Day one of a new diet Mom and I are going to work on. Don't get the idea that I'm a frequent dieter, I don't do all that counting and scrimping. I'm not some bean counter type. But, Mom really wants to do this so I'm trying it.

Day one and I nearly died at work. I managed to keep going almost the whole six hours but then I was feeling so awful I thought about driving myself to the hospital. I just didn't want to feel stupid when they tell me (an hour later) that my blood sugar is low from not eating enough today. It's not a starvation diet. All the fruit and vegetable soup you can stand to eat, that was the plan for today. But, I was hungry all day and my period started at work. That's when I began crashing. By the time I left work the supervisor said I was looking kind of green. I was a mess. If that ever happens again I will not try to drive home again either. I was half fainting as I drove.

Anyway, the diet itself is quite nice. Plenty of vegetables which I like. Then there are a couple of days when you have 20 oz. of steak/ beef. I don't think I could eat that much. Not unless it's really rare the way I love it. Even then, that's a lot of meat. But, to get to the beef and tomatoes day there are 2 more days of vegetables and soup. One day of just soup, bananas and skim milk. I don't really care for bananas.

I'm still hungry now but I just don't want to eat. I start work at 8 in the morning and I think I'm in jewelry again. I'm definitely going home early if I feel wretched again. But, I'll cheat and get buttermilk at the grocery store before I try driving anywhere. How awful it would have been to have an accident with another car tonight. You never know who's in the other cars on the road. What they're going through.

Comments

digitalzen

Hi, Laura...

Diets that you can't sustain aren't much use, because when you go back to the old eating patterns (soon, from the sound of it,) you just gain the weight back. Check out the USDA nutrition pages here for some guidelines that weren't cobbled together by some unscrupulous "expert" out to make a buck. ;) Zen

I had two days off work and I'm just as worn out as I would be had I been working. I think it's being here. There is so much stress from too much family time, especially when it's sort of not really your family any more. You can never go back, that's true when it's about your parents and brothers and sisters. You can't go back and expect them to accept that you aren't that same dorky kid, loser, whatever. Sometimes I feel like there are two people inside me. One is the person they expect me to be and the other is the unexplored (real) me. I wonder if I have to break something to be that real me. It seems the only way out and yet you're always trained to be nice, not hurt others and respect your family. What do you have to lose to gain yourself and your freedom from old standards?

Emily, it freaks me out that you're possibly reading this. I know you'll laugh. :) Me too.

I don't really think I'm ever going to find a man to share my life with. I'm not sure what's so wrong with me but I it's something. People can sense it in some weird way, a vibe, a smell, a whatever. I don't know. The only people who are attracted to me are the needy. Men and young people who need someone to listen to their problems, their life stories and give advice, pretty much anything but money. That's one commodity I don't have.

I don't want to be needed. I want to be wanted, desired, lusted for and at the top of his to do list. Do me, do me cause you want to not cause I asked, not cause I guilted you into it. Do me cause I'm what you want. Be with me cause I'm interesting, attractive, good company and a lot of fun in the bedroom. Don't bother with me cause I'm a good listener and you need someone to weigh down with your life's history of problems. I have my own I really really really don't want yours too.

Why doesn't anyone really want me? I'm feeling old and worn down by being needed.

Comment

agingyoungrebel

I know the affliction, I call it "Wailing Wall Syndrome", and at times, I've had it too...

Age is just a number... ever hear that one? Sure you have. But, when a 17 year old boy becomes interested in you (yes in THAT way) age is a lot more than a number.

I'm only the smallest bit flattered. I don't think he likes me cause I'm especially hot I think he likes me cause I'm not some awkward 16 year old girl and too self involved to chat with an awkward, sort of shy 17 year old boy. The only way that flatters me is that I'm chatty, in a nice way.

I can't date this boy. Yes, I admit I allowed myself a fantasy or two, just for fun. But the reality is that I'm more than 20 years older than he is. That's a lot of life lived. When you're that young you think you know everything, can understand everything. But, baby, I've lived it and it's a lot different 20 years later.

So, I won't date the 17 year old boy. I'm not sure going out for a coffee after work is ok. But, I've done that with other people from work.

The funny thing is that I wouldn't have thought twice about should I or shouldn't I except for a 21 year old woman at work who thinks the boy and I would be really good for each other and we look really cute together. That doesn't make a relationship. I have a feeling also, that a 17 year old boy can't even imagine the kind of relationship that I'm looking for. It's out of his scope. Just like me.

Comment

agingyoungrebel

You're right, the kind of relationship you're looking for is probably WAY out of his league. If the 17-year-old had NOT been a co-worker, I would have said "go for it anyway" (it's an experience, you've got nothing to lose, there's always a chance that it COULD work out, stranger things have happened, et cetera, et cetera: I think you know all the reasons one could come up with just as well as I do), but having a relationship with someone from work is already difficult in itself, and if that someone is 20 years younger (or older), well, I don't have to go on, do I?

Anyway, I think you have a right to feel flattered: not many women have teenagers fall in love with them...