As the oldest of four kids, Thanksgiving was my least favourite holiday. I did like having the family come from all over Ontario, something I appreciate much more now that I am older.

My dislike of Thanksgiving was not for any of the popular political/ soapbox reasons about natives and the New World or even the mass killing of turkeys... I didn't like all the extra work and the arguing and the fact that we spent most of the day and the day before making pies, homemade bread, all those vegetables and then it was all over (for the men) in about 20 minutes.

For the rest of us, myself and my Mother and my Grandmother, there was another hour of clean up. My brother would help sometimes - he surprises me every family holiday now because he is the first one up helping to clean up and serve the dinner, every single time. My two sisters were very little help. Sure, they had the excuse of being younger, but they could have done more. Ironically, one of my sisters now says she always helped and I was the one who did nothing. Yet, somehow I remember peeling apples for pies and she was never there. I remember mashing potatoes, washing dishes, setting the table... no sister visible.

More than siblings, I resented the men at Thanksgiving. Not my Grandfather, because he would pitch in a bit and he would have helped more if we had asked him. But, he seemed to have a pass on the work, an old traditional kind of guy and a quiet guy too. I mostly would be angry with my Dad. He would sit back, doing nothing and lord it over as if he were king of the castle and never had to lift a finger. Maybe that was the big difference in how I felt, his attitude. My Uncle would be there too, he would bring plates out and mostly clear the table. But most years he was too full to do much and happy to watch TV with the other men.

In the kitchen, that's where Thanksgiving always seemed to be for me. We would be washing dishes before dinner, and again after dinner. Putting turkey and cabbage rolls and all those vegetables into serving dishes and platters and then putting all the leftovers into storage containers. Hours of time making pies and homemade bread. Some years we made apple strudel too, from scratch just like the bread and pies. My Mom and I worked together all Thanksgiving Day.

When my Grandmother (and sometimes my Aunt) came over they joined in. We talked about family history, people I had only met once (that I could remember) in my life. There was gossip too. But there really wasn't much conversation. We talked about what we were doing mainly, how to make the bread right. There were always instructions, especially for me, being the youngest and newest member of the baking/ cooking crew. My sisters, by almost never being there, missed out.

You may read this and think this isn't painting an anti-Thanksgiving picture. But, that wasn't how I felt about the baking and cooking with my Mother and Grandmother. I did like that part. I participated every year. Sometimes I would get impatient with being overloaded with instructions, as if I didn't already know what I was doing. Sometimes I would become the topic of conversation and hear about everything I should be doing and thinking differently. As aggravating as that would be, I've come to understand it was well meant.

I'm less anti-Thanksgiving these days because of my brother. Isn't it funny how life moves back on itself? I was so angry about being left with the women working while the men watched TV as if that was all they had to do all day (it pretty much was all they did as far as I could see). I could never understand why men were allowed, even expected, to be so useless and yet (in the case of my Dad) so critical too. He would criticise everything I did, as I got older I would try to not be there and do less. Then he would accuse me of hiding to avoid work. Of course, he didn't have to hide to avoid work.

Anyway, my brother is different. I don't know how or when it happened. He could have grown up to be a TV watching on Thanksgiving, like his Dad. But, he didn't. It wasn't while we grew up, he did help some but not the way he really pitches in now. I can go to his house for Thanksgiving and it can be me that does nothing but watch TV. I'm still kind of amazed by this every time.

So I'm less anti-Thanksgiving but it will never become one of my favourite holidays. What do you really think and feel about Thanksgiving in a personal way? Most people talk about the natives and old history that doesn't affect most of us personally. For me that's not what Thanksgiving is about. It's not about the culling of turkeys, the native peoples or religion and being thankful to any god. Thanksgiving is about family, the good, the bad and the ugly, all part of a pack of people working together one way or another.

Politically Based Anti-Thanksgiving

• Unthanksgiving Day - Wikipedia
• National Day of Mourning (United States protest) - Wikipedia
• Thanksgiving Celebration - Native Americans Thanksgiving
• Aaron Helton: The Anti-Thanksgiving

 Why Complicate Thanksgiving with Old News?

I don't really understand the point of the politically based anti-Thanksgiving theme. Why do people need to bring old history into a family holiday? Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for the things we have, each of us, individually or as a family.

