My Mother never liked Roseanne. She would not even sit and watch one whole episode with us. She thought the show was too rough, too rude and not really funny. I didn’t agree.

It wasn’t easy to look past your own Mother’s point of view and consider she could be wrong, but I saw more to Roseanne and I still enjoy watching the show when I find it coming on in re-runs on television.

It is true, Roseanne was not the sunny, generic situation comedy like so many others which resolved all their issues by the end of the show with a big group hug and boundless innocence filled with optimism. So many TV shows from the 80′s seemed to be created for people who carried a load of fluff in their heads. Reality TV hadn’t been invented yet. (Or if it was, no one would have watched something that unfluffy).

Roseanne was about a real family. Fictional characters but people you felt you could walk outside and meet.

Roseanne was not thin, she didn’t dress in fashionable clothes and her house was not something out of a magazine, though it was clean and usually tidy. Roseanne was about people who didn’t have money, they actually had debt, lost jobs and tried to deal with bill collectors. Roseanne worked in a factory and was harassed by her boss until she quit and then she didn’t have a job for awhile. She wasn’t rescued – she had to fix things herself. Roseanne worked as a waitress but by the last season of the show she was a small business owner and dealing with her Mother as a business partner.

Roseanne and Dan (her husband) were a good couple to watch. They did not have a fairytale romance. They fought but made it work out, by choice. I really loved that here was a TV show where a couple were not mysteriously wealthy without ever seeming to work – they were also not models, fit and slender but they could be happy and have a life together. They could live in the world, with the same problems I was dealing with and make things work.

More than anything else, Roseanne gave me hope for my own life because nothing was perfect in her world either and yet she could be happy and enjoy her life and her family and even (sometimes) her job/ career.

I write a diary. You could also call it a journal but I prefer diary because that feels connected to history and all the women who have kept a diary through history. Since the early days of writing on paper women have documented their thoughts, their lives and their ideas.

We write with someone in mind, a reader.

It may be a generic reader or you may think of an actual person as you write. I do. The person I write to has changed over the years. I think I wrote to myself when I was a kid. It's hard to remember and know for sure what I was thinking as I wrote so long ago when my mind was so much less complicated. Then I wrote for the people. I used to think my diary would be read long after I'm gone but it would be used for my biography, whoever took up the task of writing it.

At some point I began to edit myself as I wrote. Having that reader in mind, I started to think about how much I didn't want the world to know versus how much I wanted to write about everything in my head. Writing a diary is a release, a freedom of thought and a way to organize your emotions too. But, when you think of someone else actually reading all of that... your outlook changes.

Now I try to write just for myself again. Thinking too much about the reader took away too much of what I needed from the whole thing of keeping a diary. So, they all join each other in a big storage box as I run out of space to write. But, I don't know if anyone will ever read them. At least not until I am long gone and will never know (or hear) what people say about the real me in the pages of those hand written books.

The history of women is in our diaries, our letters and our crafts. I'm so glad to see the history of women being pulled from obscurity.

So few women managed to become a part of recorded history, other than being mentioned as the daughter, wife or sister of some important man. So much of women's history is lost. What was it really like to be a woman, daughter, wife, Mother or sister in the 1600's? Those were the days when North America was being discovered by Europeans. I'd really like to know about women in early, ancient and prehistory. In such early days we don't have history of any people but those who were politically important, enough to have been written about. Of course, in those early days of writing, it was rare for women to be taught to write.

I think about that sometimes. I don't take writing and being about write for granted. We record our own history, in our own words. That is something of value - our way of having a mark on the world, even if we aren't sure we really want someone else to read it!

When you don't live in the city you can call yourself a rural explorer.

Chances are you already know the first place you want to explore. There's something that catches your eye on the way home from work every day, each time you drive to visit your Mother, when you go on the backroad into the next town... There's a place out there which you'd like to stop and get a look at, if only you dared. Let's not say you need to find the time. The time is there. It's not easy to stop the car, get out with your camera and make that first step into being an urban explorer.

Or, a rural explorer, as I see it. I don't live in the city. I've lived in the city, in a small city and a range of towns around Ontario. I started exploring abandoned farm houses with my Mother and my Aunt, before I ever knew other people were doing the same thing. I didn't go looking for antiques, old hardware or anything like that. I wasn't hoping to see a ghost or wanting to get creeped out. I wanted to see a relic from the past, the old woodwork, the way the bricks had weathered and whatever mysteries might be lost, forgotten and buried under dust, debris and wild plants. The best thing I found myself was an old iron key. I still have it in my jewelry box.

