I joined the Dull Women's Club, on Facebook.

When asked what I thought dull meant, I wrote: Simple, plain, normal, sane. Able to appreciate the smaller things in life, if not the better things.

This is what I wrote as my self introduction:

I'm excessively dull. Sometimes the highlight of my day is finding my backscratcher to get rid of an itch on my back. I live in Ontario, the small city of Barrie. At the end of this year I will be 60. I live with my Mother, who is now 80. I collect books, more than I can actually read. I make ASCII art. I have been a writer and editor online for years. I used to crochet and sew. I'm divorced with no children. I drink coffee. I couldn't find a photo of myself though I have easily a thousand photos I've taken of old farm houses around Ontario. I'm a volunteer with Ontario Barn Preservation, writing the newsletter, etc.

A later comment about growing foot size as we get older:

I think everything you don't want to grow, grows as you get older. Things you wish would grow, like getting just a bit taller, don't grow. I started wearing men's shoes because I could get the same size (more or less) by number but they were wider and longer than women's shoes. Once upon a time I was a size 6, now I'm a 10. Not a 10 in the way I'd like to be a 10, just the dull way of having bigger feet.

Behind every successful woman is a suit of men's clothing? There seems to be a trend for women to dress as men in order to feel successful, confident, professional - the ideal stereotypical man. It's sad for women and unfair to men. Its letting stereotypes continue to thrive when we should be changing them, not ourselves.

People get angry if you post anything less than agreeable about gender transitioning, fluidity, and all the other words and phrases which just keep on showing up. They all mean the same thing really. People have dived so deep into gender stereotypes they can't see their way any more. We don't need gender stereotypes. We don't need more divisions, more definitions of gender.

We live with a flood of gender issues. Created by people, man made - using an old fashioned, non-gender neutral phrase.

We call everyone "guys" while demanding militant attention to gender identity otherwise. It's very weird. I've posted about the "guys" thing before. Today I'm posting about women dressing as men, behaving and acting as they believe men do, stereotypical men. Why are these women changing how they look to suit old stereotypes so they can feel better about themselves? Why do they need a change of clothes to make them feel masculine in order to feel better about themselves? Why do they need to be masculine to be better women?

It really worries me that women can't seem to feel good about being women any more. Too many women seem to feel it is easier to become a masculine stereotype than to live as a woman and feel good about who you are, what you can accomplish, and how the world sees you.

Women call themselves queer, non-binary, gender fluid...  wear traditional/ stereotypical male clothes then believe they are/feel stronger, more professional, business-like, confident. The clothes make the man, they say. But, that's a very old expression. Why isn't it outdated? Why do so many women, people, still believe it, literally?

Gender should not define who you are. You should. Who you are should be about you, not your gender. This is what a stereotype is. Defining someone based on perceptions of race, religion, politics, age, gender, etc. We should be trying to understand this. But we seem to be sinking deeper and deeper into it. Giving the stereotypes new life and much more importance.

A man likes fixing cars and that's ok. A woman likes sewing and crochet, that's ok too. No one expects them to change genders to suit their hobbies, interests, or professions. If a person enjoys ballet we decide they must be feminine. A boy who wants a ballet costume, isn't just a boy interested in ballet and wearing a costume. If a female is interested in fixing cars she must be masculine. A girl who likes science, technology, auto mechanics, carpentry, plumbing, maybe even construction work... she shouldn't also like wearing a pretty pink dress. You can't be feminine and like those "boy things". Does this mean a woman in a dress, or wearing pretty colours, should feel less confident, less capable, less self-reliant? Those are really old stereotypes. Why do we still promote them and worse, believe in them?