I know negative people and I know people who take on the woes of the world as if they were responsible for all of them, even though they could never have been in all those places at the same time. I don't understand this way of thinking. You will never change everyone and even to try is breaking your own rules for everyone having freedom of thought and expression. So, why keep flogging a dead horse?

Enjoy Thanksgiving for what it is. Why make it so complicated with old news? I'm not going to take responsibility for something done before I was even born. I'm not going to drag religion into a holiday when I haven't been inside a church in at least 10 years. I'm also going to eat turkey, guilt-free. I like meat. I don't like tofu.

If you don't like Thanksgiving and refuse to celebrate the holiday - do it for your own reasons.

Feminists, Thanksgiving and Women's Work

• The Thanksgiving Gender Divide: Women Cook, Men Watch Football?
• Women, Thanksgiving and Gender Roles - About.com
• Old Feminist: Thanksgiving work
• Feminist Legal Theory: Thanksgiving: Women's work?
• Everyday Feminist - Thanksgiving served up feminist style - The Patriot Ledger

Long ago I was a bride, looking for just the right ring for the man I was going to marry. I knew I wanted both of us to have a ring. I knew he was ok with the idea, though perhaps not as enthusiastic as I would have liked. I also knew, from growing up with a brother, the ring I picked for him would have to be plainer, less romantic and sturdier than the ring he was picking out for me.

So I had a general idea in mind as I went ring shopping. I went by myself. I could have taken spectators but I liked being out there and doing this romantic and happy thing with just my own thoughts and opinions. (I did get a ride to the store with my Mom and she was the first person to see the ring I picked out).

I Especially Like this Claddagh Ring for a Bridegroom

It was not this Claddagh ring which I noticed on Amazon today. I would have picked this one if I had seen it. I think it’s about as perfect as I would have liked at the time. I like the tradition and history being the Irish/ Celtic symbol of the Claddagh. I think my husband would have liked it too. Plus, it fits with the plan of sturdy, plain and simple. A fairly thick band without much sticking up in odd places and nothing that will possibly fall off and be lost.

I was happy with the ring I did pick for him. It was a plain gold band with small (tiny you might call them) diamonds in a row on the front of the band. It was also sturdy, simple and plain. He still has it.

Other choices for men's wedding rings or wedding bands.

There are far more options than a plain gold band.

Consider different metals versus the standard gold. Wedding bands can be far more durable than gold these days. A man who works with his hands would be better with a ring made from harder metals which are also less pricey than gold, silver or platinum (as a side benefit).

Consider how flashy he is versus comfortable and everyday casual. Will he like a ring with extras like engraving, diamonds or designs. If he tends to be plain, traditional or if his career expects him to look a certain way (reliable or trendy and fashionable) that is something to work around.

Don't forget this is something he will wear for a long time, every day. Get the ring sized right. Or, make sure it can be returned to be resized. (This is a good thing down the road as we don't always keep the same ring size we had when we were 20, or 30).

If you know the ring is "the one" get it inscribed inside the band. It may be a bit corny and old fashioned, but some traditions are worth keeping. Even if he isn't the type to appreciate a romantic gesture, most men will still like that you thought of it.

Quietly an Earth Witch

I choose to call myself an Earth Witch because it reflects what is most important to me in my feeling about life and living: the planet we live on and the traditions we keep.

The Earth is, of course the planet. It's the air we breathe, literally. We are far more dependent on the Earth than it on us. So, of all things, the Earth should be respected and cared for.

Witch, is the oldest and most commonly known name for the women who were midwives, wise women, herbalists and so on through history. So, Earth Witch suits me. Traditions for me include all the families, the history and the people who have built up our cultures, arts, and sciences.

The name was my choice and it is fairly personal. I don't tell people about being an Earth Witch in every simple introduction. Religion (I don't really think of it as a religion or a faith or spirituality) is a personal choice and something you may not share with just anyone.

Keeping being a Witch to yourself is not about past history with Witch burnings and all of that. People will use that as a way to puff themselves up or connect themselves to a tragic part of history. I don't feel that way about it. Being a Witch is personal for me. I don't need to prove myself, prove how much of a Witch I am to anyone but me. So, I'm quietly an Earth Witch and I'm a solitary, quiet Earth Witch.

Guide Books for Solitary Witches

Everyone needs a place to begin. If you have questions about what a Witch is or what a Witch does/ believes/ etc do some research and find out.