The first time I explored on my own was years later. Right after I got my first digital camera. No co-incedence there. The digital camera is a wonder for anyone into exploring. Now you can take all the photos you want and not think twice about the cost of getting them developed or how many rolls of film you had packed into your purse.

The photo in this introduction is the very first house I explored, alone. Just my digital camera and me. That was the year 2006.

The Real Dangers of Urban Exploration

You may expect the top danger for explorers to be people. It's not!

I've been exploring, often alone, and the biggest danger I've found is from wild animals. Not that I have been attacked by wolves, raccoons, rabid squirrels... no. I've been threatened by birds and attacked by bees. I've had toads and frogs scare the pee out of me - I still think I stepped on one poor toad when I was walking through very long grass and couldn't see where my feet were stepping.

Birds can be territorial and may dive bomb you. The only solution is to tolerate it or hide. I've yet to have one actually strike me. But, the closest to do so were blackbirds (those smaller versions of crows) and hummingbirds. Don't laugh!

Bees are pretty self explanatory. Rule number 1: don't step in between the flight path of two beehives. Just don't do it. If you really must, duck down low and make sure your hair is covered. There is nothing like having a bee lost in your long, curly hair - near enough to your ear so you know you're in danger of being stung and you're not really keen on finding it with your fingers.

People will sometimes ask you what you are doing. In all but one case I have never had any trouble at all with people. They are curious. If they know something about the history of the house/ bulding/ location they will usually tell you about it. Volunteering all kinds of historical information. Which is great. I do like to hear it. Sometimes people want to talk more than I want to keep listening, but I do appreciate their time, their interest in the place I'm looking at and... the fact that I'm a woman and they are likely telling me all this because I don't seem like someone who would be geting into trouble, or making trouble.

Only once, I had a woman who was suspicious. But, it turned out she was the owner of the house I was photographing - it was a ruin but not abandoned. In that case I liked it for the ruined look. But, there are cases where you will find out (later hopefuly) that the abandoned house your're photographing isn't actually abandoned after all. It's kind of funny, later.

Getting back to animals... watch for animal holes. You might hurt your leg if you step into one. It is a good idea not to go alone just in case you do get hurt and need help. I do not explore inside the houses, hardly ever actually. I will go inside if I'm with a group, or at least one other person. Safety in numbers, when it comes to injury or... getting caught as a tresspasser.

This has not happened to me. But, it is on my mind each time I stop and get out of the car at a location I want to explore. I feel I am keeping myself out of trouble by not entering the premises. If I just walk around outside taking my photos I'm not breaking into the property. Also, I just don't feel right about entering a home this way. Most often they are pretty gutted by other explorers or people looking for hardware and such to steal and sell as vintage. So, in theory, I feel I am not tresspassing, or really missing much.

I was asked to leave one location by the security people. This was a time I was not alone so that was nice for me. I had already taken the photos I wanted too. I think they left me alone to wander around for awhile before they finally approached me. But, I'm sure they would have come on the run if I had been trying to do more than take outside photos.

If you do enter any abandoned, derelict or ruined building you must know you are at risk. You can not be 100% sure about anything in that building. Even a place which does not look badly derelict can have structural damage. Don't be an idiot about exploring inside. Wear decent footwear, bring a flashlight (even in daylight). Have someone with you or at least make sure your phone is charged and with you so you can call for help.

How to Find Locations for Urban Exploring

I find places to explore by driving around and looking out the car window. These are the times it's important to have someone else driving the car. You can't navigate the car and have most of your attention focused on catching sight of weathered wood, boarded windows or a driveway overgrown with plants.

Another idea is to join Flickr. You can get a free account. Search for local groups with explorers who are already adding photos. Some of them will put directions and locations on the photos. Not everyone will. I tend to leave it ambiguous. I like to protect the places from vandals and people who just want to grab whatever they can sell. So, I am cautious about giving directions. But, that doesn't mean I hoard them all. If you can join the local group, get involved in a discussion, share any photos from old places you already have - you might find a place in the group. Try to attend when people plan an event - meeting at one site. It's a lot of fun plus you make real contacts and become someone they will share information with.

Flickr has a lot of local groups but it isn't the only source. Search online and see what you find.

Read local history. Read the news. See which buildings in your own town are historical and may be in danger of being demolished. Read about the history fo your area and see what has already been lost and what is still left.

Check real estate listings. Some places have been for sale for years, empty. Some of them are being sold due to fire or damage from something else. Some are being sold in order to be knocked down so the land can be farmed or have housing developments built over them.

