Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday March 20, 2004  

I review sex blogs, journals and resources for sex blogs and journals. You might think that was a lot of fun, pretty stimulating too. Mostly it's on the dull side.

Sites are all too often hard to navigate, full of links to paying sites and no content of their own or they just don't interest me. I will list most of the sites that fall into the realm of bloggishness. Not the spammy ones or those not updated more than every now and then when they get a round tuit. If you wouldn't read it why should it be listed? That's my theory anyway.

Today there were 3 sites submitted to the adult journals category. Of the three one was last updated August, 2003. An obvious spam for a phone sex service. Deleted, with a note added in case it is re-submitted. Saves me some time and clicking.

The other two were worthy of consideration. One was a blog service type of thing. Not really all that interesting but I listed it anyway. It did seem to be getting updated and for someone browsing the web it would be useful. The other site was an actual sex blog, with a journal and everything. I listed it and skimmed along myself. I did not get turned on. But, did check out her links before leaving. From there I found one other good site and listed that too.

So, now you know. All the perks of being a sex blog reviewer. One nice plus is finding links to add to BackWash. What? You thought I just found them all by my sweet little self? No, I think most of them come from browsing one site to the next. You never know where you will end up. Of course, another interesting way to find links is to randomly type something in to a search and see what oddities come along. Usually I can find at least one unusual and interesting site that way.

Not a very interesting journal this time. I'm just not feeling up to it. But, I thought you might be missing me. We dragons do have our egos.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Friday February 27, 2004  

Originally, I wrote this for someone who wanted ideas for getting started into BDSM. Mainly bondage as most people getting started aren't really looking for the SM type of things. It's a bit much to rush into something really hard core and you can't go back and undo anything you regret later. So, my best advice is to take it slow. I wrote this to a guy, but it works for either partner, man or woman. Start discussing your thoughts and desires. Tell your partner why you want to do these things before you just suggest doing them. Why does the idea of bondage, spanking or some other fetish turn you on? If you're lucky your lust will rub off on them. If not, you can try a moderated, more tame version if possible.

Get close physically at least once before you try anything BDSMish. Have some idea of what each of you are like sexually before you bring in that whole element. Use a 'safe word' and mean it. Don't make a game out of it or use it to tease, etc. If the word is used it means someone is in panic mode and everything has to stop right then. Mostly talk and talk and talk about fantasies, things that scare or concern each of you. Don't rush into some sub/ Dom thing. That should be an extra element not your focus. Just go slow and enjoy the ride.

Try bondage without bondage. Like, instead of tying her or yourself with rope have her hold onto the back of a chair or the sides of the bed. That way there is an escape open if one of you gets worried or needs a break to regroup.

When you feel ready, you can use real rope but don't actually knot it. Leave it untied. Try handcuffs but don't lock them and make sure you have a key where it won't get lost in the sheets, the rug, whatever. Try timed bondage too. Freeze the key in an ice cube and run the cube over her body. When the cube finally melts she is set free.

Try a light spank as a surprise. Just one and see how it goes. If you're both into it make it a bit harder or go for three light ones. Think of different positions too. Over the knee is one option, how about having her bend over the bed, or by the side of your desk, try new ideas. Just use your hand. That way you will both feel it. You need to have some idea of how hard you are spanking. Using an inanimate object leaves you guessing. You can't rely on guessing when you could be hurting her and making the whole experience negative rather than fun and something she's likely to want to do again.

Talk about what you want to do as you're doing it. That is so sexy. To hear someone take charge and tell you what they're going to do and how you are theirs to do it with. Do it with feeling though. The Dom is doing it to show love not to show he/ she is boss. Have a nickname just for your BDSM play, little one, minx, etc. Then when she hears it she will know you're in THAT mode and it will put her into THAT mode too.

You don't need toys and gear, most of it is brain work. Feelings and how you touch and not touch sometimes. Withholding a touch is a good way to build suspense. Bring in a new element and just let it be seen. Don't even use it. For instance place a pair of handcuffs on the bedside table and hang the key on a string around your neck. Use sound effects too. There is something kind of sexy about the sound of a whip, for me. But I'd never want to be whipped or have some amateur with no clue attempt to play with one around me. Still, the sound could be recorded and played back at key moments.

It's all about exploring and trying things to arouse and tempt your partner. Go for it, but play nice and don't be a jerk. Men might find they like being submissive even though they think they have to be a Dom. Try switching. Women might find it a real turn on to suddenly be the one in charge. Make him do things your way and at your pace. Go for it.

