It's hard to find a good, big, handsome man.

Fat Chicks Want More

I'm over 40... actually over 45 if you get technical. I'm a large sized woman, BBW (yes, I do think a woman can be big and beautiful). I'm divorced, which isn't bad as a drawback, but I can't quite see it as a plus. I'm also not the type who plays around with casual sex. So, it's not easy to find a man to spend time with. It's actually down right discouraging.

I've tried dating. I don't want to talk about it more than to sum it up. Men my age seem to be looking for casual sex, no matter what they actually say. Also, no matter what they look like in size or shape they all seem to want "fit" women. I don't mind this too much. I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me, without trying to make myself become who they want. (Within reason).

I'm not writing this to criticize the men. They are human too, after all. I'm not looking for a perfect man and I don't want to try to make myself into someone's perfect woman. I would like to find a guy who wants me though. Me, as I am. I expect I will change, for the better and likely other things will just never get any better than they are right now. I'm a realist.

Introverted and Quiet, But a Good Listener

I find it difficult to meet men. I'm a bit shy, introverted. I can get over that and be social but I have to get out of my own head in order to do it. I just ignore myself and go ahead and be social.

I've always been a good listener. Probably because I don't talk as much as the person I'm listening to. But, I do like to listen, to learn and get to know people.

I've given up on most dating sites.

First, I don't want to pay to join a site. Then find out there are no men in my area. Or, at least no men who say they are interested in large women and an actual relationship involving getting to know a person versus just having a warm body to screw.

Secondly, I don't like to join a site that looks promising and claims to be free only to find out it stops being free when you actually find someone you want to contact. What is the point of using a "free" site if you can't do anything once you set up a profile? No one can contact you, unless they pay for it, either.

Why is it so Hard to Find a BHM?

I'd like to meet a man who is large sized, taller than I am (not a challenge) and not slender. Someone local so we could have a real relationship not 'let's pretend' online. A man who has humour - likes to laugh and doesn't take everything too seriously all the time. A man who cares about others and yet has that balance of not doing too much either. Everyone needs some space for themselves, it never works to give too much of yourself.

I'd like to meet a man who would go on road trips with me. I like finding and photographing old buildings and places. I like spending time in bookstores and then spending time in coffee shops reading the books I have. I really like a weekend getaway. Just drive somewhere and spend time... doing nothing much. I can make plans or have a general plan for the day with room for unexpected detours.

I'd like a man who could come to family dinners and work with me when we host the family for dinners and holidays. Not that I'm an event manager but I do like family and value those connections. Even when things aren't going smooth and I might be really annoyed with one or more of them.

I like science fiction and history. I like various types and styles of art and I like making things, sewing and crafts. I'm not especially religious, if I'm anything I'm Pagan, not an organized religion. I'm not an animal person, I'm allergic to them. I'm not a neat freak, it bugs me when someone is compulsive about putting every last thing away right down to the coffee maker. I don't want to move anywhere to meet someone, I've already done that once when I was about ten years younger.

Why is it so hard to meet a nice Big Handsome Man? I don't think I'm expecting too much but I don't want to ask for too little either.

I started playing Dungeons and Dragons in the late 70's with my Dad as the Dungeon Master and myself, brother and sisters as the players. Now and then a friend would be over and join in the game. But, it was a lot more complicated to join in than a game of cards or Monopoly or any other board game. So, usually having people join in wasn't so great. By the time we explained the game and set up new characters for them, it would be about time for them to go home to their own family.

By the early 80's my Dad was no longer playing and I was the Dungeon Master. I loved drawing and creating maps. I'd never admit it to my brother and sisters but I did rearrange the original map as they wandered along through it. How can you not give in to the temptation to move things around when the players seem to blunder along and miss the best stuff you had put there for them to find? Not all of it was bad. Most of it they could have survived.

I never knew Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) was supposed to be for boys. It never occurred to me that being a female Dungeon Master was unusual. It was a lot of fun. I was glad when I could take over from my Dad. He was far too strict about following all the rules. We never seemed to get the game off the ground while he was in charge. I was less rule abiding. We skipped several steps from the player guide but we all got into the game. Not just the game play but really enjoying the adventure and using our imagination.

These Days...

