I used to write for a site called BackWash. There was the general side, then came along other versions and offshoots: kids, pets, lit (for snobs) and adult. The adult spin off was the first to branch out from the main site. I wrote there (I wrote on original, adult and kids - at one point there were three of me).

Anyway, when I wrote for Adult BackWash my login was Spirit of the Night and I called my regular column, Bait and Switch. It was fun most of the time. I wish I still knew where a few of other others from Adult BW are now. I have only kept in touch with one of them.

Rather than continue dragging along the backstory, here is what I found today from the debris of the old site. This is a poll I put up. I still like it.

This image is not clickable - it is cut and pasted from the original (which used to be clickable). If you want to answer, leave it in the comments.

I don't think asking for something is asking for too much. The whole online dating thing seems impossible. I have met men in other ways, at BDSM related events for instance, who actually are sincere and know what they are talking about. Men online looking (claiming to be looking) for BDSM and a Domme are too often liars. They want a fantasy. They do not want a real person to take that away from them.

Anyway, I don't know where else to look at this time. I can't seem to find any one my own age and in a close enough location who is also single and can accept me as I am (not thin or especially fit at this time). So, for now, I am just not going to care about it very much. I've got enough to work on and enough family pushing me to help them too. Not that I mind helping them but it all gets a bit crowded when you are taking on problems that aren't your own as well as those which actually are your own.

Below is another Fetlife profile which I wrote and then deleted. Some day my prince will come... that's my fantasy.

*I actually want to meet a guy interested in D/s IN REALITY. If a man here is about my age and local I will reply. I will not be talking to people who just want to play around online - pretending this is real to them.

I'm a Dragon. Born in the year of the dragon. I'm an INTP.

What does this mean?

I don't like playing games unless they are RPG like Dungeons and Dragons. I also like city building games and I have a soft spot for Carmageddon.

I write adult fiction and non-fiction. Sometimes I get paid for it.

I do not get paid to be anyone's Domme. I take Domming personally. The man I choose to Dom will not be one of the endless do-me trolls. He will also be local enough that we will meet in real time. I don't want to play online and I won't be playing casually.

I'm not looking for a younger man. If you're not 40 at least what do you really think I'm going to do with you? Find someone your own age. I want intelligent conversation with someone who will know what I'm talking about. If you're too young I'm going to have to wait while you look things up on the Internet.

Let's also be clear on the fact that I am not thin, or fit. I'm not very tall but I'm a large woman. I want a large man. No, I'm not talking about your cock. Put it back in your pants and think with your other head. I've already written about wanting someone I can talk to. I also want someone I can enjoy. I don't want a slender guy because I'm used to big guys and smaller guys seem breakable by comparison. That's just how it is.

The man I want must be single. Divorced is fine. I'm ok with the single Dad full time or part time. I'm fairly kid friendly. Lots of practice.

He really should be at least a little nerdy or geeky too. I really like science fiction. I also like history, so he could be a history nerd.

I photograph abandoned places, urban exploration in rural Ontario. I'm interested in a road trip buddy. I'm a great navigator.

I could say the man I want doesn't have to be all of these things, but he does need to have at least the majority of them. Some people will think I'm asking for too much but I'm really not going to be happy with a man who isn't close enough to meet/ date, near my age, single and big (BHM). I don't really see that as asking for a lot.

One last thing, I want a relationship which includes D/s and a variety of fetishes and such. The relationship part is essential. If you just want anything roughly female looking to serve you as a McDomme you should get a blow up doll.*

Originally posted to Sex Kitten.net.

I didn’t expect to find vintage naughty men. Women are photographed nude so men can look at them but… men don’t consider that women could enjoy seeing nude men. I don’t think (in those days one hundred years ago and to some extent still) any men thought to take photos for women. Maybe for other men. But, women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex too much. Only men like sex and only men think about sex and want sex. So why is it men need to much erotica and pornography to stimulate them? Could it be that women are actually more sexual and sensual and thus don’t need so much outside help to have an orgasm?

