Valentines Day is approaching. Your lover does not want a new coffee machine, even if he or she really does need one. Some people (mainly men it seems) get into a flap about February 14th, saying it’s too much pressure. Other people (mainly women) get sad around this time of the year. They say they are just tired of being alone and ignored. Someone really needs to put these men and women together.

Men think they are being shafted cause they have to come up with some brilliant and romantic gift/ event/ date. It’s really not that tough. If she is one of those women who really does expect too much maybe you’re just dating the wrong kind of woman. Consider some other single woman. Don’t take this the wrong way but what about looking closer to you, single sisters, widowed Mothers. Instead of pleasing the unpleasable woman in your love life give a few thoughts and a bit of chocolate, maybe even a pretty card to the women in your family.

Women… now don’t look at me like that. I am of the same species. I would love a romantic Valentines Day too. But, have you really lost your mind? Are you expecting him to just ‘know’ what you want? If there is something you really want make it simple and leave him a note with exact instructions about colour, size, etc. Men like having a shopping list rather than feeling hung out to dry.

On the other side of that are the single women who wish they had the prospect of a romantic day. Get over it lovely lady. Create your own day. So what if you are alone? Make it a day for yourself. Plan ahead and decide what you really would like to be doing today. How about treating yourself to a weekend at a Bed & Breakfast? How about buying a bag full of delightful smelling stuff from The Body Shop topped off with a bag of your favourite coffee beans from The Second Cup. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Have no shame in being alone. If you weren’t alone you’d have to share the bed, the remote control and clean up once he’s done in the bathroom. There are good things about having a selfish Valentines Day all to yourself. If you really must have company invite over a crowd of grrls and make a sleepover out of it. Have fun.

Last night I gave the personals on Craigslist another try. This morning I had the following in my email inbox.

hi there just wanted to say i am thinknig you are prob. a pretty cool woman...just a bit of advice.... do u really think any guy would end up being a person who either read all that or even cares....its more like the 50 reasons why yo will never get married....sorry hun just thought u would appreciate it ... i can spell and who knows maybe you would like being up north in front of a fire after a great dinner and some wine ..then again maybe thats reason 34 why u wanna be alone who knows... ciao james

Pretty vicious little backhanded compliment post. It's strange that someone would take the time to post something like that to a complete stranger. It could be a very upsetting post. (In my case it's a bit stupid cause I said in my ad that I was divorced, therefor, "never" getting married doesn't apply to me).

I had also written that I was discouraged with dating. Maybe that made me a bigger, easier target for a guy like this, someone who just wants to hurt people. These kind of people look for the easy targets.

Anyway, if that is the caliber of man out there I'm much happier and better off staying single.

PS- This is my original post to Craigslist. I don't think I was asking all that much, far from 50 things.

Coffee Date in the Beaches

Brunette, blue eyed, 5'4", plus sized woman. To keep it short and simple and upfront. I do not want to meet men who are married or a lot younger than I am. I would like to find a guy to meet for coffee, have a conversation with and make plans for a second get together if we have fun. Please be someone who can have a conversation, have something to talk about, have things you are interested in.

I'm not hard to please. I'd like a guy taller than I am. I work as a writer so really sloppy spelling, punctuation and grammar bug me. General things like good grooming are expected. Although I'm not very dressy myself I love a man in a suit, there's just something about that crisp, clean cut look. Suits are not required but I won't run screaming if you show up in one. Be warned I am not a card carrying member of the lipstick of the month club, I just like being me, naked face and all.

I like urban exploration (looking around abandoned buildings and farm houses, etc.), writing, reading (science fiction, horror and mysteries if they are interesting and not gruesome, and non-fiction). I'm teaching myself web design and cartooning, slowly. I have been known to make my own ASCII art. Someone interested in Paganism would be nice but not essential. (I don't worship the devil or talk to ghosts, it's a nature religion). I enjoy sewing, crochet and quilting, not very often but I do like them. I like art, culture and history too.