More than believing in stereotypes we now enforce them. Women who begin dressing as men (typical and traditional men's clothing styles) say they feel different about themselves. They feel powerful, stronger, all traditional things associated with men. Men dress as women (typical and traditional female clothing, cosmetics, jewelry styles) and say they feel softer, gentler, etc. But, changing your clothes, hairstyle, getting cosmetic surgery, none of that changes your brain. Playing a video game you take on a character, an avatar, but its still you playing the game. Like a wolf in sheep's clothing - the wolf is just wearing a new skin, under that is still a wolf. It's just a skin, a covering, a costume.

If you want to live differently change your personality. You don't need a different pronoun, a new wardrobe or surgery. Just be yourself, the person you want to be. Make the change to who you are, rather than making cosmetic changes to suit a stereotype.

Be yourself. You are not your gender, your gender is just part of the whole. This post may upset some people who don't really read it. Just skim for keywords to go of on a flaming rant. But, it should upset people. People need to think about why we have so many gender issues, why do we still pigeon hole people into what makes a man and what makes a woman, based on preconceived notions from long ago?  Why is that accepted and encouraged and protesting it (pointing it out at all) aggressively discouraged?

Seeing Yourself as a Modern Spinster

The best women in romance stories are those with careers, friends, a place of their own and other things I don't always have yet myself. I love to read about these women. They are already happy in their lives before Mr. Anything comes along. I want to be that woman. No doubt I read those books just to see myself in that life. Well, the writing and humour are good too.

It's kind of sad that when you look up "single women" or "single woman" online you get dating advice. In between being told how important it is to find a man there are a few financial tips. So, not only are we sad and lonely but we are poor too. Or, if not poor we don't know how to handle our money.

In fact, being single means taking on my of these things, the elements of dealing with day to day life. We learn how to do our own financial things, our own home repairs, our own cooking, cleaning and landscaping too if we need to. Anything we can't do ourselves we can get help or hire help, just like anyone else.

Living alone gives you freedom to do things your own way. I like knowing everything will be exactly where I left it. Of course, that can be a downside too. It's nice to have someone else tidy up the breakfast dishes some days when you just get sick of doing everything least thing yourself. Those are the days you look for shortcuts, like paper plates and eating over the sink instead of sitting at the table. Shortcuts are ok. But, you don't want to become used to living that way. As if you're just a nomad in your own home.

Things You Miss Out on if you Never Live Alone at Least Once in Your Life

1. Taking to yourself. It sounds silly but I like talking to myself. I like hearing the sound of my own voice when there is no one to give me odd looks, start arguing with me or interrupting me when I speak. Plus, I can give myself the greatest compliments and not care how honest or sincere they are.
2. Finding out how neat or messy you really are. There's no one to impress but yourself. No one to tidy up or make the mess, but you. When you live alone you might start off with great habits for decluttering and cleaning but end up discovering your inner clutter bug far too easily.
3. You never have to wait for the bathroom or the shower. You don't even have to share the bed or find yourself shivering because someone else rolled up into a cocoon with all the blankets. The best thing is taking your time in the shower, having a hot shower whenever you want and you can walk out of there still wet without having to struggle your damp body into any kind of clothing - not even underwear or a bathrobe.
4. Decorate your place however you want to and change it around as often as you can manage to spend the money or make yourself move the furniture. Add throw pillows in neon green and pink if you like. Paint the kitchen space blood red or try your hand at some DIY renovations and stick up some fancy wallpaper.
5. Finish the last of the milk in your cereal just because it's there. You don't need to ask if anyone else wants you to make them something for dinner and listen to what they do and do not want. If you have food dislikes or allergies it's really nice not having to explain them to someone else or pick those icky mushroom bits off your pizza. You can even try being your own chef, experiment with cooking and baking new ingredients. It's also really nice to try dieting and not have someone telling on you.

Patiently Quiet and Still

One of the best things about being a single woman is being alone. I absorb the quiet, the sense of being in my own place by myself. It is nice. I'm alone but far from lonely. I think it is one of the things you really only appreciate when you don't have it for awhile.

