You've gotten through her screening process and she has set a time and place for you to meet her, face to face. Now what? How do you make a good first impression on a real Domme when you meet for the first time? I don't mean the type of Dominant woman you pay, the one who asks you what you want and tells you how much it will cost. No, I mean the Domme who is a real woman and wants more than a temporary job when she arranges to meet you.

• Dress appropriately:

You are most likely meeting in a public place. If you wear any fetish wear be very discreet and don't wave it around in public. Something small which you leave her to notice is much more effective than a blatant display.

Dress up too. Look your best and pay attention to grooming. Trim facial hair, clean your fingernails, etc.

• Show up and be on time or a bit early:

Don't be late! Too many times men do not show up or arrive late. If you are not ready to meet her (or only want to play pretend online) don't make the appointment in the first place. Be honest.

• Bring a little gift:

Nothing elaborate, you aren't paying for her favours. Keep it simple but this is a chance for you to show some cleverness, creativity, style and prove that you actually did pay attention to what she has told you about herself so far.

• Offer to buy the first coffee/ wine:

She may turn down the offer, but that doesn't excuse you from offering. Be a gentleman and remember your old fashioned manners.

• Make small talk:

Until she introduces the subject of BDSM or D/s you keep the conversation light. Consider this your first test, because it likely is one of the things she is watching for.

• When the subject of BDSM or sex comes up don't rush in:

Don't bring your grocery list of fetishes and kinky ideas to the table. Of course you want to know if she shares your interests, however chances are your list is more fantasy than fact. Talk to her about actual experience you have had versus stuff you want to try, think would be a big turn on, etc. Stick to the facts. If she asks what you want to try and have not done yet, keep it modest. Don't make yourself sound like a window shopper - keep it realistic.

• Watch your personal space:

Do not invade her personal space. Keep your arms, hands, coffee mugs, wine glass and etc to your own side of the table. Body language counts!

• Bring a business card if you have one:

Unless you are paying her (which this post is not about) you should be prepared to give her information about yourself. Proof that you are available, that she can contact you, that you trust her (and thus she can trust you too). If you do not have a business card make sure she has your correct phone number, email address or any other way of contacting you and then ask her to contact you.

• To hug or not to hug:

At the end of your time, if all has gone well, you might want some physical contact. Let her lead, however you can offer your hand or ask permission to give her a hug, etc.

Do not ask for sex! Asking for sex just proves you don't really have half a clue about male submission. If you want to serve her, your needs do not come first. Sex may not even be part of what she wants.

• After the first meeting send her a thank you note:

Thank her for meeting you, tell her you had a good time, enjoyed getting to know her, and so on. Don't ask for a second meeting - but you can tell her you hope to see her again soon. You can suggest a great place or local event for a second meeting, but leave it up to her to choose.

I'd add to Gracie's post (see below) and say the hormones for men and women are on opposing sides. For men sex is pretty simple, you're in and then your're done. For women sex isn't simple. Getting pregnant is just one thing.

Although I think it is changing for younger people, those just coming out of high school, women have been taught/ brain washed to dislike our bodies and think we should not have sex. That's a combination that doesn't work out so well for men who want simple, easy sex.

A typical woman does not go a day without seeing standards of female beauty, vitality and sexuality plastered all over her world. This does not make the typical woman feel desirable. No wonder she doesn't feel like having sex any and every time he asks. How many men could go through a day of being shown how inadequate they are and then perform upon request?

Also, being asked for sex in a "pass the salt" way is not romantic. Not that every sexual encounter should or must be romantic, but... It shouldn't be as commonplace as going to the bathroom either.

Could men put some effort into getting sex? Beyond just asking and expecting sex, could men make it seem like they care versus just taking care of a bodily function? If men need more sex then do what women have done since the dawn of time: masturbate. The orgasms are much better, fantasies are great, and there's less mess to clean up. What do men think all those rejected women do when they get home, alone?

