Originally posted to Adult BackWash.

"Now, if I untie you are you going to come in for coffee or try to shove me aside and make a break for it? If you can't be sincere just let me know."

"I'm not going to shove you aside." Said Keanu.

"I'm not falling for that."

"Falling for what?"

"That disclosure deal. You're not shoving me aside but you are going to make a break for it. Is that how you feel, after all we've talked about on the drive here?"

"Well, you can't really blame me. It's not often I get captured by some lunatic woman."

"Lunatic? Crackpot would have been a bit less harsh. After all, what have you really suffered? I've been quite nice to you."

"Sure, if I just ignore being trussed up and forced into your car. I didn't know if someone was about to kill me."

"Are you expecting someone to kill you? Guilty conscience?" Keanu kind of sighed and I wondered, " It's not like you were doing anything all that interesting when I picked you up. Really, you looked kind of bored."

"I was enjoying some time to myself. To think."

"Think now, I'm not stopping you." Really, was he one of those people who could only do one thing at a time? How sad, never to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

"I'm not really in the mood to think now." Keanu said, kind of getting in a huff if you ask me.

"Well fine. If that's how you're going to be I may as well just let you go on your way. Curmudgeon..."

"I am not a curmudgeon!" He was definitely huffy.

"You're kind of sexy when you're all tied up and getting hot under the collar." I couldn't help laughing. I'd made men annoyed, aggravated and blatantly angry before but this was the first time I had one that couldn't do much about it. It was stimulating, encouraging all kinds of wild ideas to run amuck in my head. At this rate, I knew he wasn't getting out of my car any time soon.

So of course, I closed the door and made him even more frustrated. We'd stopped at a self serve gas station so I just started pumping my gas. It was truly some kind of womanly wisdom, I'm sure, that made me pull up by the gas pumps rather than the coffee store parking spaces first. How lucky I was to be born a woman. Why, look at Keanu, the poor man, sitting there all impatient looking. This was becoming my most daring and fun idea in ages. Not that I wasn't just a bit scared. After all, at some point the cat (or the Keanu) would have to be let out of the bag. Still, while it lasted, I was having fun.

"Ok, I'm not really mad." He tried to sound reasonable while I fastened my seat belt, preparing for take off. "I just don't want to be held hostage. I don't like not being able to choose to be here, or not. Can you understand that?" He asked.

"Sure. I'm sure it must be a bit inconvenient." I laughed to myself. He took a deep breath and let it out so slowly I wondered how he didn't pass out from lack of air.

"Lets say I go along with this for awhile. How long before you let me go? You can't really expect to just take someone and keep them forever? That would be like some kind of slavery."

I'm surprised at you Keanu. I never even thought about making you a love slave. I'll consider it, but really, it's just not my kink."

At that point he kind of gave in to the inevitable I think. He stopped talking at least. The next half hour was a very quiet drive. Not uncomfortable, unless you count how both of us were soon squirming in our seats, but for different reasons I'm sure.

I had a tiny cabin rented, part of what had been a kids camp before they ran out of money and had to sell the whole thing. The new owner wasn't sure what he was going to do with the place. I had asked about renting one of the cabins for a month and he thought that would be a good idea. He wasn't planning on being around and thought I could stay the whole winter and keep an eye on the place if I wanted to. So, in theory, I could keep Keanu for the winter. I didn't plan to really. He's pretty busy making movies, doing interviews, playing with DogStar. I hoped he'd appear at Stratford again too. Now wasn't a good time to suggest it though.

I opened the car door and swung his legs out. Beyond pointing him to the nearest rest room facilities I wasn't sure what I would do with him now. My plans hadn't really gone past the initial grabbing of him and the drive up here. I thought between there and here something would have worked out.

"I guess I have to untie you now. I can't really keep you here. Besides, it's not as much fun now that you're actually here." I freed him and started walking away. Let him take off. Eventually someone would stop to pick him up. A car load of teen aged girls all just in love with him and dying for an autograph, I hoped. That would serve the curmudgeon right.

I was pretty surprised when he grabbed me around the waist and swept me off my feet. "You're not getting away that easily..." He said.

-- Keanu Reeves was not involved or harmed in the making of this column. (I'm disappointed too).