I've kept my column at BackWash going, more or less, mostly less. I was writing for a friend's adult site but that was called off. So now I'm a free agent once again. I still write non-adult and have a job on the side. But, the adult writing has faded away like most of my relationships with men. Why do they do that?

At the start they can't get enough of you, fill you with how much they desperately love you, must have you, etc. Then, without warning you just never hear from them again. If you bother to send an email to check in case he was hit by a bus, there is a slight chance he will send a short reply, saying nothing of anything. Men seem to be pretty small minded and shallow. But, I'm nothing if not optimistic and I still hope I'm just not meeting the right men. Somewhere there are real people out there who happen to be men.

Anyway, I am putting up a new site. It's going to be a site for writers. I will also attempt to get back to keeping up here. Though, see above, I am pretty much dateless. I don't even mind much at this point. Kind of nice to get away from it all. I'd try again if I found someone who seemed sincere about being with me. I'm not a lightskirt, I just play one for fun.

See you if you see me.

Laura

Originally posted to Wallflower Writes/ Blogs at Indecent Blogging.com

Your Birthdate: December 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path.

But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated.

A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life.

This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.

You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.

You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well.

Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences.

The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married.

You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

I'm sure there must be more people like me out there, somewhere. Surely at least a couple of them are male. Why do I keep meeting people who want me to be someone else, or expect me to fit some mould/ stereotype? I don't want to. I like to do things my way, cause my way is good too. It's not the only way, I'm not completely vain or blind to other options. But, I'm pretty clever in my own way. The odd way.

I am tired of trying to become what people want or expect me to. Or, maybe worse, accepting people (men) and making excuses and rationalizations for how it can work out, how I'm just thinking too much or trying to find someone who can't really exist. As if I'M the one who is expecting too much. I try to wrap myself around their little finger. It's damn time I took a coffee break on that.

Surely, there is a guy, who doesn't live so far away as to require long distance relating, who could actually enjoy my company, as I am. The real me, dorky, nerdy, flawed, passionate, artsy, scared, stubborn, caring, unreasonable, impatient, eccentric, unorganized, sensual, quiet, independent, old fashioned, crafty and on and on. And on.

Why do I keep meeting odd guys who don't care about the things that matter to me. Guys who seem to have more problems than I do, guys who want me to come to rescue them, guys who don't care about good punctuation, guys who can't carry a conversation above sex, guys who lie about things that don't really matter, guys who think a woman's body is all that matters. Guys who honestly, really and truly bore me. Why do I keep thinking that is all the choice I have? Why do I sell myself short?

I'm tired of it. But, I just can't believe there really isn't at least one guy out there who is abnormal in enough ways to mesh with all my abnormal. No normal, please, that would be boring. There must be an intelligent, interesting, passionate, optimistic guy out there. One who doesn't need to put me down to make himself feel bigger or better. One who doesn't mind some chaos and doesn't think all the dishes have to be sorted by size and put away right away. One who likes to read and talk about ideas, the weather and other things of interest. Bedsport too but not as a focus, crowding out all else.

Anyway, here I am. Come and get me. I'll leave a trail of typos, chocolate wrappers and spilled coffee. If you have/ know the words you'll find the way.

Comment

agingyoungrebel (Writer from BackWash.com)

Sure, guys like that must exist, Laura. Don't give up hope.

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? I eat over the sink or out of measuring cups, microwaves dishes, etc.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Secret Woman by Victoria Holt.

3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Still the big smiley face my ex husband gave me.

4. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Scrabble

5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? The Writer

6. FAVORITE SMELL? vanilla, chocolate, citrus, fresh paper.

7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? spoiled split pea soup or anything else that makes you gag while trying to clean it up.

8. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? Mmmmmm... nothing in particular for a couple of minutes. Just kind of a satisfied mmmmm kind of feeling. Then I remember I have to go to work, do housework, etc.

9.FAVORITE COLOR? deep, dark red.

10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? black

11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? I check the messages now and then.

12. FUTURE CHILDS NAMES? Lots of choices, always changing.

13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Me! Me! Always ME!!!! lol

14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla with lots of chocolate chunks and ribbons of gooey caramel.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? I would love to but it's risky to pedestrians.

16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Not even when I was a kid.

17. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY? One of my favourite things. I like to walk outside in the middle of a storm.

18. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Ford Tempo.

19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? Me, in the future.

20. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Irish coffee when I'm in the mood.

21. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & BIRTHDAY? Sagittarius, December, year of the Dragon.

22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes.

23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? Obsessively notorius newspaper columnist.

24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE? I like my natural colour.

25. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALf EMPTY? What's it full of?

26. FAVORITE MOVIE? Pretty much which ever one my date pays for.

27. DO YOU TYPE WITH THE RIGHT FINGERS ON THE KEYS? Yes, I type as fast as I think.

28. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? A dust bunny revolution. Have to keep kicking them back under there.

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 3, 6, 4, 19, ....

31. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Being ignored, I hate that, or maybe that's a pet peeve...

32. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR? One that never needs repairs and never runs out of gas.

33. PERSON(S) MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I've been here before.

34. PERSON(S) YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Ditto.

35. FAVORITE CD? Friends make them for me, I like all of those.

36. FAVORITE TV SHOW? Whatever I can sit through.

37. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Relish

38. HAMBURGERS OR HOT DOGS? Club sandwich.

39. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? diet coke but coffee is better.

40. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? Where ever I am.

41 what is on your screen saver? I forget, tall ships I think.

42. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS? Swiss Chalet.

43. FAVORITE PET: Human male.

1. Name: Laura
2. Age: Bite me.
3. Where do you live: In a cave at the edge of the world. (Ontario for those will less imagination).
4. What makes you happy: Being alive everyday makes me happy. Little things make me happy, the big things give me orgasms of delight.

05: Fandoms: You can be my fan.

6. What have you been listening to lately: Radio, Lovers and Other Strangers was just on.
7. Favourite film: I don't know yet. I like Moulin Rouge, Princess Bride...
8. Favourite band/singer: Bryan Adams, Crast Test Dummies, Alanah Myles... assorted others.
9. Interesting fact about you: I've gotten to the point where I really can type faster than I think, usually typo free too. Somedays I amaze myself.
10. Are you in love at the moment: Not bloody likely.
11. Favourite destination: I'd really like to see Russia, also South America and so many other places. But, for now I settle for a booth in Williams Coffee Pub and a good book.
12. Favourite quote:

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." - Eden Phillpotts "What's ahead of me and what's behind me are nothing compared to what's inside me." - Jean Shapiro

13. When is your birthday: December 19th.
14. Will you post this in your LJ: Yes.