A Solitary Earth Witch

Discovering your own Path and Exploring in Your own Way Being a Solitary Witch (or Pagan or Wiccan or which ever name you give yourself) is not a lonely thing. It does not mean you are not really a Pagan or Witch or Wiccan. It often means you could not find another group or path which suited you.

For instance, I don't believe in any god or goddess. I could be an Atheist but I do believe there is something out there. Everything had to begin at some point of origin. However, I don't think there is any god looking over us, looking out for us or guiding us. We are on our own and responsible for our own actions - a god is not going to step in and save us from the mess we create on our planet.

Almost every last group of Pagans I have discovered have beliefs in some form of god or goddess. I don't believe in any god or goddess who asks for or requires worship. This is why I stopped believing in gods. If you were a god, all powerful, how arrogant you would be to require worship and followers. Isn't needing worship and praise and thanks a big sign that you really aren't all powerful at all?

This is how I see it. I'm not asking anyone else to think the same way. Being a Solitary Witch works for me because my beliefs, thoughts and ideas are my own and I don't need to defend or explain to anyone because I'm the only one on my path.

In essense, being a Solitary Witch (or Pagan or Wiccan) is discovering your own path and deciding what makes sense and matters to you and then you follow your path without waiting for anyone else to give you their permission. However, you still need to do no harm to others. Following your own path is not about thumbing your nose at other religions. It is about doing right for yourself - for your self.

Do No Harm to Others

Magic Comes from Within Yourself I have deep beliefs in doing no harm to others.

For me this means I don't like the spells and spellcraft most people write about as Witchcraft. At some level they are all doing harm as they take away the free choice of others and assume we (personally) are right in all our choices and should now enforce them on others or cause change for others. I just don't think we have that right.

Everyone has their own destiny and their own path to get there. The only person you have a right to change is yourself.

Magic comes from within yourself. A spell is only a tool to help you focus on what you are changing within yourself. So, work from within first. Change yourself and you will change the world around you without having to touch a thing or cast any spells on anyone or any thing.

Exploring Religion and Paganism

I began exploring other religions and beliefs when I was in my early 20's. It started when I read about Catholic women not being allowed to attend church after giving birth. The women had to be "churched" as they were seen as unclean and unfit after having a baby. This was deeply not right to me.

I began to see how much of the accepted religions were based on gender and especially how often women were kept out or put down in some way. Being a woman myself I did not see how I could participate in any religion which did not fully value me.

So I explored. I love exploring!

I found out a lot of background for all the standard religions. I would not say I did in depth research. Once I found out enough I would begin looking elsewhere for a religion which did not let me down. I did not find anything I could accept until I began exploring Paganism, modern Pagans.

Of course, part of the reason it is fairly easy to find Paganism acceptable is the freedom to choose from among so many beliefs and never find yourself pigeon holed by rules and expectations. Don't think this means there are no rules or standards or snobbery. Of course there are. People are people. We bring out snobbery and our expectations to everything.

What Do You Think About Pagan Beliefs? - I've had some very aggressive attacks based on my beliefs. However, most people enjoy a good discussion. Whether or not you have ever researched a religion, what do you think about the Pagan religions or beliefs?

When I was about 20 I decided to look into religions. I knew the traditional Christian ways were not for me. I didn't like they way these religions viewed women. I had just read a book where the women were put into isolation after having their period or giving birth, they were "unclean". This was on top of growing up with the Adam and Eve mythology. From that point the Bible (written and rewritten by men) just goes on to look down on women, and worse. If I were a male, I would probably never have become Pagan. I would never have begun researching other religions and beliefs and looked deeper than the surface. Most likely I would have put religion behind me as not being all that important.

My Early Pagan Experience

I started with Witchcraft and Wicca because I found a book written in the 70's. It's a book I wouldn't choose to read now but parts of it were enough to send me looking for more information from more reliable sources. I found a Pagan bookstore referred to in a book. I made the hour long bus trip to downtown Toronto and found the place. Entering for that first time was not easy. I felt daring and yet I also felt I was walking into a place I didn't fully belong and might not be welcome. I wondered if they could see inside of me, my mind and my thoughts. Would they know what I was thinking, could they see my future and my past, my aura...? That was creepy.

The first thing that really happened was the smell. Ever since then I have noticed the same smell, strongly of incense over time, in every Pagan bookstore. I like pulling out a book I bought in a Pagan store. Even a couple of decades later I can smell it in the pages. If the smell ever goes away I don't know. So far it hasn't.