Urban Exploration Photography Tips

My new (new 2 years ago) digital camera has a great feature for urban and rural explorers, zoom. I've got 10x zoom. This makes a big difference in what I can get into a photo without having to be physically closer. You can't always get close up when there are fences, animals, and etc in the way.

Frame your photo and use the rule of thirds. I like to photograph a foreground of weeds/ wildflowers in front of a house. Sometimes I scoot down to the ground so the house appears to be on a hill. (It helps if it actually is on a bit of a rise). I like to get trees on the sides of my photos. It gives the photo a real, living edge. Then I take a photo where the house fills the frame.

Be creative, try different angles, try getting high (the roof of another building, a tree?) then get down low for a different view. Using a tripod is nice, if you have one. I did buy one but I have yet to actually take it with me.

I do have a camera strap. I always keep it on my wrist when I am using the camera. It is so easy to have some litle thing trip you up and next thing you drop the camera. If you have that strap over your wrist, your camera has a much better survival rate.

Focus on details. There will be little details you miss, You will notice them once you upload the photos from your camera. As you get practice you start noticing details easier, while you are still on the site. Train your mind to look for small things, the trimmings, the cracks. There will be details which especially appeal to you of course.

Don't be stingy with your photos. Take extra. You can delete any you don't need later. Or, you might find one of your extras just happened to catch the light and the angle just right.

Try different times of day, different seasons too. Sunset adds a glow to your photos outside. Winter makes everything look mysterious and silent. You should explore night photography too, what works for taking photos in darkness. Bring a flashlight, shine it on a window and get a photo of the beam inside the house.

Women Urban and Rural Explorers

I have met the women explorers on this list through my years of running the Flickr group: Ontario Rural Ruins.

If you are a woman urban or rural explorer send me a note and I will check your links and photos and add you to the list.

Flickr: Female Urban Explorers "This group is a place for UE girls to get together to talk about our explores and experiences and a place to share our images. Let's celebrate the fact that we are female Urban Explorers....and proud of it!"

msDeKay Ontario urban and rural explorer. Lots of photos, not all locations in Ontario.

KateKnevil Ontario rural explorer. Not a lot of photos but very good photos.

Lee-Ann Licini Ontario rural and urban explorer. She also runs the Creepy Ontario group on Flickr.

The Navigator Ontario urban and rural explorer. I've actually met Carla, face to face once.

Michelle Ontario rural explorer and artist. Now moved away from Ontario and living in the US. Her paintings of rural ruins are available on her site.

Are you one of those women who seem to always keep friends and always have them around to call on? I'm not.

I can make friends easily, easier than I think it should be. But, I never seem to keep friends. I don't chase them away. I just lose track of them or they kind of drift away until one day I realize I haven't heard from them in awhile.

I don't know what it is about me that causes this. When I am out with a friend we have a lot of laughs or we can talk about anything. I've always been a great listener and I'm not very judgmental. It must be a lack of energy on my part. I'm quite happy being alone and living with my own silence for days at a time.

Some of us, just aren't the friendship types.

But having a friend is nice. I can think of so many I have had over my life. Some were truly great friends who are still missed. Some were friends of the moment, co-workers mainly. I still have two friends I can track down these days, Deanna and Terry-Lynn.

Friendship Quotes

Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things. - Unknown

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. - Helen Keller

Like a Real Friend.... Lurking

I think it's nice to have lots of friends. But it must be time and energy consuming to keep up with everyone. The glossy magazines present us a lifestyle where women always have friends (and time to shop). Somehow those women are always slim and trim too and they seem to have lots of great clothes to wear on their slim and trim bodies. I'm not one of the glossy magazine women.

A very long time ago I tried to start socializing with other women online. It never went far. I'm just not the type to put the energy into something that would need a lot of social energy to get off the ground. Luckily, others have taken up the project on their own. You can find social networks online for women.

I'm sure there must even be social misfit/ hermit type women who get together for an online social tea or something. I'd like to find them. But, we are probably hard to track down and far too quiet to keep in touch.

But, if you want them, they are out there. Like a real friend... lurking.

It's getting harder to find time and energy to connect with other women these days. We have our own lives, our own projects and still have to get laundry done, pay the bills and find ourselves taking the odd nap. But, there is a real need for women to connect. I think, it's part of who we are and what makes us great.

Online Places to Find Women Friends

• Girlfriendology

• Girlfriend Social

• Girlfriend Celebrations

• Girlfriend Social Blog

• Girlfriend Circles

• Women's Friendship Group Meetup Groups

• The Friendship Blog

A friend drops her plans when you're in trouble, shares joy in your accomplishments, feels sad when you're in pain.

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice - but when you don't follow it, she still respects and loves you.