In writing about women playing Dungeons and Dragons I've found that we don't really stand out so much as we once would have. Women are mixing in like any other game player. There aren't many resources geared to women playing D&D because that kind of exclusivity just isn't important any more. Except, it is still nice to be a girl and feel different from the other grunting, sword carrying, usually taller and less curvier players.

I wonder if women playing D&D dress up for it in costumes. It would be fun but could bring out more of the differences between players rather than keeping the spirit of the game and just having a lot of fun as part of a group of adventurers risking life and limb at the whim of the Dungeon Master.

Essential Dungeons and Dragons Game Play and Resources

• Wizards of the Coast

• Dragon*Con

• What D&D Character Am I?

• Live-action women's Dungeons and Dragons show - Boing Boing

Dungeons and Dragons for the Women Gamers

• Dungeons and Dragons | Pinterest
• Girls and D&D | Dungeon Bastard
• The 10 Hottest Ladies of Dungeons & Dragons - Topless Robot
• Dungeon Divas: Dice, Women, & Dungeons and Dragons Miniatures
• People them with Monsters: Familial D&D Adventures with the Girls
• Guttersnipe: Girls Do Play D&D | Fantasy Magazine
• Girls in Geekdom: Dispelling the Myth | Ask the Dungeon Master
• Introducing D&D to Girly Girls | GeekDad | Wired.com

Dungeons & Dragons Starter Set

I miss the old red box. A cosmetic thing but still... it was such a great shade of red. But, it is great to have an update to the starter set. I wouldn't pass it up

The Gilmore Girls was a television series created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, starring Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel and enough characters to fill a small town. Of course, the town, Stars Hollow, was part of the show as well as the fictional location where Rory grew up and Lorelai went from spoiled rich 16 year old girl with a baby to owner of The Dragonfly Inn with her best friend, Sookie, as a partner.

Rumours about a Gilmore Girls Movie or New Series

Since the show ended there have been rumours about it coming back. So far nothing concrete and the original producers and actors are not saying anything for sure. I would love to see a Gilmore Girls Christmas special. It could tie up loose ends about whatever happened to Lorelai and Rory....?

Did you love, like or never watch it all that much?

Since the show ended I have heard people criticizing it. Some say Lorelai was an awful Mother, prying into everything, not setting a great example and so on. But, I think, that was what the Gilmore Girls was really about: making mistakes, getting things wrong but overall keeping on track and standing by your family, friends and the values you hold especially close. Gilmore Girls wasn't about a perfect Mother and daughter relationship. It wasn't meant to be an icon for single Mothers or small business women or girls growing up. It was about learning from your mistakes and not being afraid to take chances and be who you really are.

Lorelai and Emily

I especially like every scene with Lorelai and Emily, her Mother. They had such a hard relationship, each wanting to be closer and yet neither of them willing to give enough ground to find that middle ground. The actresses (Lauren Graham and Kelly Bishop) made these scenes my favourites during all seven seasons.

Women ran the show. Women were the central characters but the men in their lives were important too. Lorelai dated a few but kept coming back to Christopher (Rory's Father) and Luke (who owned the famous Luke's Diner). Did you ever wish Lorelai had married Max, from season one and stuck with him? I still think he would have been the best match for her, but it just didn't get written that way. Lorelai also had a rocky relationship with her Father. I was happy to see the final episode end with him telling her she had done a good job with Rory and deserved to be congratulated.

Which character was your favourite?

There were so many characters in that town: Sookie and Jackson (Melissa McCarthy and Jackson Douglas) were so much fun to watch as they began dating and then all the years of being married and having children. They created their own show every time they had a scene together.

I liked Dean best of all Rory's boyfriends. Of the town's people Babette, Miss Patty and Gypsy (the car repair woman) stand out for me. Do you remember Babette's little house and her tall husband, Maury?

Then, how can anyone forget Paris Geller? Starting out by considering Rory her competition for excelling at school and going to Harvard. Paris and Rory became unlikely friends. Lane was Rory's best friend but I'm sure Rory was the best friend Paris ever had. If ever the Gilmore Girls gets a come back or a Christmas special, Paris (Liza Weil) must be there.

Gilmore Girls Wiki (Great fan site and knowledge base about the show).

25 other little known facts about the Gilmore Girls (from Thought Catalog).

Missing the Gilmore Girls?

I haven't seen the show come up on Netflix so far. But, I've only been with Netflix since the start of this year. If you need a Gilmore Girl hour or two the best you can do is get the DVDs or take a look at the other options, like the music from the show (see below).