My adventure in that first Pagan store was intimidating. If I were less determined or less curious I doubt I would have tried another Pagan store. The people there did watch me and yet said nothing. Maybe they thought I was going to walk off with something, maybe they were just curious too, I won't know and I didn't ask then. I was already the shy type. I bought a book and a couple of polished rocks and I left, glad to be out of there. I was left with the feeling of not belonging and I never did go back to that store. Luckily there were others and more came along later.

Finding Where and How I Fit In

A few years more and the Internet came along too. By that time I was making my own decisions about what I believed and how I believed it. I didn't accept Wicca as it came. I took what felt right to me and put it together with how I felt about the world and it's people. I still believe this way; I'm very much an eclectic solitary type of Pagan. I gave myself the label of Earth Witch and I've stuck with that, to keep the explanation simple. To me an Earth Witch means I focus on the Earth, the natural and I don't feel influenced by deities or magick. I believe we each create our own magick from ourselves and it is up to each of us to choose how to use it, or not use it.

I have written about my Pagan beliefs before but not shared much of my actual experience. I used to get email from young women who wanted to know more about being Pagan. The main thing they wanted to know was how to hide it from their parents. I was never behind this. For one thing, if you have to hide it, maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

I do understand that some families are very Christian and close minded or even afraid of Pagan ideas and Pagan ways. If that is the case and you are living at home, this is not the time for you to explore being Pagan. Wait until you can do it openly. In the meantime, there is no reason you can't do simple things like have a collection of rocks, maybe some shells and feathers, keep a journal about your observations of nature, history and people. These are things you can do without upsetting your parents and family. You can be Pagan without having to prove you're Pagan. Know it yourself and start there.

Nowadays...

For me, being Pagan is a personal thing. I mainly keep it to myself. I've found a local group with weekly meetings but I have yet to venture out and attend one. I think I will. Each time I have stepped out and met other Pagans I have enjoyed the experience and learned new things about history, religion and beliefs. But, I'm comfortable with what I believe now, the way my feelings about being an Earth Witch have evolved. So I'm not as eager to stir myself up as I was when I was younger and just starting to explore and discover.

I like old fashioned things for young women. I'm also a history buff, a bit traditional with a cultural slant. So, charm bracelets are one of the things I have always liked. I have one.

My Mother bought me the bracelet and gave me the first few charms which I added to the chain. Later, my Dad brought me back a few more charms from his business travels. I have one which came as an oval picture frame and we had a photo of my sisters and myself inside the charm. But, that photo faded to almost nothing and now I can only see an outline of my sisters and I really. But, I know it's there.

That's another aspect to the charm bracelet. Each charm is a preserved memory. Something representing a moment in your life. An event, like a wedding or your first big trip overseas. A person, like the charm your Grandmother gave you one Christmas with the thistles of Scotland, her home country. Or, something just special to yourself, like a flying saucer charm because you really love science fiction and hope all your dreams of aliens from space aren't just wishful thinking.

Some Charming History

Charm bracelets may have started as an amulet to ward off bad luck or evil spirits.

In prehistoric times charms were made from clay, shells, and animal-bones. Gems, rocks and wood would have been used later, as tools evolved. As people and charms evolved they were also protection from spirits and in battle. Charms were also used to identify affiliation with religious and other types of groups.

The first charm bracelets (versus charms kept individually or worn in other ways) appeared 600 – 400 BC.with the Babylonians and some time later the Assyrians, Persians, and Hittites.

Queen Victoria brought new popularity to charm bracelets when she designed her own charm bracelet to mourn the death of her husband, Albert.

The Industrial Revolution brought changes all over but it meant items like jewelry became easier and cheaper to produce, thus they became available for the common people, not just those who were able to afford the more exclusive and valuable jewels.

In 1889, at the Paris Exposition, Tiffany & Co launched a chain link bracelet with a single dangling heart pendent. The charm bracelet became fashionable.

Soldiers from World War II brought charms/ trinkets home as souvenirs from local craftspeople in the areas they had visited during the fighting.

In the 1950's and 1960's charm bracelets were created to reflect life events. Movie stars, like Elizabeth Taylor, wore charm bracelets which brought more interest for teenagers to have charm bracelets of their own.