The following is from a messageboard post on Adult BackWash. I quoted my own posts only, below the fragment that set me off. This is definitely a sore point for me. I've had it happen twice now, with different men. Luckily I was only married to the first one.

#...or if later down the road your feelings change and you have to hurt them to get out of the relationship.

That's bullshit. If you're that immature you should never be in a relationship. I went through about a year of hell cause he was too big of a weenie to say he had changed his mind. You have no excuse for pulling that kind of crap on anyone.

Falling out of love is BS. You were never in love if you can fall out of it. People drift apart and all that crap because they'd rather have disposable marriages than stick together and get through the bland, the hard, the years of being together. If you love someone, you love them. You don't fall out of love with your children or your pets. You may not always like them but you don't just stop loving them.

Hurting someone to get out of a relationship is the act of a weenie. If you "fell out of love" you tell them up front. You don't piss around for weeks, months, years and leave them wondering what THEY did. You be direct and tell them you failed and don't have staying power. Anyone who can't be at least that honest with someone they claim to have loved should never get involved with anyone, ever.

By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying – Lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.

Dorothy Parker

Originally posted to Adult BackWash: Monday January 26, 2004  

You should have slapped him, you should have smacked him, you should have.... It's circling round and round in my mind like water going down the drain. I can hear it gurgle.

What would you do if a man kissed you and you didn't want it? You can't give a kiss back. Though it would be interesting to come up with the correct polite protocol. Returning kisses is usually something quite different and much more romantic and desirable.

In my case I didn't bitch slap him. But, I think (and I have been thinking about it) that I did just right. Maybe not perfectly right but I did fine. I was uncomfortable and yet curious too. I'm not someone who gets picked up by men, I seldom get noticed in fact. The whole thing was like being offered a chance to live someone else's life for a short time. It was interesting, it's still interesting.

I didn't ask to be picked up. I didn't do anything to encourage him other than sit and talk. I did ask for him to stop when he began kissing me. I did give him a push away. But I did not put myself at risk by doing something as stupid as slapping a man I don't know and can't predict. I was alone in the parking lot, there was no one else around. I don't even know anyone in that town. My closest family and friends are a two hour drive away.

In my life I've been hit by two men. However, I have never hit a man. I can't think of anyone I've hit but for the time I spanked my nephew when he terrified me by running out into traffic.

The experience of being hit by a man is alarming and terribly frightening. His face gets ugly, like a nightmare mask. His eyes bug out, his voice rises and he grabs your body as if it were a cat's chew toy. You have no control at that point. You just wait for it to be over so you can pick up your pieces and leave while he's not ranting.

So, for those who think I should have slapped him (and there were a few of you) I think you need to watch less TV. It's all fine to go around hitting and slapping people when you're following a script but in real life things are different. I don't intend to become violent or have someone else become violent with my person. It's not fun and it's not sexy. Really, it's a hell of an experience.

I don't think I should have slapped him. I'm really glad that I kept my head and drove myself away. I watched in my rearview mirror all the way home in case he had followed me. One good thing about having such a long drive was that I was sure I was alone by the time I got off the first big road.

I'm not good at meeting men. I married the first guy I had sex with and I didn't get married until I was over 30. Then that didn't work out so I'm back to square one with a few more dents than I started with. But, I am back, sort of. I don't know what I'm looking for or what I want. I used to know. These days I don't even know what I need. There is no type.

I hear other women discussing men and saying "He's not my type." What does that mean really? He doesn't interest me is what I think it really means. So just say it.

So many women are looking for a man. But our way of doing it is coy. Meet his eyes once, then look away and pretend you're not taking peeks at him when you think he isn't going to see you peeking. Kid stuff. Suck it up and meet his gaze, draw it to you and pull the poor bastard in. If he doesn't come over fine, he might be a good boy or a married boy. Don't get discouraged just move along to the next one.

The less you want a man the more they seem to be drawn to you. My married sister attracts more men than I do. But, I think somehow they can sense I'm looking. She isn't. She has two kids, a husband she can really count on who does stand up to her when he chooses to. They're an interesting blend of two people.

Anyway, I think if I decided I don't really want to bother with men I'd soon have one. But, the odd part is that except for sex, companionship and children I really don't want a man. I can open my own jars, take care of bugs and I can always buy a step ladder if I need one to reach high shelves.

Do you ever flirt, tease or show off just to prove you're here? I do. Part for the joy of life, part to get attention and part just to be a part of the world. Grandstanding I guess you could call it.

Some people flirt or tease as a means of winning friends, checking to see if they're as much liked as they want to be or just to make sure everyone is watching them. I like to be watched too but not all the time, just the times when I feel like I want to be watched. The times I feel like showing off. If I don't feel like flirting or showing off you may as well fade into the woodwork cause... I want to be alone. Bite me.

I love time to myself, the freedom to not care, not give a rat's ass how I look or what anyone thinks. Time to pick my nose, clip my toe nails, read a book, dream up incredibly twisted story plots some of which will never see the light outside my brain stem.

Anyway, the flirting is fun, when I'm in the mood. How about you? Why do you flirt and what do you get out of it? Do you just flirt or do you go all the way? I would do that, go all the way, if I had a partner in crime to play with.