Fan Moments for the Gilmore Girls

Do you remember the last scene, from the last episode of the last season... sitting in Luke's Diner, ordering coffee and breakfast. The camera pulls away as Lorelai and Rory continue to talk. Just the way the pilot episode ended, only they were talking about boys instead of Rory travelling.

That Girl ran for five seasons, 1966 to 1971. At the time Ann Marie was the first career girl/ woman, living as a single, independent woman. The show starred Marlo Thomas as Ann Marie and Ted Bessell as Donald Hollinger.

Marlo Thomas wanted a show where where the main character was a modern young woman focused on her own goals. Originally, she wanted the show to be called Miss Independence which was the nickname given to her by her own parents.

After the feminist protest against bras and other feminine products from the Miss America pageant in 1968, Marlo Thomas went braless on That Girl.

The Story of Ann Marie, That Girl

The show begins as Ann Marie leaves her home in Brewster, New York and moves to Manhattan, planning to become an actress. She moves into apartment 4-D at 344 West 78th Street, New York City. She gets an agent who wants her to change her name. However, her parents don't like this and Ann decides to keep her own name. A lot of the show was not about Ann bulldozing her way through but about how she could listen, compromise and yet still be true to her own heart and goals.

Each week the show follows the story of Ann, her friends and neighbours in the apartment building and others she meets in between places. Also, her boyfriend, Donald Hollinger, a reporter for Newsview magazine. In between auditions and acting classes she takes odd and part time jobs. Donald and Ann meet during the filming of a TV commercial she is in.

Ann and Donald dated and then were engaged but there was no happy ending because the show was cancelled before they were married. Marlo Thomas wanted the show to end on a high note so Ann and Donald never married during the final season because Marlo Thomas did not want to send the message that the end goal for every woman should be to get married, as if that were the reason the show could now end.

A pioneer those days, That Girl was one of the first TV shows about a single woman living and working on her own. Before Mary Tyler Moore Show or Murphy Brown, That Girl portrayed women as career women who could still be feminine and fashionable.

I Remember Marlo Thomas as That Girl

I don't know how I have such strong memories of watching That Girl. I was born at the end of 1964 so I would have been about two years old when it started. But, I do remember it well. I remember her clothes, I remember her voice and I remember always managing to work things out by the end of each show.

Later in my own life, when I was on the Internet and wanted a login name I could use online for all kinds of sites and not feel silly about, I picked That Grrl. A modern, digitally correct version of That Girl. I still use That Grrl, or thatgrrl, on almost every site I begin an account online.

It seems a very long time ago but, I was a candystriper at the local hospital. If you consider volunteering a job, candystriping was my first job. I had done other things to make money before that, but not in that day to day reporting for a job kind of way.

My favourite candystriping job was working on the main information and greeting desk at the hospital entrance. We were asked for change for the parking meters and phones more than anything else. But we also directed traffic to the right floor, looked up patient room numbers, took phone calls that the switchboard couldn't immediately direct to the right room.

I also worked as an escort, taking people from their room out to the front door where people were picking them up to take them home. I also took a library cart around to the patient rooms. I delivered and set up the little televisions in the rooms too. I never liked having to collect the money when people forgot or just didn't want to pay for it.

There were other jobs the candystripers did. I forget most of them now. We had the run of the hospital and could go almost anywhere. The place I most liked to go was the very top floor of the hospital. Not the roof, but the floor just one under it. It was never finished being built and didn't even have glass in the windows. Being so high up we could look out over the whole area. I was sure I could see my intersection at the highway. Mostly it was a sea of trees and forest.

What is a Candy Striper?

• Candy Striper & Hospital Volunteer Career Profile

• What is a Candy Striper?

Afterwards

Later I went on to volunteer in other types of businesses and charities. I currently volunteer at a medical charity (again). No uniform this time around, just a lanyard and a name card.

I still have my old candystriping uniform around somewhere. All my badges for volunteer hours are still pinned to the shoulder strap. After 100 hours we got a red bar to pin on our uniforms. I had three of them and then they changed the rewards to something else. I forget what it was now. Not something we could pin on anyway.

My Mother had hopes I would become a nurse after my candystriping days. But, I never wanted to be in the medical field.

Candystriper Paper Doll, 1965