In my search for vintage naughty men I found an ashtray with a man on it had in fully dressed in a suit taking a towel from woman who seems to be floating in the air – perhaps hovering in a cloud of cigarette smoke (considering it is an ashtray). He’s naughty for playing a prank on her and she’s naughty for walking around wearing just a towel, and now not even that. This is why there were no nude naughty men. Naughtiness isn’t applied to men in the nude, only women. Of course, I’m assuming this is a couple in their own home rather than a stranger trying to molest her. They don’t look like a couple.

Often sex interests me just for the difference between men and women. People study and report about the battle of the sexes in the corporate and business world and in dating and relationships. But… how many people think about the way women and men still have such a huge gap between them when it comes to erotica, pornography, adult content and sexual material, online or not?

I found some vintage photos of women posed in lingerie, underwear, skirt raised or variations of that theme. The photos I looked at were being sold on Zazzle, not even an adult content site. They are all given the same general title of vintage naughty French girls. I looked at several of the photos, mostly thinking about the fashions a hundred years ago and wondering how impossible it would be to find names for those women and know something about who they were. Not likely any of them are still alive so it is a bit eerie to look at their photos now. At least I felt that way.

Do men ever think about who they are looking at, or only what they are looking at? Do women in those photos have any depth at all when viewed by men or are they just an image of body parts?

Anyway, because I am a woman and not gay, I wanted to find vintage naughty men. I didn’t particularly ask for French men, though that would have been fine with me.

However, if you look for vintage naughty men you find half a dozen videos about fucking (I almost never get tempted to look at adult sites with videos of men fucking various things). After those six links the next one was the vintage naughty ashtray being sold on eBay. All the vintage naughty ashtrays had nude women, no nude men.

If you don't have some romance, some intimacy and some humour in your BDSM, or your sex life to be more general,  you should at least be getting paid for your time. When it is impersonal, just a role you are playing or performing to a script you didn't create... why are you still doing it?

Performance art is fun, for awhile. After that you need a good book. I used to play online with men. It was fun while it was still creative and I was mainly the one in charge. I was just writing a story with instant feedback from the reader. It was more or less performance art. I had fun.

However, you get to the point where you are done, ready to move on. If you still have to wait for your reader to finish wanking off, it gets dull and tedious. There are only so many times and ways you can say the same thing. I used to get mildly annoyed when my story would get stuck on him wanking and me waiting for him to finish. Later, it was that which began to change my mind about the whole set up of playing online.

Each person thinks they are in charge, they are the one using the other person. The woman thinks she is getting what she wants. But she isn't really. I always found myself left wanting at the end of those encounters. Even if the men were good, even when the men did participate and add to the story in real ways, at the end you were still alone and he was gone off to his wife or whatever.

Whatever humour there had been was back in the moment. The romance and intimacy were just an illusion, virtual, digital and not at all personal. Playing online is a temporary connection. I think men like it because they don't want a personal connection. They do just wank off and go on their way. Women fool themselves thinking they got something out of it - he won't forget me, etc. Not so.

Too many online only encounters leaves you empty. The men take and take and give nothing to very little for your effort. Maybe the younger women are ok with that. They have grown up with the idea that sex is just sex and people do it all the time like monkeys and rabbits. I didn't grow up in that culture and I've never felt sex was impersonal.

So I do want romance, intimacy and humour too and I won't settle for performance art. If it means being alone then I'm alone and nothing has changed. If I do find someone that would be lovely, a bonus for both of us I think.

Married men online looking for a woman to dominate them... has it never occurred to these men that they already have the perfect woman to dominate them?

They say they want a woman to enforce chastity and not let them have sex. They want a woman who makes them do things, like clean the kitchen on their knees. They also don't want to consider her real needs or desires.

Aren't these men already married to their perfect Domme? She does not want to have sex with them. She would be quite happy if he did more around the house. Also, she is used to him not really considering her needs.

I suspect the only thing missing is the costume. How many wives would dress up if their husbands paid them $100 or more an hour?