It’s not all official until you have a first real meeting I think. But, I have met a submissive male and he does sound good. Knows, really knows, that he is to serve me. I have met a lot of submissive males (so called) who quickly give me a list of what they want and how I should treat them, how I should make them behave and how they can please me. All of this ignores the fact that I know my own mind and I know how and when I want to be served. I don’t need a list given to me by the very man who says he wants to serve me. You can’t serve me if you are making up all the rules, treating me like a McDomme, a fast food service for your instant gratification all done your way.

These kind of submissive men seem immature in the long run. When I don’t fall into their plan they soon ignore me, forget my email or just don’t show up when they had said they would. Does this sound like a man you would expect to know how to serve you (if you were a Dominant woman)?

Finding a submissive man who is strong (in mind and body), mature (not just in age) and independent and creative is unusual, in my experience. Yet, I think it takes a strong man to really be a great submissive. If he has never been strong how can he really appreciate giving up some of his strength and power? You have to have it to lose it, right? Also, as a woman, it is a huge turn on to be the woman leading a man like that versus one who wants it too much and takes it too lightly.

I found a quiz for male submission today: The Male Submissive Potential Test.

I’ve been trying to find a submissive man to suit me for quite some time. Most have the wrong attitude. Pushy! Yes, you want to serve her, you want orgasm denial, you want, you want, you want you want you want you want. See a theme there?

I’m not putting you down, though you may feel that way as you read.

I’ve met lots of men who wanted to be submissive. They almost all think that means serving a woman in the way they want to do it. Wrong. If you are really serving a woman that means doing it her way. Maybe she doesn’t want to deny you an orgasm, maybe she likes sex and wants to have sex with you. Maybe she likes watching you play with yourself and seeing you come, or maybe she does not like that at all. Maybe she wants to tie you up and leave you there, ignored for awhile. Maybe she wants to spank you cause you’re really starting to piss her off with all your demands.

I’ve been frustrated with men who go on and on about what they want from a Dominant woman. They hardly stop to ask me what I want. They assume they know or they think any Dominant woman will want the same things they do, pulled from the same list. They assume there is some rule book that all Dominant women must follow in order to be Dominant women. To stray from that means they are not really Dommes. Wrong again.

If you want her to be Dominant, if you want to be female led then let it happen. Stop trying to take charge and have it all your way.

Is it possible you are already in a female led relationship and you just haven’t really noticed it? Maybe you have had what you wanted all along? Look at what you have rather than what you do not have.

Want to see what I look like?

Men want to meet Dommes, real women who enjoy Dominating men. However, men don't seem to understand that we are real women, people too. We have interests, thoughts and lives that have nothing to do with tying men up, teasing and tormenting them. (As much fun as all that is).

I'm writing this blog for myself mainly. I used to write a weekly column called Bait & Switch for Adult BackWash. (BackWash is closed now). I would write about sex, kinky stuff, online dating, romance, passion and sensuality. I also wrote about my views as a woman who likes treating men as my own personal sex toy.

Don't think that I'm some experienced professional, cause I'm not. I never have been. I'm a woman you could meet any day and pass without suspecting I was anything but someone's sister/ daughter/ aunt. Just think about that... how do you know you didn't see me today? I'm a nice girl, a romantic. I tend to be quiet and polite and I'm thinking a lot behind my glasses. I'm the woman your Mother would like you to bring home.

Isn't that ironic?

I like teasing men while they can't do much about it. I like the idea of keeping a man in a cage or tied hand and foot to the frame of the doorway, or told to wear a bib in the restaurant. I like having a man who does it all, not because he has to, not because he could not escape the bondage or just say No, but because he wants to. I like a man who is strong, independent, intelligent and submissive (but only to me). I'm not into sharing quite that much.

I like a home made brand of D/s. Where instead of spending money on toys from a catalogue I am creative and use my own ideas and imagination. I really like having something ordinary become extraordinary fun in a kinky way. It gives you a whole new outlook each time you open a drawer in the kitchen, especially that junk drawer with all the odds and ends. 

I also like writing fiction, Femdom fiction. I've won 2nd place in an erotica writing contest run (in part) by Gloria Brame but that was several years ago. Still, it was quite an honour to me at the time. I've been published in The Dominant's View at least twice. I was there in the very early days of Clean Sheets but I didn't stick with it. I have this problem with being a social misfit/ loner and not giving myself enough credit for the things I can do. Luckily, I don't mind being alone, I keep myself amused. 

Anyway, this is as much information as I feel like giving away right now. I have just begun dating a new male submissive. That's why I'm here, writing adult content again. It's also kind of fun. I did miss it.

I don't think it's terrible or very adult to be interested in being the woman in charge of the man when it comes to the fun side of a relationship. To say it politely versus talking about more shocking things like BDSM and Dommes and men who want to be submissive.

It's not all about sex. There are things and situations assumed as soon as someone talks about BDSM and Dominance and submission. But, for me it's about being in charge and doing things my own way. If you don't want him drooling over you then you get to make the change. Instead he can wash the dishes and then kneel at your feet until just having him kneeling there starts to be more interesting than annoying.

I don't see everything connected to the D/s fetish being adult and taboo. It's fun. Aren't there things you'd like to do which 'nice girls' just don't do? Wouldn't you like to have a man be the one who feels helpless and unsatisfied for a change. You don't need leather clothes, extraordinary high heels or whips and chains. You can skip the accessories completely and just work with your voice telling him what to do. Force isn't necessary. Both of you want to do this, to have this experience and that is part of the charge and thrill of it.

Keep it all in the bedroom, private and just between the two of you. Take it out a bit, for a little more fun. Torment him just a little more. But, keep it fun for both of you. He needs to know you are in charge and that means you say when you've had enough, just are plain not interested or want him in another room- preferably making himself useful doing some of the household everyday work.

So are you shocked? My little secret is out. I like being the woman in charge of the man, at least in the bedroom.

I don't know what great advice I have on the business of erotic writing since I haven't had a great deal of success. I write a column for an adult website, freebie. I also write a newsletter about Sex Blogs for that same site, freebie too. I've been writing there since 2002 but it hasn't brought me fame or fortune.

I did have some success. I sold one short story for $100. That is my only erotic fiction sale. I also won a writing contest for one of my stories, Laundry Day from the Different Loving website. That was awhile ago, the site isn't there now but Gloria Brame is still selling her book. I don't have a book to sell.

So, if I had advice for people writing adult content it would be to stick with it in a strong way. Be persistent. Be consistent too. Look for other formats where you can get your name out but don't sit still and think that will be enough. Your name won't get known unless you make it known. Write for well known sites. If they turn you down send them another story and another. Be the writer you want to be, don't wait for it to come to you.

I'm going to work harder on it. I don't think I want to commit myself fully to being an erotica writer and leave it at that. But, I could be doing more with it as a sideline. I have a some experience, some fan mail and some contacts. It's up to me what I make of that. Same for anyone else who wants to get into the business of writing adult content.

Good luck. Get back to the Erotic Fiction Blog Carnival and see what someone else has to say.