But I hope that LJ offers you some contact when you need at least a human touchpoint. It helps me a lot when I can simply ask my LJ friends a question and get their advice and counsel. Not that I always listen, mind you :) but I like knowing I can ask. I hope you find the same thing through whatever avenue you pursue.

me

Hi to you. :) Thanks for the introduction. I visited your LJ. YOu write well. I've had a pretty emotional day today so I'm just going to get to bed and let it all wash over me awhile.

agingyoungrebel

Laura (thatgrrlca) DOES have webfriends, cloverbee (I'm rather proud to be friends with her, myself), but even though webfriends can be understanding and supportive, they're still only virtual.