It's amazing how many women and our potential, pride, safety, happiness, have been sacrificed for the male penis. We can't even imagine how different our society would be if women were treated as people and not sex toys all along. For every one thing that could have been different there are several more affected by it. Like a wall of dominos, not just a chain.

It is an ongoing process, mostly because men, and some women, don't want to change. Men see the role of women and do not want it for themselves. Not the reality, just the cosmetics, clothes, and sex which are traps, not things that make the woman.

What is a woman? People can't even answer that now. Things have become such a complicated mess. Women are getting worn down and rubbed out of existence. That will show them, right boys?

Not all men... they say. People, none of us, can really see the full picture. I think a computer devoted to the task could eventually figure out what the world, our society and culture, would be like if men were not dominating women, if sex were not such a huge part of our culture, if sex was about making babies instead of playtime, if women had been valued and appreciated as people (as a partner) all along.

So much responsibility is placed on women for their own safety. Why is so little placed on men, even for their own behaviour? Men if you are at all unsure, play it safe and assume her answer is NO! Make sure both of you get home, alive, safe, and unmolested. Its not that tough to do.

Years ago I wrote a column for the adult side of a site, BackWash. Its still around in archives online but stopped publishing long ago. It was mostly fun to write on the adult side. I wrote about myself and my experiences involved with men and BDSM.

My conclusion was, the main problem for women involved with BDSM is being over run by what men want. They say one thing, but don't really listen or really consider what she wants. For them, overall, it is a fetish. Whether they are dominant or submissive. That was my experience over a few years.

Anyway, I wandered away from the BDSM dating and ideals, later I stopped writing adult stories or columns, or ideas. Now and then I find something I would still like to write about. But, its off putting to write about adult topics along with everything else. The two don't mix so well.

But, today I found the site Chyrpe, an adult dating application based on the idea of female led relationships, also known as FemDom, Domme, and other words and phrases. I wonder how many of the women joining are professionals, likely almost all of them. That seems to be the only way it really works. There will be the very few who are not in a professional/ paid relationship.

They have a contact form for 'Ambassadors', a paying thing. I was interested because I have bills to pay, who doesn't. But, the form wants social media links with traffic/follower stats. I haven't had that for years. If that's how they choose Ambassadors, I'm not going to get anywhere with it.

Also, the whole thing about starting that up again. Yes, it could be fun, a lot of fun some days. But, it was also disappointing. Mostly because I was still honestly hoping to find someone (real) at that time. I never did. They were all fake, or fetish based, all about how they could serve me before even knowing (or asking) what I wanted. (I was sent dick pics before they even asked my name, just ASL and sometimes my measurements and weight) They were self serving and expecting me to perform a role. Wear the tight, shiny, skimpy clothes and a ton of make up and high heels. Well, that still isn't me.

I am still debating applying for the Ambassador thing. If I do, I can at least see what they are thinking the Ambassadors do. That would be interesting. So, I guess I will.

On a side note, I found my old link from the asstr.org site - shedragon

Female Sexual Arousal Disorder – is it real or is it just a bunch of horny men?

I used to write an adult sort of column for a website. It was sometimes fun, interesting, and sometimes aggravating. The issue about women and sex is huge and complicated.

I have wondered what our culture would really be like if it were balanced for men and women. Or, really, what would our day to day lives be like if we lived in an Amazon culture where women are the leaders? Have always been the leaders. Those in charge, making the rules, setting the standards. I don't believe we can even imagine it. Our own culture is so far the other way its not something we can understand.

Movies and stories are created about imagined Amazon cultures. They are always based on our current standards. Of course, it matters who the writer is. Their own ideas, notions, and experiences. I don't think it is at all possible for anyone to get an unbiased look at how a women-led world would be. How it would have evolved.

We are biased, even the most radical feminist, is biased by the world as it is, the culture we have grown up in. So, the idea that women have a sexual arousal disorder is ludicrous/ ridiculous. Who is so qualified and unbiased to decide what sexual arousal should be for anyone? What's normal and who can make that decision for someone else.

So, yes, it seems to me this idea of female sexual arousal disorder is based on the expectations of men. Just because men, in general seem to want more sex, how does that mean a woman is out of order if she does not have that same interest?

For me that's just the start of it. Men and women tend to live different lives, with different expectations about who they are, who they should be, and what they should do. The old double standard, the idea that she is a lady in the streets and a whore in the sheets, she is someone's sainted mother and someone else's wife, less saintly. Then... can we even agree about what is a women, a female any more?

There is the tip of a pretty interesting and slippery iceberg. Lets leave it that I do not believe in female sexual arousal disorder.

The question was: How and in what way do you exert your control?

My answer:

The simplest answer is that control is understood. But, that leaves out all the fun and interesting parts.

A D/s relationship is about consent being understood, a given. After that there are the fine points about how far things will go. But, the consent is a given which means I have the power in my hands. I can use tools, words, bondage, mental bondage, etc to confirm, enforce or enjoy having that power but, one of the best things is using whatever I like to enjoy having that power of consent.

I'm fairly creative. I have fun designing scenarios. I like domestic discipline with spanking, collar, leash and teasing and torment. I like the plan of having a sub in bondage, wearing a blindfold and being subject to my whims. Maybe a lot of sensual touches, maybe tickling, maybe the suspense of being ignored awhile. I like elements of Gor too, with a male submissive who has strict rules for behaviour, how to sit, when to sit, what to wear, etc. I love bringing in all sort of elements from BDSM, and other sources of inspiration. I do know that I am not into messy stuff like diapers, pee or poo play.

Control can be exerted with a whisper, a soft touch or the crack of my hand on a bare ass cheek. Control can be exerted from having a sub perform a spelling bee, having a sub lie in the snow while I pose and photograph him, a strict voice (my ten year old niece calls me a dragon because I control the kids with just my voice and the rare swat on the ass).

So the short answer is that control is assumed, but there is far more to it. I would say that a sub who tried to be too disobedient would not work out for me. I like the sub squirming in bondage but if he were bucking my authority the authority would just be gone and so would I. I won't put up with a sub who thwarts my authority or acts like this is all a game. There are a few rules but there are rules.