As a baby and a child you begin to demand your dignity, to find and expect to feel like a person. But, as you grow older, farther from childhood, you begin to lose your dignity. You become dependent, your body and mind forget and have to give in to necessity over dignity. Against your will.

I joined the Dull Women's Club, on Facebook.

When asked what I thought dull meant, I wrote: Simple, plain, normal, sane. Able to appreciate the smaller things in life, if not the better things.

This is what I wrote as my self introduction:

I'm excessively dull. Sometimes the highlight of my day is finding my backscratcher to get rid of an itch on my back. I live in Ontario, the small city of Barrie. At the end of this year I will be 60. I live with my Mother, who is now 80. I collect books, more than I can actually read. I make ASCII art. I have been a writer and editor online for years. I used to crochet and sew. I'm divorced with no children. I drink coffee. I couldn't find a photo of myself though I have easily a thousand photos I've taken of old farm houses around Ontario. I'm a volunteer with Ontario Barn Preservation, writing the newsletter, etc.

A later comment about growing foot size as we get older:

I think everything you don't want to grow, grows as you get older. Things you wish would grow, like getting just a bit taller, don't grow. I started wearing men's shoes because I could get the same size (more or less) by number but they were wider and longer than women's shoes. Once upon a time I was a size 6, now I'm a 10. Not a 10 in the way I'd like to be a 10, just the dull way of having bigger feet.

It's hard to find a good, big, handsome man.

Fat Chicks Want More

I'm over 40... actually over 45 if you get technical. I'm a large sized woman, BBW (yes, I do think a woman can be big and beautiful). I'm divorced, which isn't bad as a drawback, but I can't quite see it as a plus. I'm also not the type who plays around with casual sex. So, it's not easy to find a man to spend time with. It's actually down right discouraging.

I've tried dating. I don't want to talk about it more than to sum it up. Men my age seem to be looking for casual sex, no matter what they actually say. Also, no matter what they look like in size or shape they all seem to want "fit" women. I don't mind this too much. I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me, without trying to make myself become who they want. (Within reason).

I'm not writing this to criticize the men. They are human too, after all. I'm not looking for a perfect man and I don't want to try to make myself into someone's perfect woman. I would like to find a guy who wants me though. Me, as I am. I expect I will change, for the better and likely other things will just never get any better than they are right now. I'm a realist.

Introverted and Quiet, But a Good Listener

I find it difficult to meet men. I'm a bit shy, introverted. I can get over that and be social but I have to get out of my own head in order to do it. I just ignore myself and go ahead and be social.

I've always been a good listener. Probably because I don't talk as much as the person I'm listening to. But, I do like to listen, to learn and get to know people.

I've given up on most dating sites.

First, I don't want to pay to join a site. Then find out there are no men in my area. Or, at least no men who say they are interested in large women and an actual relationship involving getting to know a person versus just having a warm body to screw.

Secondly, I don't like to join a site that looks promising and claims to be free only to find out it stops being free when you actually find someone you want to contact. What is the point of using a "free" site if you can't do anything once you set up a profile? No one can contact you, unless they pay for it, either.

Why is it so Hard to Find a BHM?

I'd like to meet a man who is large sized, taller than I am (not a challenge) and not slender. Someone local so we could have a real relationship not 'let's pretend' online. A man who has humour - likes to laugh and doesn't take everything too seriously all the time. A man who cares about others and yet has that balance of not doing too much either. Everyone needs some space for themselves, it never works to give too much of yourself.

I'd like to meet a man who would go on road trips with me. I like finding and photographing old buildings and places. I like spending time in bookstores and then spending time in coffee shops reading the books I have. I really like a weekend getaway. Just drive somewhere and spend time... doing nothing much. I can make plans or have a general plan for the day with room for unexpected detours.

I'd like a man who could come to family dinners and work with me when we host the family for dinners and holidays. Not that I'm an event manager but I do like family and value those connections. Even when things aren't going smooth and I might be really annoyed with one or more of them.

I like science fiction and history. I like various types and styles of art and I like making things, sewing and crafts. I'm not especially religious, if I'm anything I'm Pagan, not an organized religion. I'm not an animal person, I'm allergic to them. I'm not a neat freak, it bugs me when someone is compulsive about putting every last thing away right down to the coffee maker. I don't want to move anywhere to meet someone, I've already done that once when I was about ten years younger.

Why is it so hard to meet a nice Big Handsome Man? I don't think I'm expecting too much but I don't want to ask for too little either.

It's great to 'be there' for a friend. But, what does it mean and how do you do it?

Some days you need a really, great friend. Some days you get to be a really, great friend.

Taking friendship is much easier than giving your friendship. You shouldn't expect anything in return, if you do, it's really not friendship. This is why it's so important to give appreciation and gratitude when you accept friendship.

Being a friend is not easy thing at times. No one can be a perfect friend. We make mistakes, we have our own selfish moments and moments of weakness. Forgive yourself and your friends when we make mistakes, those times we aren't the greatest of best friends. Then look ahead to the next day when we can try again, fix things, talk and make things work out better.

How to be a Great Friend

• Never lie to your friend. You can be kind while still being honest.
• Respect her opinions. Especially when it comes to dating, value that second opinion.
• Balance between listening and talking. Let friends talk about themselves, guilt free and without getting into a one one-upmanship contest.
• Work with each other's strong and weak points. Usually one friend is the leader and the other the follower. One is a planner and the other shows up late. Etc.
• Cultivate the friendship. Have your inside jokes, your shared past and the things you only do with just that friend.
• Don't offer advice too freely. It's often better to wait until asked, or to offer it carefully, just a bit at a time.
• Display some affection, reach out and touch a friend, literally.
• Don't think short term. Plan to keep the friendship going for the long haul.
• Don't be envious or jealous of a friend. Instead be happy for her and proud of her.