Originally posted to Sex Kitten.

Why do men expect/ want loyalty from sex workers?

I had heard of the idea at some point but it didn't catch my attention until last week. I was having a talk with Gracie (from Sex Kitten) about another site and problems with phone sex men. Gracie likes phone sex men. But, Gracie is a professional and liking them is something she chooses to do. It's also something she gets paid for.

What loyalty does a paid sex worker owe to a client?

How long should any loyalty last?

Should she only be loyal to the clients who pay extra for it?

Of course, there is the question of which man she should be loyal to first? What if the sex worker goes home and becomes a wife, friend with benefits or girlfriend and considers her loyalty to her clients null and void?

Does any of this occur to the men who hire sex workers, including phone sex and anyone else they pay for sexual favours?

To me it seems a self centred thing. But, worse it is likely to leave these men disillusioned.

In short, if you pay for sex you get what you pay for and not more than that. You don't pay by the minute and get a whole lot of loyalty.

Addendum: Read Gracie's reply to this post.

I've come to conclude that the adult baby fetish is not my thing. I do like age play, to a point. However, there is no way I want to change an adult diaper. I can't find anything sexy or appealing in that. An adult wetting or wearing a wet diaper is not a turn on for me.

Most of all, I think it would feel very lonely as the Domme in an adult baby relationship. Speaking for myself only but thinking of experience I have had where two people in a relationship don't have a balance, or have the same level for communication, interaction and intimacy. It gets lonely when you are the only adult in a relationship. Sure, it can be fun for an hour, or an afternoon. But, at some point I'd begin to feel isolated and wish I had an adult to be an adult with.

I don't understand the allure of being an infant. I admit I look after children but I prefer not to look after babies. They eat, sleep and need to be cleaned up. At least children can carry some sort of conversation, play a game, help wash dishes, and so on. A baby is nice, but even nicer to leave them nap while I go on and do more interesting things.

10 Strangest Adult Babies via Oddee.com

You've gotten through her screening process and she has set a time and place for you to meet her, face to face. Now what? How do you make a good first impression on a real Domme when you meet for the first time? I don't mean the type of Dominant woman you pay, the one who asks you what you want and tells you how much it will cost. No, I mean the Domme who is a real woman and wants more than a temporary job when she arranges to meet you.

• Dress appropriately:

You are most likely meeting in a public place. If you wear any fetish wear be very discreet and don't wave it around in public. Something small which you leave her to notice is much more effective than a blatant display.

Dress up too. Look your best and pay attention to grooming. Trim facial hair, clean your fingernails, etc.

• Show up and be on time or a bit early:

Don't be late! Too many times men do not show up or arrive late. If you are not ready to meet her (or only want to play pretend online) don't make the appointment in the first place. Be honest.

• Bring a little gift:

Nothing elaborate, you aren't paying for her favours. Keep it simple but this is a chance for you to show some cleverness, creativity, style and prove that you actually did pay attention to what she has told you about herself so far.

• Offer to buy the first coffee/ wine:

She may turn down the offer, but that doesn't excuse you from offering. Be a gentleman and remember your old fashioned manners.

• Make small talk:

Until she introduces the subject of BDSM or D/s you keep the conversation light. Consider this your first test, because it likely is one of the things she is watching for.

• When the subject of BDSM or sex comes up don't rush in:

Don't bring your grocery list of fetishes and kinky ideas to the table. Of course you want to know if she shares your interests, however chances are your list is more fantasy than fact. Talk to her about actual experience you have had versus stuff you want to try, think would be a big turn on, etc. Stick to the facts. If she asks what you want to try and have not done yet, keep it modest. Don't make yourself sound like a window shopper - keep it realistic.

• Watch your personal space:

Do not invade her personal space. Keep your arms, hands, coffee mugs, wine glass and etc to your own side of the table. Body language counts!

• Bring a business card if you have one:

Unless you are paying her (which this post is not about) you should be prepared to give her information about yourself. Proof that you are available, that she can contact you, that you trust her (and thus she can trust you too). If you do not have a business card make sure she has your correct phone number, email address or any other way of contacting you and then ask her to contact you.

• To hug or not to hug:

At the end of your time, if all has gone well, you might want some physical contact. Let her lead, however you can offer your hand or ask permission to give her a hug, etc.

Do not ask for sex! Asking for sex just proves you don't really have half a clue about male submission. If you want to serve her, your needs do not come first. Sex may not even be part of what she wants.

