Have you ever seen a birthday card for someone already deceased? I don't mean so recently that people still have a memorial sort of birthday for them. What about when it is your Father, long gone.

Today is my Dad's birthday. I forget how long ago he died, it has been about 15 years, possibly more. I can't give him a pretty or funny card. I didn't find any wise or witty quotes. Not a single birthday card found for the deceased.

Has no one else ever thought of this? I will see what I can think of. Nothing brilliant so far.

What would you write, draw, create as a birthday card for family or friends long dead?

It's hard to find a good, big, handsome man.

Fat Chicks Want More

I'm over 40... actually over 45 if you get technical. I'm a large sized woman, BBW (yes, I do think a woman can be big and beautiful). I'm divorced, which isn't bad as a drawback, but I can't quite see it as a plus. I'm also not the type who plays around with casual sex. So, it's not easy to find a man to spend time with. It's actually down right discouraging.

I've tried dating. I don't want to talk about it more than to sum it up. Men my age seem to be looking for casual sex, no matter what they actually say. Also, no matter what they look like in size or shape they all seem to want "fit" women. I don't mind this too much. I'd rather be with someone who wants to be with me, without trying to make myself become who they want. (Within reason).

I'm not writing this to criticize the men. They are human too, after all. I'm not looking for a perfect man and I don't want to try to make myself into someone's perfect woman. I would like to find a guy who wants me though. Me, as I am. I expect I will change, for the better and likely other things will just never get any better than they are right now. I'm a realist.

Introverted and Quiet, But a Good Listener

I find it difficult to meet men. I'm a bit shy, introverted. I can get over that and be social but I have to get out of my own head in order to do it. I just ignore myself and go ahead and be social.

I've always been a good listener. Probably because I don't talk as much as the person I'm listening to. But, I do like to listen, to learn and get to know people.

I've given up on most dating sites.

First, I don't want to pay to join a site. Then find out there are no men in my area. Or, at least no men who say they are interested in large women and an actual relationship involving getting to know a person versus just having a warm body to screw.

Secondly, I don't like to join a site that looks promising and claims to be free only to find out it stops being free when you actually find someone you want to contact. What is the point of using a "free" site if you can't do anything once you set up a profile? No one can contact you, unless they pay for it, either.

Why is it so Hard to Find a BHM?

I'd like to meet a man who is large sized, taller than I am (not a challenge) and not slender. Someone local so we could have a real relationship not 'let's pretend' online. A man who has humour - likes to laugh and doesn't take everything too seriously all the time. A man who cares about others and yet has that balance of not doing too much either. Everyone needs some space for themselves, it never works to give too much of yourself.

I'd like to meet a man who would go on road trips with me. I like finding and photographing old buildings and places. I like spending time in bookstores and then spending time in coffee shops reading the books I have. I really like a weekend getaway. Just drive somewhere and spend time... doing nothing much. I can make plans or have a general plan for the day with room for unexpected detours.

I'd like a man who could come to family dinners and work with me when we host the family for dinners and holidays. Not that I'm an event manager but I do like family and value those connections. Even when things aren't going smooth and I might be really annoyed with one or more of them.

I like science fiction and history. I like various types and styles of art and I like making things, sewing and crafts. I'm not especially religious, if I'm anything I'm Pagan, not an organized religion. I'm not an animal person, I'm allergic to them. I'm not a neat freak, it bugs me when someone is compulsive about putting every last thing away right down to the coffee maker. I don't want to move anywhere to meet someone, I've already done that once when I was about ten years younger.

Why is it so hard to meet a nice Big Handsome Man? I don't think I'm expecting too much but I don't want to ask for too little either.

Exploring the Abandoned Planet (urban exploration after people)

We may think about life after death but it's our own death we consider. What happens to the planet, the culture, machines, and animals we leave behind when (if) there were no people left on the Earth to maintain and build them?

Whether you think about something small like a goldfish in a bowl or big, like pollution... have you ever wondered how much impact humans have on the planet and how the Earth would change once we were all gone?

Life After People is a video series based on the idea that people (all of us) have disappeared from the planet. There is no discussion about what happened to us. Once the documentary begins we become irrelevant (except for everything we have left behind and how we left it).

If you have seen the series or one of the movies, do you watch it for the science fiction, the illustrations of abandoned civilization or out of curiosity to see what happens to everything when we (who think we are so important) are not here any longer?

I must admit, as an urban explorer (one who explores abandoned, derelict and ruined places and things) I do love to soak in the illustrations. I could spend the entire length of the documentary just pouring over the details of the ruined places. I would enjoy time to look at still images and catch all the details of the abandoned cars, roads, homes, and all the rest.

However, this series is so great because they go beyond the everyday places and things you would think of. Places like abandoned amusement parks, churches, historical monuments. Things like domestic livestock, family pets and oil leaking from cars in parking lots over time. The series of movies would have to go on forever to capture every last detail but you can find out so much in just an hour, or two.

The Neverending Adventure of our Planet, Life and Everything

I'd like to live forever. Not because I'm afraid of death but because I want to see how the story goes here on our planet. How far do people evolve and what big inventions and changes come along? Can we clean up the planet, control over population and give the animals some habitat back? What happens to the planet.. does the sun die out and leave the Earth cold, barren and out of luck? Does the moon last or some day get hit by space junk we created? So many questions, all leading to the end of time, and farther. How long can the story go? We don't even know where it all began. So many questions and so few answers we can count on 100% as fact. I'd like to know!

We can read so many ideas in science fiction but no one really knows anything, it is all just ideas based on what we know or think we know so far.

