Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday April 01, 2003  

I posted to an email list for a local BDSM group. They are having a munch in a few days and I thought I would introduce myself and let them know I was thinking to attend. That might sound arrogant, but I'm a bit shy of meeting a group of people in a downtown bar. I'm not the bar type, wallflowers generally go to events where people aren't "getting wasted" or giving up their inhibitions and self control. We actually like polite gatherings like tea parties, church bazaars and garden shows.

Anyway, I had three emails in reply, off the list. One (the first I read) was great, a very nice welcome to the list and encouragement to attend and not feel out of place. I appreciated that one. It was, first of all, kind and second of all respectful of me as a person.

The other two emails made me feel under attack. How could someone, a grown up, send a list of his sexual demands and preferences to a perfect stranger, unasked? No introduction, or any kind of greeting/ salutation, just right to the gritty stuff. It was impersonal form mail with typos and grammar mistakes. It was rude or at the very least extremely impolite. I did not ask for any kind of onslaught but I certainly got it.

I was angry and a little upset. It was certainly disconcerting to be shown into some strange man's bedroom without ever seeing the front door. Do they think every female is a hooker or just treat them all that way? At the scent of a woman they pounced, eagerly listing all their desires, demands and what they expect in a woman.

Well, I didn't ask!!! What's more, I don't even want to know. I don't want to know how much you like bondage, sex toys, what your limits are and how eager you are to be Dommed. Before you tell me all your sexual needs how about telling me who the F**K you are!!!

More than that... how about having some interest in who I am. Obviously they can have no real interest in me. They asked nothing about who I am, what I like, what I do, etc. Obviously, they don't care if I sometimes feel vulnerable and find it hard to trust people. Obviously, I don't matter as I'm only something they can use to masturbate with.

Anyway, I definitely feel rattled by the attack emails. I don't know if I will go to the munch. I don't want the live version of attack emails. Can you imagine walking into a room, feeling nervous, unsure and suddenly having two men stick their cocks in your face? Don't laugh, that's how it feels.

PS- For those who read these columns expecting stroke fodder, piss off. There is a lot more to life and people.

PPS - Yes, I'm angry. Bite me.

I tried, I really did. I tried not to be the angry columnist at Adult BW. I thought about giving men a break. But, it didn't last long. Just three emails did it all in. You can read the details in my column.

But, the question remains: are there any men who are more than the sum of one of their parts? Even the few I think of as human (as opposed to dickheads) could have been less than human in the past. Does that negate what they are now? I have to vote no on that. Mainly due to the whole running out of options thing. After all, there are only 2 sexes.

I was just going to ask why so many men treat women like sluts, something along the lines of a convenient sex toy. But, inspiration strucketh me. They do it because that is what they know.

Once, in a web chat one of the women asked the men in the group how it felt when they had an orgasm. None of them really had an answer. But, from the discussion, as it went on, I gathered that they don't have an orgasm the way women think of it. For them it seems to be more like a tap being surged to full speed and then shut off. That simple and that small.

For women (in case you don't know) an orgasm can start at your toes and rebound up to your hair roots before it explodes at the pussy level. I don't think men have anything like that. For them it seems to be a physical release, mechanical and then done until the next time. So why do they even bother, a sensible woman might ask. Me too. But, since they don't know what they are missing they have nothing to compare it to. Their orgasm seems just great, to them.

No wonder most erotica written by men offers nothing more than stroke fodder. They just have no idea how great sex can really be.

I've never found a vibrator that I like. They aren't comfortable. You might be thinking vibrators aren't exactly bought for comfort. But, in a way they are. You want one that feels good. Mine never do.

Plus, they tend to disappear when I move. I don't know where the last one I bought went to. I had it in a box packed with various other things. I can only think someone poked through my things and took it. I doubt anyone would steal some else's vibrator so likely it was someone deciding I shouldn't have one. People are just too damn nosy and self righteous.

But, I don't especially care. As I said, I've never really become attached to them. The one my husband bought for the honeymoon was the same as all the rest. We only used it once. When we divorced I left all the toys with him. The only ones I ever really used were the ben wa ball type things. Of course, they were meant to be used anally but I found them much more fun as a pussy toy.

Anyway, I'm getting into the range of typing more than I really want anyone to know. Eventually I'll find another lover (one who actually enjoys sex) and then where will you all be? Probably reading about how he farted in bed! LOL

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Tuesday March 18, 2003  

Mistress Sarah, my co-moderator in the BDSM community, wrote about what she wants in a man. We don't want the same things. What does it say about a woman, to see what she wants in a man?

I want a man who will pick me up from work and tell me he has arranged a motel room for the night. We share the shower and then the bed. Later a pizza or Chinese take out.

I want a man who will notice when I flash him, even when he's busy with something else.

I want a man who will take his time shaving each morning, knowing how much I like watching him doing 'manly' things.

I want a man who likes a saucy wench and gives my bottom a smack.

I want a man who will wrestle with me but knows it can be just as much fun when he loses.

I want a man who knows I'm a lady but loves it when I treat him like a whore.

I want a man who loves my breasts but doesn't stop there - belly, thighs, back, bottom and all those other places I love to be touched, caressed, sucked and kneaded.

I want a man who will come fresh from the shower, lie on the bed and dare me to do my worst. I want to laugh and come up with new ways to out do whatever I did last time.

I want to fall asleep beside him, wake up in the middle of the night and tie him to the bed. I'd spend the night tormenting him, taking advantage of him and laughing with him about it all.

I want a man who will dare me to take off my panties in the restaurant, under the table and put them in his pocket.

I want a man who likes to make love outside, not for the risk of being caught but for the primitiveness of it.

I want a man who hears me run the shower and comes in to watch and scrub my back. I'd give him something to watch.

I want a man who can play the 'Daddy' games without just sounding like a dirty old man or some idiot with an erection.

I want to try a rape fantasy and kidnapping, with a man I trust and know well enough to enjoy those with. I want to do the same to him.

I've been considering attending one of those BDSM munches in my area. But, I don't have high hopes for meeting anyone. Part of the problem is that I want more than a dirty old man. I'd like someone who looks for more than relief for his blue ball problem when he meets women.

If I go to the munch I'll let you know.

What are some of the more daring things you would like to do to your lover?

Tonight I added a link to a web store that sells extreme restraints, including straight jackets. Most of the jackets are leather and look too polished and expensive to be taken seriously. I like the old fashioned one, the plain white institutional looking one. How would it be for him to wake up in that one morning? Would he be angry, turned on or think you've completely lost it?

It would be interesting. But, there are other things to explore. Beyond the rape fantasy so many women consider there is so much out there. It's intimidating until you remember he is just another human being, not slut maestro 2003. Just some guy who happens to like you and hopes to 'get some'.

If you are comfortable with him why not try something you've always wanted to try? Should you tell him first? I guess that would depend on the danger to him from whatever you want to do. I'd say forewarned is a good thing if he might become injured but the element of surprise can be priceless. For both of you.

Anyway, what would you really do with him if you had complete freedom to do anything? Don't consider his feelings, weaknesses, or your own uncertainties. Just set your inhibitions free and go wild. Write about it and email it to him. Dare you!