• After the first meeting send her a thank you note:

Thank her for meeting you, tell her you had a good time, enjoyed getting to know her, and so on. Don't ask for a second meeting - but you can tell her you hope to see her again soon. You can suggest a great place or local event for a second meeting, but leave it up to her to choose.

I'd add to Gracie's post (see below) and say the hormones for men and women are on opposing sides. For men sex is pretty simple, you're in and then your're done. For women sex isn't simple. Getting pregnant is just one thing.

Although I think it is changing for younger people, those just coming out of high school, women have been taught/ brain washed to dislike our bodies and think we should not have sex. That's a combination that doesn't work out so well for men who want simple, easy sex.

A typical woman does not go a day without seeing standards of female beauty, vitality and sexuality plastered all over her world. This does not make the typical woman feel desirable. No wonder she doesn't feel like having sex any and every time he asks. How many men could go through a day of being shown how inadequate they are and then perform upon request?

Also, being asked for sex in a "pass the salt" way is not romantic. Not that every sexual encounter should or must be romantic, but... It shouldn't be as commonplace as going to the bathroom either.

Could men put some effort into getting sex? Beyond just asking and expecting sex, could men make it seem like they care versus just taking care of a bodily function? If men need more sex then do what women have done since the dawn of time: masturbate. The orgasms are much better, fantasies are great, and there's less mess to clean up. What do men think all those rejected women do when they get home, alone?

Dudes, your hormones (primarily, anyway) cycle every 24 hours; that, and not your love for us, is why you get a woody every morning. On the other hand, our cycle of hormones is a bit more complicated and lengthy than that; the result is that we are on far less of a “daily horny schedule” than men. And that’s before we get into realities like the processes of pregnancy and menopause. We don’t just age and change to disrupt your fantasies and desires; we ride the wild wave of our biology because that’s fucking life. Literally.

In a civilized culture, where humanity & good citizenry is defined largely by our ability to override our animal nature, hormones still have their way with us. Even amidst our culture wars and culture lag, they play their role. But, romance aside, if culture is to override such base things as biology, then something desperately needs to be done in terms of equality and the messages being sent to and about women.

Source: Hetero Men Complain About Sexual Rejection From Women. Really? | Sex~Kitten.net

Looking for a way to make some extra money and think you could take on being a paid Domme? Let's call it a Dominatrix. That usually seems more like the professional name for someone in the business of providing adult services.

How to Look Like a Dominatrix

There is an expected fashion when you get paid to act the role of Dominatrix.

• Leather, latex or something designer the colour is most often black and the clothes are tight fitting. Corsets are in fashion.
• Heels, high heels whether on thigh-high boots or shoes with spike heels, the Dominatrix does not wear comfortable shoes.
• Accessorize with garter belts, fishnet stockings, a studded collar, long elbow length gloves.
• Hairstyles are likely pulled back from your face, out of the way and looking strict and severe.
• Carry the tools of the trade, even if you don't actually use them. A whip, chains and such make good extras.

How to Act Like a Dominatrix

Be aware of your presentation, how you stand, move and speak. Body language and posture can work in your favour. How you speak and what you say are also important. Be self aware. Study yourself in a mirror to see which poses and facial expressions work best for you.

Act confident and in charge. You aren't actually in charge because you are playing a role for him. But, you need to give him the feeling that you are in charge and he is not. Confidence is easier to fake when you stand tall have a plan and a road map to follow.

The plan is important. You do not want to find yourself with a client expecting an hour spent serving you but you run out of things to do with him in the first ten minutes. Plan for more activities than you will need. You are also responsible for keeping him (and yourself) safe from harm. You need to know what you are doing. If he wants a fetish or kink you don't know enough about be honest rather than taking things from pain pleasure to just plain pain. A safe word is not enough. You're a professional, paid to know what you are doing, or at least make sure your client does not get more than he asked for.

Know your client's needs and expectations before you begin. Also, know what you will need, tools and experience, to perform for the client. Know how far to go and what a real stop is versus a stop that is just his part of the game. Clients may want to beg you to stop but have you continue on as if you really were teasing, tormenting or torturing for your own amusement.

A Dominatrix does not have sex with her clients. Sex is not part of the performance/ service.

Learn the skills you need. Know how to use a whip before you pull one out and flick it around in the presence of a client. Know how to spank using anything from a hairbrush to your own hand. You are the professional and expected to have the knowledge to perform.

Pay attention to the stereotypes because you will be performing to the standards of your client and he (or she) has very likely built up a scenario based entirely on the stereotypical Dominatrix, kinks and fetishes.