Dudes, your hormones (primarily, anyway) cycle every 24 hours; that, and not your love for us, is why you get a woody every morning. On the other hand, our cycle of hormones is a bit more complicated and lengthy than that; the result is that we are on far less of a “daily horny schedule” than men. And that’s before we get into realities like the processes of pregnancy and menopause. We don’t just age and change to disrupt your fantasies and desires; we ride the wild wave of our biology because that’s fucking life. Literally.

In a civilized culture, where humanity & good citizenry is defined largely by our ability to override our animal nature, hormones still have their way with us. Even amidst our culture wars and culture lag, they play their role. But, romance aside, if culture is to override such base things as biology, then something desperately needs to be done in terms of equality and the messages being sent to and about women.

Source: Hetero Men Complain About Sexual Rejection From Women. Really? | Sex~Kitten.net

Looking for a way to make some extra money and think you could take on being a paid Domme? Let's call it a Dominatrix. That usually seems more like the professional name for someone in the business of providing adult services.

How to Look Like a Dominatrix

There is an expected fashion when you get paid to act the role of Dominatrix.

• Leather, latex or something designer the colour is most often black and the clothes are tight fitting. Corsets are in fashion.
• Heels, high heels whether on thigh-high boots or shoes with spike heels, the Dominatrix does not wear comfortable shoes.
• Accessorize with garter belts, fishnet stockings, a studded collar, long elbow length gloves.
• Hairstyles are likely pulled back from your face, out of the way and looking strict and severe.
• Carry the tools of the trade, even if you don't actually use them. A whip, chains and such make good extras.

How to Act Like a Dominatrix

Be aware of your presentation, how you stand, move and speak. Body language and posture can work in your favour. How you speak and what you say are also important. Be self aware. Study yourself in a mirror to see which poses and facial expressions work best for you.

Act confident and in charge. You aren't actually in charge because you are playing a role for him. But, you need to give him the feeling that you are in charge and he is not. Confidence is easier to fake when you stand tall have a plan and a road map to follow.

The plan is important. You do not want to find yourself with a client expecting an hour spent serving you but you run out of things to do with him in the first ten minutes. Plan for more activities than you will need. You are also responsible for keeping him (and yourself) safe from harm. You need to know what you are doing. If he wants a fetish or kink you don't know enough about be honest rather than taking things from pain pleasure to just plain pain. A safe word is not enough. You're a professional, paid to know what you are doing, or at least make sure your client does not get more than he asked for.

Know your client's needs and expectations before you begin. Also, know what you will need, tools and experience, to perform for the client. Know how far to go and what a real stop is versus a stop that is just his part of the game. Clients may want to beg you to stop but have you continue on as if you really were teasing, tormenting or torturing for your own amusement.

A Dominatrix does not have sex with her clients. Sex is not part of the performance/ service.

Learn the skills you need. Know how to use a whip before you pull one out and flick it around in the presence of a client. Know how to spank using anything from a hairbrush to your own hand. You are the professional and expected to have the knowledge to perform.

Pay attention to the stereotypes because you will be performing to the standards of your client and he (or she) has very likely built up a scenario based entirely on the stereotypical Dominatrix, kinks and fetishes.

This is pretty old, but I think someone is still maintaining it, updating it to be unisex since I found it years ago. It was all plain text then, now you can do it online. If you have time and enough interest to finish it. This is an edition from 1992, but there could be other updates if you wanted to look for them.

The 1500 Point Purity Test

If you thought the millenial purity test was bad, well you ain't seen nuttin' yet!

This is the 1500 point Purity Test!

We felt that the 1000 point version lost a lot of the "fun" of the earlier versions, so we re-wrote it, adding a few new sections, and a shitload of questions. This test is guaranteed to be nosier than your parents, more invasive than the census, and containing something to offend everybody.

Enjoy (and I know you will).