We were having a discussion about censoring adult content versus restricted/ adult content. I came up with this, one of my more brilliant moments.

"A breast is just a breast until someone sucks it. It all depends on who's doing the sucking: adult or child."

Originally posted to Wallflower Writes at Indecent Blogging.com

Comment

Oh -- good point! Exactly! And it is interesting to point out that those that get it backwards about what is beautiful and what is gratuitous are also the folks most interested in restricting through legislation than trying to educate people about the difference.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Saturday January 31, 2004

"You are a Creative Lover - You aren't obsessed with excitement but enjoy trying new things. You understand that a healthy sex life needs to include some variety, and are secure enough to allow yourself to delve into the unfamiliar. Even when some practices are beyond your realm, you aren't scared or disgusted by those things that others consider pleasurable. Continue to explore your boundaries, and take pleasure in the knowledge that you have achieved a healthy balance in the bedroom -- something that your lover probably takes pleasure in as well! "

The above came from one of those quiz things - "Are you a Boring Lover?" which I found through LonelyHousewife's journal on BackWash.

Why do they assume men are good lovers, or eager lovers? If you read the results of the quiz you get the idea that my lover is a randy stud muffin. Well, he doesn't even exist at the moment. But, aside from that, my past lover was no randy stud muffin. He wasn't all that keen on sex and didn't really want to try new things.

So why do we let them talk to us like that? As if all the inhibitions are on our side. It's not women who are trembling flowers in the bedroom, not in every case. So give us a break!

How can we feel natural about enjoying sex if we keep getting pushed into thinking we should be inhibited and wait for the man to start things. If we waited for him to start things over population would not even be an issue. At least that's what I've found. Your situation may be different. But, I haven't found that many men who really are randy stud muffins. Many of them will do all the talk, keep the porn collections they seem to think they must have but few are really all that sexual when it comes to the reality.

Does he talk about how much he likes to cuddle, spoon in bed and etc. Yes, that's nice. But, that's for after the sex, not the whole show. Sure, some cuddling foreplay might be ok. But, really, before the show starts wouldn't you rather be doing something a bit more energetic and interesting? Maybe you like a little intermission to make it last longer. I wouldn't go into cuddle mode then either.

Anyway, that's my thing about men being sexual animals full of lust. They aren't. If you really want a guaranteed sex maniac try the zoo... or maybe not. They might arrest you for some of those kinkier things. Anyway, have fun and allow yourself to like sex. So what if he's a wet blanket. You've always got your orgasm under fingertip control.

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Wednesday January 21, 2004  

Apparently I'm a good kisser. This is something I've wondered about. But, I have it on the authority of John, that I am. John is a guy I met in the bookstore this week. Kind of nice looking, Greek with brown eyes, black hair and all that 5 o'clock shadow a grrl could lust for. But, he wasn't interesting. How can a man have no interests beyond sports, his job and TV? To be interesting you need to have interests. Pretty basic to me. Anyway, if I take John at his word, I'm a good kisser.

Since I'm not entirely sure just what John wanted the whole kissing thing is a bit up in the air. But, I've decided to decide I'm a good kisser anyway.

Is it standard practice for a guy to pick up a woman while she's innocently reading, buy her a coffee and then kiss her in the parking lot? All in the space of, at the most, three hours? It seemed a bit rushed to me. I did tell him I'm in a relationship. I did tell him I'm not used to kissing on a first date. I did hesitate at the word date (I forget what I actually said) since that wasn't what I'd call a date. Shouldn't a date be where you arrange to do something together, after you already meet for that first initial meeting thing?

Maybe I'm just too old fashioned. Maybe there are no more dates, just pick ups. I don't want some kind of pick up date. I want a real date. I don't want to feel rushed.

I wasn't ready for him to take my hands and start feeling them up. I wasn't ready for him to take my hand and lead me out of the bookstore as if we were already a long time couple. I really, really, really felt unready when he started the kissing. That nice girls don't thing is a double edged deal when it comes to being kissed and not hurting his feelings. I did say I didn't want to kiss after the first one. But, that didn't stop John. What would have stopped John? I don't know.

I think John, while far too fast, was mostly harmless. But, I did feel worried and watched to see if I was being followed on the long drive home. Although I did give him my email address I made sure not to give out enough information so he could find the new house. If I wasn't a nice girl I would have never let that happen. Being nice is a trap. Maybe I'm just some paranoid old maid type, but I didn't like feeling rushed and pressured in those ways that only nice girls get stuck with.

I'm worth the time, dammit! I don't think John will get to find that out though. He just wasn't interesting enough.