As a writer, at the worst, when I'm hating myself the most... am I thinking this as a story I could create or is it what I really feel? But, I realize I'm thinking it all. I'm not writing any of it down.

Until just now as I'm sitting here. A midway point in self hatred. Is this to prove something to myself? Is it real or just an excuse. Do I hate myself as much as I think I do? One day I will find out. Prove and know myself.

Go to bed, stop thinking... watch a disaster movie to shut up my thoughts. Wake up sometime later, still here, on the planet, still here in my brain. What do you think brain, is it me or am I writing a self monologue for myself or about myself?

One day I won't be here, it will be peaceful, it will be over.