Public domain; no copyright. All rights wronged, all wrongs reversed. Up with going down. The risen flesh commands: let there be love. Murphy's law on sex: Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

This document was not sponsored by the Department of Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, and was not monitored by the Air Force Avionics Laboratory. The views and conclusions contained in this document should not be interpreted as representing the official policies, either expressed or implied, of the Defense Advanced Projects Agency or the US Government. Neither should it be interpreted nor inferred that the authors/contributors have actually performed any of the actions contained herein.

Instructions for Use: This is a fairly long test consisting of 1500 questions. It starts out tame and gets progressively worse (or better, depending on your viewpoint). There are many ways of going about taking this test. You can, of course, as your right, guaranteed by the Constitution, be anti-social and sequester yourself in your room and take this test all by yourself; however, we feel that the most fun way to utilize this test is to hold a Purity Test Party. All you need is one copy of the test, and a bunch of friends. (Lots of writing implements and paper would be useful too.) The person with the copy of the test is the test administrator; s/he reads the questions out loud and everybody else writes down their answers. We have no definite rules as to whether the participants are required to divulge their answers; that is up to the group to decide. However, being open with your answers leads to some great conversations. But no matter what you decide, each person's purity score should be made common knowledge. (The person with the highest score gets to be giggled at for the rest of his/her life.) This works great at parties and lets everybody know who's easy and who isn't, so you'll know who to go home with. Don't leave home without it.

On the whole, this is biased for experience and, hence, age. If you're still too young to qualify, well, these things take time. Chaste makes waste. Virginity can be cured. Remember: the conjugation is "I am erotic, You are kinky, They are perverts"

All questions in this test pertain to events that have happened to you subsequent to your weaning and babyhood/infancy. Anything that may have happened before that time is considered not standing and void.

Definitions: (for the innocent, naive, or too busy) Necking: the kissing or stroking of a persons head or neck, the stroking of arms hands or back. Petting: the above plus the caressing or fondling of other portions of anatomy; through or underneath clothing. Sexual activity: all of the above, plus what your puerile imagination dreams up. Doesn't necessarily mean penetration (but it can). Posslq: "person of the opposite sex sharing living quarters." Bureaucrat for live-in lover. Masturbation: the rubbing/feeling of your genitals. Doesn't need to be to orgasm. Can be through clothing. Mutual Masturbation: You masturbating your partner and/or you being masturbated. Not necessarily both at the same time. We would now like to bring to your attention that there is no passing nor failing score. Therefore, one really shouldn't worry too much about getting a high score...even if you do get giggled at for the rest of your life.

--- ALL TECHNICALITIES COUNT --- And, most of all, this is entertainment. Have as much fun in the taking as was had in the making.

Note to the test administrator:

Even though we tried to prevent it, this test can get monotonous. Try to "liven" it up by adding comments and goofiness wherever you want to. Encourage testees to be open with their answers. Taking a break is allowed, but not recommended. Plan on a few hours. Order some pizza. Get a keg. Have a party.

Perverts Anonymous Qualification Exam Version 6.6b 02:36.42am August 17, 1992 primary writer: Steamed Rhubarb Fondue (J. A. Pfaff) contributing writers: Wolvorine (Owen Kuhn), Astra (JAN!), and friends and family of The Erotic Nightmare Revue Toledo, Ohio, USA

I don't think people need a lot of the extreme sort of fetishes. What it all comes down to is him being at the mercy of my whim, desire, or mood. All a Domme really needs to do is put him at risk in some way and keep him wondering. I have so many scenarios in my mind for play in public, in private, with gadgets or without, using language or total silence, etc. There is so much that can be done with the simplest and most ordinary things. Just sit him in a chair, blindfolded. Whisper about what you might be doing. No way for him to know if I'm doing anything more than checking my email or not...

Men who can't let go and insist on having a huge list of fetishes and then giving directions and instructions spoil the whole thing. They make it bland and predictable. As the Domme it becomes a role you play, like reading a script. After awhile you're really just waiting for him to be done so you can go off and check email or something more interesting.