If I could have my three wishes... the first would be for health and losing weight, the second would be to live forever and be able to get around exploring the world and seeing it al for myself. Actually seeing it all, rather than reading about it in paper and print. As a bonus I'd take photographs with a digital camera which never runs out of battery life or memory space.

The third wish I would keep in reserve, you just know something will come up and I'm going to need that extra wish somewhere through all time and space.

Just because you prefer life as a loner doesn't mean you can't have some friends and enjoy being with other people, on your own terms and at your own pace. You might even find you like being social once you break the ice and find people you have interests in common with.

There are people who feel being a loner (someone who likes being alone) is awful, like having a plague. Being a loner does not mean there is anything wrong with you, it doesn't mean you are stuck up or snobby just because you're quiet and don't join in with everything.

One way to deal with stress or a lack of energy for socializing is to have a portable distraction. Keep keys in your pocket which you can take out and play with here and there to get your mind off the shyness, unease or impatience you are feeling in the moment. With a little distraction to get your focus off yourself and your feelings you can last longer and have your mind on the conversation.

Chances are you will find something interesting to talk about and that is the best way to keep yourself involved in being social and enjoying it too.

A great way to meet people and get yourself out there in a good way is to develop some hobbies and interests then find others who share the same interests or are involved in the same hobbies. Introverted people tend to enjoy hobbies which are quiet and leave them alone to work or create most of the time.

So, a hobby like photography will work well for you when you are alone - but you can find others who share the interest and will have some social get together You might even find yourself getting more out of it than you expected. People who share your interest will have ideas, resources and opinions which could give you a new outlook and inspiration.

Don't be Quiet About Being a Loner

Don't pretend you're something you aren't. When you meet people and feel a connection or want to keep a connection, let them know you tend to be an introvert rather than the social butterfly type. This way they won't expect you to be at the middle of every social situation, always chatty.

The days or times you do get quiet they will know you aren't being snobby and you have not lost interest in the conversation - you just happen to be the quiet type.

Keep Communication Lines Open

Use all the sources of communication to keep in touch with people: email, phones, getting together in person too. Make sure you give friends all your contact information so they can choose which is the best way to keep in touch with you.

If you are the sort who does not like answering the phone, let people know this is an option but not the best option. Don't leave people expecting they can phone you if you ignore the phone when it rings. Chances are email or social networking online would be a better option for both yourself and the friends you make.

Schedule your Time for Being Social

Decide on the best time for you to be social. Maybe you're a morning person and could get together with friends for a Saturday morning breakfast. If you work all day chances are after work will be your time to unwind and recharge your batteries so that isn't your best time for socializing. Pick a day when you don't have so much public time or work hours. Those days you will have more energy and feel fresher for being with other people.

It's Not About Bashing Men, or Fatherhood

Note: I'm not writing this to bash men or protest Father's Day. This is not anti-Fathers, it's just about Father's Day and giving some space to people who don't have the same appreciation for Father's Day which will be promoted all over the place, online and offline, over this weekend.

Some people will be feeling sad to have no Father around for Father's Day tomorrow. I won't be one of them. My Dad is dead, about 6 years ago I think.

We didn't get along. I was a kid at the time so it really was his choice. Like most family relationships, it's complicated and I never felt ok with him not really liking me until after he was dead. I don't want to go into more detail about our relationship. But, I did think it would be nice to share what I have felt and thought and concluded about the Father-less Father's Day for people like myself. From SomeEcards

My Own Anti-Father's Day Story

First of all, I don't miss my Dad. I do think it's sad he isn't still here - for his own sake. At the time he died I didn't feel much of anything. I thought I should at least be sad and later I was. Actually sad, not faking it or trying to make anyone else feel good. I didn't understand my sadness. Wasn't I finally able to get out from under his influence? A friend told me I was probably feeling sad because now nothing could ever change. He could never change. He could never tell me he didn't mean the stuff he said. He could never have a pleasant conversation with me. He could never do a single thing to make things better, or even different from what they were.

Anyway, that is something I think about this Father's Day. I feel sad for him to not be here (for his sake) and I feel sorry (for him) that nothing can ever be any different. He won't ever have a loving daughter and I won't ever have a Dad I want to spend time with on Father's Day.

Having a Father-less Father's Day

If you have a Father-less Father's Day you may just ignore the whole weekend and go on as if it were no special day at all.

I don't think you should. Whether you liked your Father or not, he was still someone in your life. Whether he left you with good feelings or no feelings at all, you don't really and truly forget him. I don't think we even want to forget him. He will always be some part of who we are.

Do something he can't do. Go out and enjoy your day. Take a walk, get a latte, buy a new book, play with your own kids (if you have them).

### Maybe You Should Call Him?...

When someone tells you they don't get along with their Father, especially over this Father's Day weekend, don't suggest they call him. Don't make it seem that things can all be patched up and worked out like in some movie.

Life isn't like a movie. Don't make people feel their feelings are not valid just because they don't fit into the sunny side of life.

Not every situation can be worked out by sending a Father's Day card. Not everything can be forgiven or accepted just because of a phone call.

Don't give free advice and ignore the real feelings people have had.

Am I Angry?

Not so much. I think the anger burnt out long ago. I resent him. He left me with a lot of baggage.

But, it takes a lot of energy to carry around anger and hate. So I just don't bother.

It makes my life that much simpler.

I haven't found anyone else writing about Father's Day for people who didn't like their Dad. I guess we are just supposed to quietly not talk about it. Well, I'm talking about it. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.