Originally posted to Adult BackWash, my weekly column was Bait and Switch: Saturday June 29, 2002

I have limited experience with condoms. Partly because I don't have a penis, partly because we were never successful at using them and partly because safe sex has never been a problem for me.

I did order a condom from a website, I forget which condom maker it was now. They sent a large sized condom and I had a look at it, in the package. My husband decided I shouldn't actually open the package since he wouldn't be able to use it then. I wish I had secretly opened it and had a look. He always seemed a bit too old fashioned about that stuff. Why shouldn't I have a look at something he expects me to insert into my vagina.

We never did get much use of the condoms we tried. I really do think he was using the wrong size. Why else would they always slip off so easily? But, that isn't something easy to tell a guy who is already self conscious and not all that interested in real sex anyways. I'm at the point where being masturbated by my lover is a turn off now.

But, I am single again and I expect safe sex will become something I need to know more about. Not that I'm clueless. You would have to be living as a hermit not to have absorbed some information about safe sex these days. But, I don't know how to use a condom, what kind of condom works best, is spermicide non-allergenic, etc.

Women have been the ones expected to provide or take responsibility for birth control for way too long. At least all the safe sex is making men take their cock in hand and do something about it too. But, that doesn't mean women are ok to just lie back and leave it to them. Whatever your pleasure, use his tool the right way.

Ladies don't write porn, we write erotica. Ladies probably don't have fantasies about seducing, controlling and tormenting men. Ladies don't have a lot of fun, but we knew that already.

I feel odd about writing the Adult column at BackWash. I'm a nice girl, I've always been a good girl. No fooling around, no drugs, drinking or sex. Other than the that found wallet thing I was a good girl other goodie girls could look up to in admiration. That didn't seem a bad thing either. People liked me cause I was a good girl. I'm not sure I want to know what they will think if they know I secretly write erotica (now and then) and even worse! I maintain an adult column about BDSM and SEX! I shudder to think.

Do nice/ good girls (women we would hope) like erotica? Are we allowed?

I never did write about the auction. It took two nights and at some points wasn't very interesting. Mainly this was because so many people didn't show up to be auctioned and others didn't show up to bid on them. Auction by proxy isn't fun to watch. I bought 4 men altogether, but I only kept three. One I traded for one of the others. The one I traded for seemed interesting but when I started talking to him a bit I was less sure. In the end men on IRC are really all the same. I think typing does something to their brain cells. You could probably make some version of that joke about men thinking with one head or the other, but never both.

Anyway, I did buy 3 men and at some point I will spend an hour amusing myself with them, in theory. In reality I will have to find some way to entertain them. I might just skip it since I have zero interest in cyber or virtual sex, same for phone sex, trading pics or any of the other stuff that it's popular to do. I would like to meet someone to begin a relationship with but I know that is highly unlikely on IRC or any kind of Internet chat. If you can't meet them face to face you really don't know who they are. The Internet works well as a way to find them and get a preview but I'm not even sure about that any more. People put on a face online, they may think they are more themselves, less intimidated, but it seems to me they are putting on a show and the real person could be someone else, completely different.

The whole pic trading thing does bug me. Men (probably women too but I don't encounter them in the same way) collect pictures as a way of putting notches in their bedposts. They don't care who you are, what you think or feel. Before they even know your name they are asking for your pic. Why? Because they only have 1043 and really hope to hit 2000 by the end of the month. Just as men used to collect phone numbers in a little black book. Cyber man collects image files. I actually do have a picture of myself scanned but I almost never give it out and when asked for it I tell them I don't have one.

I can't believe it's already this close to noon. No wonder I'm getting hungry, I skipped breakfast. At least I did have a shower this morning. I have one thing accomplished for the day. I have so much packing to do and I'm being very bad about procrastinating with it. I think I just hate moving and not really knowing where I am going to or if I'm going to anything at all. What 37 year old woman wants to move back to her parent's house, even if it is just a couple of weeks.

Before I get into another tail spin about why do I always fail at everything I'm going to make soup and get offline to phone my brother for his birthday today.

On the list today: updating HerCorner (for the whole month if I possibly can) updating Sandcastles and Dreamcatchers at Kids BackWash, packing, packing, packing, packing and more packing.

On the menu today: Campbell's Split Pea Soup, the last of the roasted peanuts and coffee starting off hot but usually drunk when cold.

