Twitter / Search - #ThingsMenShouldntTextEachOther.

My brother would get furious at our younger sister for calling him "gay", "queer", "fag". She would make this a game when he had friends over. My poor brother would try not to rise to her baiting him. But, like anyone who is tormented relentlessly, he did come to his limit. He would jump up, she would run, he would chase her (the odd thing was that she still would not shut her mouth and kept taunting him even while she was running away).

Anyway, my weird family history aside, being gay was not okay. Men were sensitive to the issue, still are. For all I read about accepting homosexuality there is still a lot of discomfort with homosexuality. I can understand. I don't fully accept it myself.

I'm not about to bash anyone and I don't have a phobia about it (homophobia is a childish argument). But, it does not feel like something natural and right to me. I don't make an issue of it. It's a point where I just agree to disagree.

Today, reading the above hashtag on Twitter I got to see that things are not much changed from when I was in high school and my sister would torment my brother with those words. Men still feel uncomfortable, sensitive to the questioning of their manhood. That's a shame. I personally believe men are about the same as they always have been.

The issue of homosexuality really is quietly intruding into my own family these days. I have a nephew in high school. He has had to face the questions about his manhood. Is his voice pitched a little too high? Is it ok if he likes to dress up in a suit and add some blonde to his hair? Are his feet not big enough? (We don't talk about any other measurements...).

His peers decided he is gay at some point and have not let it go. It's not that he is one of those kids being bullied (at least I don't think so) but in his group of friends they joke about his sexuality. Meanwhile, this is a kid who is not having sex (we have talked about this and I choose to believe him). To that group of kids being gay is more about fashion choices, body language and physical characteristics than sexual partners. It's more about the image which gay men have been given by the media than about the reality of liking men/ your own gender sexually.

Take some time to read the posts on Twitter, made by men. Almost everything added to this hashtag is about the issue of homosexuality and being a man, being man enough. Write about men, our brothers, Fathers, nephews, sons, etc. What is the role of men in our culture? What would you like men to feel about themselves, as men?

Note: If anyone uses this post to make a stand about homosexuality I will delete the comment. This is about men and manhood (choice of sex partner is not relevant to the issue of being manly/ man enough).

I like the Gorean style for male submissives. They have gone into so much detail. The service and ownership side of the Gore way of D/s is intricate and sexy. I like to keep information as I find it. Each point can be adapted to my own wants and needs as a Domme.

Types of Slaves

barbarian: a native of the planet Earth, usually used in a derogatory sense in reference to slave girls from that planet. Also defined as slave girls captured from outlying regions or cities. Barbarian slave girls from Earth are considered shamelessly sensual. (Assassin of Gor, page 20; Book 17: Savages of Gor, page 83)

below deck girl: the term used for slave girls transported in the hold of a ship; they are held in individual cages and because of infestations of lice, all of their body hair is shaved; the term 'below-deck girl' is used derisively especially by those slave girls allowed to remain on deck in cages, who need not have shaved heads, though all slaves on a slaver ship are unclothed. (Slave Girl of Gor, page 318 - 321) …more

Is it surprising that a Domme has fantasies where she isn't in charge? I don't think so. We are all one human being, with a balance of things and feelings and beliefs, which make us a whole. If I could find an ideal man he would have a bit of a twisted side and share some of my fantasies, or at least understand - or at the very least take a week long business trip so I can enjoy my fantasies without explaining anything.

I tried another personals post on Fetlife. Will see if I hear from anyone before I decide I don't like having a personals post up and rip it down again.  I was already thinking to not post it at all. But, it is up. Maybe I will even hear from someone sincere. That would be a pretty big freaking miracle I think. I'm so disappointed/ discouraged with the whole thing of trying to find a man who really knows what it is to serve a woman and want to do so.

Is it possible to meet a male sub who is sincere about wanting a D/s relationship?

A D/s relationship - to me this means the relationship is a big part of the whole thing. If I wanted to play around and not care who I'm with I could buy sex toys and never need a human being at all. That isn't what I want. I want a man to date, to talk to, to go places with, to have fun, to really get to know and enjoy all kinds of interests: art, nature, green living, old buildings, reading, writing, road trips, bondage, teasing, domestic discipline, and assorted other interests both D/s and non-adult.

If you happen to be a male living in the Barrie, Ontario area, about the age of 45-50 apprx. and single AND you understand a D/s relationship is more than toys, fetishes and kinks- send me a note. Tell me about you.

Non-smoker would be a big bonus. Also, if you have a problem with BBW women there just won't be any point to meeting for more than coffee and conversation.

Last of all, for pity's sake! don't send me a note if you don't want an actual relationship with the idea of having something long term if it works out. I am not interested in owning a sub I don't know and care about. I'm not interested in casual sex or play dates or what ever else they call it these days. I am a woman and a Domme, I will not settle for someone who thinks they can treat me like a blow up doll.

Years ago I read an essay about "The Gift of Submission". I understood what the writer meant about submission being given and seen as a gift given. They wanted what they gave to be appreciated. But, it does leave the Dominant as someone who supposedly accepts a gift and then what? Do you see how one sided that is?

I don't see submission as a gift. Instead I see submission as the other side of Domination, there has to be a give and take for it to work. As a woman Dom I've had plenty of "gifts" of submission. Few of them have been wanted, appreciated or very sincere (in my experience). The "gift" of submission tends to come with strings attached. Men have a lot of expectations. First, they expect we are just waiting with baited breath to have their submission, in whatever form they choose to give it. They are wrong.

As the Dominant the submission I accept is on my terms, based on what I want to do, what I prefer and what I need or desire at the time. This is why very few men are sincere as submissives. They can't let go. They keep pulling on those strings attached expecting everything will work as they think it should, or want it to. This is more like "topping from the bottom" than a "gift of submission".

Anyway, to sum up - make sure your gift of submission really is a gift, freely given without strings and make sure it is a gift that is wanted. Be sure you really can give submission when you offer it as a gift. Be sure the woman (or man) you give it to does want it - it's not really a gift if you are pushing it on someone who doesn't really want it.