Doris Wild Helmering

Each time I read a title claiming to have a cure or remedy for menopause I laugh. There is no cure. Menopause is not something to be healed, it's a cycle of life for women. It's something that happens like birth, death and taxes. But, it doesn't have to be miserable.

Let yourself think about the whole thing, the big picture and find your own way through it and out to the other side. One way or another you are going to get there. It's up to you how the ride, the journey, goes.

This is not an easy topic for me to write about. I am 52, or will be in less than a month, I've never had children though I have been married. I would have liked children, instead I have looked after a lot of other children all my life. Most of all, I've been feeling old and the fact that I have menopause ahead of me, hasn't been something I feel okay about. So, I'm not writing this as someone who has all the answers, more like someone searching for the answers myself. No professionals required. Which of us is really a professional anyway?

From the start of our years as a young woman we begin teaching ourselves how to be women, how the woman's body works and what does it mean to be a woman in the world today. There are some written guidelines. There are a lot of spoken guides and a whole pile of double standards.

I'm a woman, born this way, lived this way, cleaned up my own blood for years this way. Being a woman is not about wearing a dress, putting on cosmetics and smelling nice. There is more to being a woman than the fact that we have different plumbing. We bleed. I don't think that should be taken so lightly or passed off as our obligation to the species, or whatever other babble religious officials and the male gender tend to tell us.

By now you must have heard that old thing about not trusting something that can bleed for 7 days and not die. Well, that's us, the magical, mystical woman. We can bleed, we do bleed and we do it so often it becomes a part of who we are. Menstruation becomes part of our identity, like having breasts or not growing a beard on our faces (for the most part). It's more than hormones.

Stay on the Sunny Side

So it does shake you up when you get to that age. The age where menopause becomes a reality, not just a word you learned how to spell.

I think it is easier for those who had children (or those who really never wanted them). You don't need to wonder what the point of all this blood, cramps, mood swings, mess and ruined underwear has been for all these years. As you take your Midol because the cramps have gotten worse in these last few years... I don't think those with children can feel the anger I feel. I don't have to apologize or explain it or avoid it. It's there and it's how I feel.

Of course, what we feel only matters to us. Menopause waits for no woman.

It would be nice to have a date for it. Menopause will start at 1:34AM on December 14th and end on December 16th, roughly 2:45PM. There isn't a schedule though. No plan and no knowing just when it will start or finish or what all the symptoms will be.

We hear about hot flashes. If our Mothers were around at the time, we know what they went through. I remember my Grandmother telling my Mother she should just have surgery and get it all taken out, like spare parts. My Grandmother just wanted her daughter to avoid pain, or what she thought of as a painful experience.. In fact, my Mother had a very easy menopause as much as I remember. We did talk about it so it's not that I wasn't there or didn't hear.

My sister-in-law just had a hysterectomy. It wasn't what she would have chosen. But, she has had endometriosis for many years and though she is sad about not having been able to have children - I think part of her is glad. An end to suffering is a good thing.

Today I'm writing this on the third day of my period. I wonder how many of them I have had since I was that 12 year old kid. I wonder how many more of them I will still have. I won't miss much about menstruation. I'm tired of dealing with it.

On the other hand, the mystery of menopause is just ahead of me. My friend, Deanna, is already there and she is just a few months older than I am. Her symptoms are things I'd be glad to do without. So, I'm hoping I will take after my Mother when the time comes. But, there's nothing we can know for sure but the fact that it will come and then, one day... it will be over and life will go on.

Women have to endure a lot with our bodies all our adult lives. I didn't get pregnant and give birth. But, I've been here in the trenches all these years. I'm sure I will get through menopause too. In the end, it will be nice to have it done and see how life is on the other side.

Each time I buy maxi pads now I think... this could be the last time I ever need to buy these! That's the thought that cheers me up. I guess we each need to find our own encouraging and happy thought (or thoughts) when it comes to menopause.

As we get older we are told to think of ourselves as goddesses, getting better, like a fine wine. Those are nice sentiments. In reality, I feel we are supposed to fade into the background like a nice old granny (even if we never had children). I want to find something good about menopause. I want to feel happy about who I am in this time of my life. Most of all, I don't want to feel that I'm done. I went to Amazon, looking at the books with so much advice, mostly medical and promises of cures. You can't "cure" menopause! I noticed this book and it offered me the magic and happiness I want without even knowing that is what I lacked. Menopause has taken some of my spirit away. I don't want someone telling me I'm more powerful than ever and I should be out there taking over the world. I just want my own world to be a better place, again. That would be enough for me. I'm going to take a look at this book and I'm passing the link along with high hopes for all of us.