My other blog is a red one. Well, pink if you want to get technical. I don't want to write the same babble all over again. I'm reading a book about creating your dreams in spite of your fears, doubts, self pity, etc.

Sometimes I wonder, if I make myself so damn perfect what will I lose? Imperfections aren't all bad. They keep us from being completely boring. Can you imagine someone who is perfect all the time? Where's the challenge in that? I'd be sick of them in an hour. Sorry all you perfect perfectionist, but the fact is, you lack flaws. It would work for you if you were a diamond, but you're not.

I'm happy being a flawed diamond but I'm going to tighten some loose screws. Seems I let a few things slide a bit too much. Always that background feeling that I was waiting for someone to come along and.... what? Perform a magic spell? Rescue me? Something like that. Silly, pathetic, childish, not the person I want to be.

First, trust yourself and then kick your ass in gear. It's working, I think. I'm going to have to learn a new balance though. My theory is that if you're not learning something you're just wasting time. Eventually we are all going to die but why stand around twiddling your thumbs waiting for it.

I'm really going to bed now. I miss having someone else in it, even if it was my stonily silent ex husband. It was nice having someone notice my existence, even if I did have to push him off my half the bed.

Comment

gazehound

You said it girl! If you can't learn, why bother? Stop learning and you might as well just drop dead since life is all a learning experience!

And I second the missing having someone in the bed thing - it's a very nice thing to have that warm flesh near by, a strange reassurance of sorts. I hate that I sleep so much better with someone else in the bed though - just doesn't seem fair in the overall scheme of things, ya know?

This is a rant so get over it.

I am so tired of men who treat me like a disposable camera. They send a few emails back and forth tell me I'm interesting, pretty, etc. Then they just stop, forget I exist, toss me aside like a used book of matches, whatever. What is so wrong with them? Are they just big weenies or are they really that rude/ crass? Why can't they send an email saying they don't think it will work out between us cause... whatever reason. I wouldn't know cause I just get the rubbish treatment. I'm fed up with it. I wish there was a way to know in advance if that was the kind of pathetic loser he was. Then I could just never answer any of his emails, spare myself.

Before you think it... I don't do this to people. This week I sent out two emails saying "thank you, but no" politely and with my reason, usually just that the distance is too much and I don't want to try another long distance relationship having done it (unsuccessfully) at least times already. Why can't men be this courteous? Are they just that obnoxiously rude or are they gutless wonders?

There's my rant, for now. Like it or lick it.

Comments

green eyed kat

{{{{{{laura}}}}}}} I think all men have what I call the "dick gene"..and they can turn it on and off like a switch. Off when they are not a dick..on when they are. I think most of them keep it on the "on" position most of the time.

me

Tickles for you Kat. You're so funny. :)

I wonder what gene they would say we have. Someday, when I find a man with the dick gene in off position, I will ask him.

LABIA.

...and I'm crying. Congratulations.

Kareem at LJ.

LOL

I miss you too. I can't keep up with your journal but I do pop in and make sure you are doing ok. Hope you are taking all your vitamins and all that other good stuff they say we should be doing.

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions? Me either. But, I am making some changes. Just not hanging a promise on any of them. I don't need the added pressure.

I am so glad that Christmas is over. I miss it. I don't want to work as a cashier during Christmas ever again. There's a resolution.

Take care, I found my password and logged in just for you. So you won't have to wonder what I'm up to. Right now I'm not up to anything. Not getting into any kind of trouble at all. No, not me... whistling

Merry New Year!

It bugs me when you have a good cup of coffee, just slightly lukewarm now, and a fly has to die in it. Stupid bug! I would have finished my coffee but I looked down and there the idiot creature was, floating in my coffee. I will not mourn for the bug, just the coffee.

Quiz results - Monkey Daemon Your MONKEY DAEMON represents a nature that is admired, detail-oriented, and full of curiosity. Some people might call you self-absorbed. You like to plan ahead, and hone your various talents to perfection.

It's odd that I get a monkey when monkeys are one of the few animals I dislike. They rate just a notch lower than dogs. Dog lovers: No, you will not convert me to dog love. If I wanted a creature to slobber on me, shed everywhere, require constant babysitting, give me allergies, bite my family or do other obnoxious things I would get a dog, for sure.

This was part of the quiz:

Which occupation appeals to you the most? explorer dictator pilot writer actor assassin

So hard to choose. The only one that doesn't appeal to me is actor. I picked writer cause I do love writing and it would give me a chance to do most of the rest, if not all.