This is probably too long now. I've been feeling discouraged about meeting someone but I am an optimistic type of person. I smile often and easily. It would be great to meet a man who has things in common with me but I'm not looking for a male clone of myself. I really enjoy conversation and hearing about new ideas and opinions.

I do have a photo but I'm not adding it here. Too many people look at this as a catalogue and forget the people posting here are real.

I took my post down from the personals. I don't need to set myself up for people who want to be nasty. Let them find a dog to kick, an old lady to push into traffic or whatever it is people like that do when they are away from the easy pickings on Craigslist.

I am (or give the impression of being) on the romantic and sentimental side. Maybe I am but, people tend to give me figurines, trinkets and such which they think I will like. I usually don’t like them and wish I didn’t have to find space for them, move them around with me (I move a lot) and feel obligated towards them. When someone gets you something like that it is something they thought was to be treasured and likely would have liked themselves. So you can’t just easily get rid of it. I have a lot of these little breakable treasures and as lovely as they are I wish I did not have them.

What I really would like are practical things. Or something impractical like a paid weekend at a fancy hotel. I could throw together some stuff and spend the weekend downtown where ever, that would be great. Or software, books, gift certificates for bookstores are good too. But, I do understand that people want to find a special gift, something that is to be treasured. Most people think I will treasure something delicate. I would prefer something that won’t break.

Although I make an exception for those bone china posy bowls. I have been collecting those since I got one from my Aunt who is now deceased. I would love to get one of those for Valentines day. Not looking too likely at this point though. Too many things are getting in the way of what could have been my first ever real Valentines Day. How annoying!

On some level I would like Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet, rescue me, fix everything and carry me off to his magnificent castle in the clouds. Silly, isn't it? You should all be saying yes. I know some of you have gone off to daydream about it, wistfully thinking of your own Prince Charming.

Well, wise up! There are no Prince Charmings. All the guys out there are not so different from yourself. They come equipped with their own hang-ups, problems, issues and inhibitions. I bet some of them are looking for Princess Charming. That's not you. You don't even want to have someone put all their problems on your shoulders and sit back while you fix everything.

So, why would you expect some guy to be that way for you? Prince Charming is a fairy tale. We're dealing with people here, when we wander through the selection of available men.

At this point I'm looking for a friendly guy who finds me interesting enough to stick around. Sure there are issues like no smoking, social drinker, etc. But you have to put them on a need and want level. What do you need and what do you want. Be practical rather than romantical.

When you can love ice cream and cheesecake, how hard can it be to love a guy who isn't Prince Charming but still makes you laugh and is comfortable to be around. I think you're better to like a guy than to love him. If you can't even like him how will you ever grow to love him?

Written for Feminists in Makeup

Someone is calling your name. He's tall and strong and lively. He wears a suit by day and comfortable overalls by night. His hair is dark and curly and his eyes sparkle as he laughs. He's calling your name but you can't quite hear him. He's just too far away.

Someday you'll find him. He's been looking for you just as you've been looking for him. He'd love to find you, to reach out and touch you. He wants to wrap you in his life and hold you there forever. He's longing for the day you will finally hear him calling your name.

Somewhere along the path you're taking is the path he's taking. The two of you will bump into each other. You'll look up, see him and smile. He'll call you once more just to see if you'll answer. When you do the two of you will walk that path together.

Sometimes his voice seems faint, maybe it gets carried away in the wind. There are days when you think you won't ever find him and he thinks the same way too. But, as long as he's out there, still calling, you'll know you have to keep listening, looking and walking in his direction. It's only fair for you to keep listening while he's still calling.

Some things will block out his voice and step in the way of your path. Just get around them or ease them aside. Make your life good and full but don't put time into petty things that will just take up your time. Don't look back. Keep walking, keep listening for him calling and you'll get there, one day at a time.

Someone is calling your name, can you hear him yet?

I wrote this for the ScribbeFest which starts February 3rd at BackWash. But, I didn't like it enough to leave it up for the Fest. So, here it is. I thought someone should read it, besides me.