Like when I babysit for my sister a couple of days. When I get home again the first thing I feel is that quiet, the atmosphere of peace and patience. My place is just patiently waiting for me to decide what I want to do next. I can take an hour, just doing nothing at all if I want to.

Tips for Living Alone

• Your home, no matter how small or messy, is your refuge, your shelter and the place where you keep your stuff. Make your home welcoming at the end of the day. Keep things organized so you won't get lost in your own clutter. Live by the mantra 'a place for everything and everything in it's place'.
• Pick everything in your home from the big things like furniture to the small things like tea towels for yourself. Use the patterns you want, the style you like and whatever works for you in a practical way.
• Add extra touches to brighten up your home and your favourite places like a reading area, your bedroom, kitchen and bathroom.
• Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and keep basics like aspirin in stock. Try vitamins and see which work for you.
• Keep active. Not just exercising but have interests and hobbies outside of work. Have a regular group of people you spend time with, especially if you don't have many friends. Keep acquaintances, if not friends.
• Don't become a home body. Get out there and do something each day, even if it's just picking up groceries, mailing a letter, or taking a walk around the block for no reason but to be outside.
• If you want a pet but can't have one where you live get a pretend pet. All you really need somedays is to just see something else with a face, other than your own. I have a stuffed dog, Coffee, from my niece. (I don't even like dogs).

Spinsters Are Not Alone

• Spinster Jane

• Solitary Spinster

I don't agree with the part about independent women. There are women who can be described as too alone, but there are women who are independent and who are not so guarded and do not push people away.

The woman who is too clingy holds on to a man for dear life in fear that he will reject her and leave her like the first man in her life—her dad. The man who she is clinging to perceives her as being too much of a responsibility, so he leaves.

The woman who is afraid of commitment is very defensive and guards her heart—she doesn’t let herself get too close. This woman usually calls herself the “independent woman.” The title is something she believes will shield her from dealing with a greater reality, the reality of having the “syndrome.” She may believe that being in a relationship with a man is a sign of weakness—not realizing that it can be a sign of strength, because that mate is there to compliment the person she is. Men want nothing more then to feel wanted by their woman. It makes a man feel good to be our “knights in shining armor,” so if he feels unappreciated he will eventually get tired of it, and leave.

In both instances, it leaves a woman in precisely the predicament she fears—alone.

Fatherless women have to be more conscious in their actions while in a relationship. Many times, we feel as if we are at war trying to fight off the symptoms of the syndrome in order to have a healthy relationship.

via Fatherless Woman Syndrome » The Liberator Magazine.

They did have their own unique way. Loads of butter and not being too fussy about how pristine everything was. Just like real people versus the over friendly and sterile stuff on most cooking shows now.

What can two fat ladies do? In this world where women are valued when they are young and skinny – what possible interest could two fat ladies from the UK have and how could they have published cookbooks and star in their own popular cooking show (1996 to 1999)?

Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright were the Two Fat Ladies

I loved the Two Fat Ladies because there dared to do things I would like to do. But, they dared to do them on TV, with people watching and they laughed too.

You can paralyze yourself with fear, make it hard just to get out of bed each morning. Out of bed it’s time to start thinking about how you look and how other people will see you. People with bad teeth won’t smile. People with bad hair wear a hat or shave it off. People who are fat can’t hide so well. Instead we think about how fat we look and we don’t smile, or talk much to other people. In short, many people are so self-conscious they do all they can to escape notice, stay in the background and go about doing what they must, living their own lives like ghosts. Living faded, in the background.

The Two Fat Ladies stepped out of the background and laughed about it.

They cooked with cream, butter, red meat and booze and they were not worried about dipping their fingers in or cooking in pristine conditions. They were biker babes riding a Triumph Thunderbird motorbike driven by Jennifer with Clarissa in the sidecar. The Two Fat Ladies were themselves and they let the rest of us see them that way too. I was proud of them and happy for them.

RIP Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright - You are missed.