On my mind today: words I like. I'm thinking to make a whole webpage up of words like serendipity, bewitch, beguile, bewilder, etc. Then there are things I like or am getting into like: typography, cartography, Paint Shop Pro, CSS, Lotus Notes, crazy quilting, walking as an exercise, yet more gardening and growing of plant life, old traditions and cultures, Paganism and city building games, nature, arts and crafts and etc. This list could go on all day but, I have a whole list of things to do.

For the Saturday Night (and Sunday) Slave Auction - Originally posted to Adult BackWash.

Auction Page: http://www.cuffs.com/submission/auction.html Chatroom: http://www.cuffs.com/submission/local.html

I have a guest column.

Guest column by astraea.

eBay misses a niche. There is good news about a slave auction.

Good news only because they no longer exist? Well, no. And no. They do exist, and they can actually be fun, stimulating, and not at all soul-destroying.

Let me clarify, in case it seems I've wandered very, very far from PC territory. Buying and selling people is generally a very bad thing indeed. Slavery is abhorrent to most civilized societies, and even some that aren't so civilized. We like that about civilization.

But in the bright-yet-shadowy world of BDSM, auctions of submissives (and sometimes Dominants) thrive, both online and in entirely corporeal environments. A BDSM slave auction is voluntary, and unless someone has a particularly unusual fetish, no one is going to end up spending their days in the cotton fields, although there may be shackles involved.

For BDSM IRC channels, auctions tend to be about simply having fun. The auction currency is usually earned by making contributions to the channel in a variety of ways, from scening in public to creating content for a website or discussion forum, to playing a Truth or Dare game.

A good example of how an online auction works takes place this weekend. Over two evenings some 45 Dom/mes and submissives will make their way to the virtual auction block in the EFNet irc channel #submission. After each auction "lot" makes a brief statement about her/himself, there will be bidding every bit as fierce as those last-second clickfests at eBay - or perhaps more like the flurry of paddle-waving you might expect at Sotheby's.

The auction process is completed when the buyers and sellers decide when and how they will spend the time that has been purchased, and that can also be entertaining to experience, or to watch.

For your introduction to a world of auctions that's more about vintage kink than vintage kitsch, check the #submission auction information at www.cuffs.com/submission/auction.html - from there you can also join the auction in progress using their java-based chat.

Don't cast off those chains! Pick up your whips and paddles, ropes and chains, and see how they can be put to good use this Saturday and Sunday at an online BDSM auction.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash, when I wrote a weekly column called Bait and Switch: Tuesday June 04, 2002

Most people focus on what they need and not what they can give. To me, that is the secret of male submission. Or at least what makes a real male submissive versus someone who just has a lot of fetishes and likes being ordered around. I've felt a kind of revulsion to the male subs who want to lick shoes, have a woman sit on their faces and assorted other fetishy things. What does that give to the Domme, slobber on her shoes and an uncomfortable seating position.

Today it occurred to me that at the root of all my feelings about what makes a good male submissive is one who knows what he can give, not what he wants or needs to take. Or at least one who understands that there is a difference. After all, Dommes are women, not blow up dolls.

In IRC chat I have had so many men approach me and start telling me what they want or need. It's really rare that one just talks and tells me about himself, real conversation about who he is and what might interest me about him. I don't mean I want a long list of how he will suck each of my toes, my clit and anything else he thinks he would enjoy doing for me.

That is the key, he would enjoy doing those things. What do I really get out of that? I'm probably not in the mood to even listen to some strange man babble on and on about pleasing me. Actually, I'm just contrary enough that anything he suggests will strike me as something I don't want any part of.

What I would really like is a sub male who is genuinely interested in getting to know me, as a person. Then, I'd like to know why he feels submissive, what he gets out of being a submissive (and I don't mean sex, cumming and all that boring stuff). Emotionally, what does it do for him and why? I want to know what he does when he wakes up and gets dressed each day. Does he like his career, how tall is he, does he laugh at life, is he grumpy in the morning, is he a smoker, does he have a hobby/ collection/ family/ pets? These are the things I really want to know. I don't give a rat's ass about seeing a picture of his face (or his cock!) at that point.

Also, I don't want to answer 20 questions about myself without getting any input about the man asking all the questions. I'm not stupid, I know when you are asking me about my measurements, bra size and how often I masturbate you aren't interested in me, just in jerking off yourself. If I get anything out of the exchange it's knowing I left you wanting more.

This is turning into my own private personals ad. But, if there is a male sub out there, about my age (30's) you can email me through BackWash. If you're interesting to me and interested in me, we could meet for coffee. You're buying, you're the giving one remember?

(Note - This post is outdated as I am no longer in my 30's and I am considering a male who seems to suit me).