When I was about 20 I decided to look into religions. I knew the traditional Christian ways were not for me. I didn't like they way these religions viewed women. I had just read a book where the women were put into isolation after having their period or giving birth, they were "unclean". This was on top of growing up with the Adam and Eve mythology. From that point the Bible (written and rewritten by men) just goes on to look down on women, and worse. If I were a male, I would probably never have become Pagan. I would never have begun researching other religions and beliefs and looked deeper than the surface. Most likely I would have put religion behind me as not being all that important.

My Early Pagan Experience

I started with Witchcraft and Wicca because I found a book written in the 70's. It's a book I wouldn't choose to read now but parts of it were enough to send me looking for more information from more reliable sources. I found a Pagan bookstore referred to in a book. I made the hour long bus trip to downtown Toronto and found the place. Entering for that first time was not easy. I felt daring and yet I also felt I was walking into a place I didn't fully belong and might not be welcome. I wondered if they could see inside of me, my mind and my thoughts. Would they know what I was thinking, could they see my future and my past, my aura...? That was creepy.

The first thing that really happened was the smell. Ever since then I have noticed the same smell, strongly of incense over time, in every Pagan bookstore. I like pulling out a book I bought in a Pagan store. Even a couple of decades later I can smell it in the pages. If the smell ever goes away I don't know. So far it hasn't.

My adventure in that first Pagan store was intimidating. If I were less determined or less curious I doubt I would have tried another Pagan store. The people there did watch me and yet said nothing. Maybe they thought I was going to walk off with something, maybe they were just curious too, I won't know and I didn't ask then. I was already the shy type. I bought a book and a couple of polished rocks and I left, glad to be out of there. I was left with the feeling of not belonging and I never did go back to that store. Luckily there were others and more came along later.

Finding Where and How I Fit In

A few years more and the Internet came along too. By that time I was making my own decisions about what I believed and how I believed it. I didn't accept Wicca as it came. I took what felt right to me and put it together with how I felt about the world and it's people. I still believe this way; I'm very much an eclectic solitary type of Pagan. I gave myself the label of Earth Witch and I've stuck with that, to keep the explanation simple. To me an Earth Witch means I focus on the Earth, the natural and I don't feel influenced by deities or magick. I believe we each create our own magick from ourselves and it is up to each of us to choose how to use it, or not use it.

I have written about my Pagan beliefs before but not shared much of my actual experience. I used to get email from young women who wanted to know more about being Pagan. The main thing they wanted to know was how to hide it from their parents. I was never behind this. For one thing, if you have to hide it, maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

I do understand that some families are very Christian and close minded or even afraid of Pagan ideas and Pagan ways. If that is the case and you are living at home, this is not the time for you to explore being Pagan. Wait until you can do it openly. In the meantime, there is no reason you can't do simple things like have a collection of rocks, maybe some shells and feathers, keep a journal about your observations of nature, history and people. These are things you can do without upsetting your parents and family. You can be Pagan without having to prove you're Pagan. Know it yourself and start there.

Nowadays...

For me, being Pagan is a personal thing. I mainly keep it to myself. I've found a local group with weekly meetings but I have yet to venture out and attend one. I think I will. Each time I have stepped out and met other Pagans I have enjoyed the experience and learned new things about history, religion and beliefs. But, I'm comfortable with what I believe now, the way my feelings about being an Earth Witch have evolved. So I'm not as eager to stir myself up as I was when I was younger and just starting to explore and discover.

Is your Faith Misplaced?

One thing I seldom see in Pagan writing are posts about world news and current events from a Pagan perspective. (Unless the events actually relate directly to religion/ Paganism).

I also don't see people talking about taking comfort in Paganism or Wicca or Witchcraft the way some other religions do. Is our religion a fair weather friend? Something we take out when we intend to, or want to, but other times it's just not there.

These are the things I've been thinking about lately.

When you have a personal tragedy, do you turn to your Pagan beliefs for comfort?

I've seen people talk on and on about what they believe, defend it, teach it and promote it. But, is it still so personal to you that you could turn to your beliefs when you really do need something to believe in - not for a cause but for your own heart? You might perform a ritual because it's the thing to do. But, is your heart really in it? Is this giving you real comfort? Or are you just doing what's expected of you as a Pagan/ Wiccan/ Witch?

When did you last think of something in the news from a Pagan perspective? I don't mean news about anything religious. When did you hear the news from the perspective of being Pagan and think to write about how this made you feel, as a Pagan?

Not all news is relevant to being a Pagan, yet, if you are a Pagan shouldn't you see the news from the perspective of your beliefs rather than adding them in later?

Do you wear Pagan jewelry, collect Pagan tools and magical items? Does each one have real meaning to you or are they just part of your collection? Do you wear black because that's what Witches do or because you actually like wearing black?

When you 'Go Green', do you stop and think about how you are helping the Earth or do you just recycle because that's the right/ popular thing to do?

If you work with spells are you really taking into account "Harm's none"? Or do you just like creating a spell because it makes you Pagan and special. Are you a Witch because spellcraft makes you feel special and important?

When someone talks about Pagans in a negative way do you need to spring up and rush to counter them? Why? It's not for us to convert anyone and you are more likely to change their mind from your actions, not your words.

Do your Pagan beliefs reach right down to your soul? Are you satisfied with what you believe will happen when you die? Not about being gone and death itself, few would be satisfied to leave life. But, do you get comfort from the beliefs you have about what happens to your soul after your body dies?

Is being Pagan a fair weather friend for you or is it in everything you do and feel and believe? There's no rule that says it has to be. Being Pagan is about making your own choices and decisions, finding your own values and ideals. Have you taken that to heart or are you following the popular path without really accepting it on that deep, personal level?

After reading this are you going to leave me a comment to prove how Pagan, Wiccan or Witch you are? Are you already listing your Pagan credentials, ready to type them all out? Stop and think about why you need to prove how Pagan you are.

Could you be Pagan and not tell anyone, ever? Could you be Pagan and not need to prove it to anyone?

Being Pagan, Wiccan or a Witch is a choice of religion, spirituality, beliefs and faith. Do you have faith in your choice?

Have you looked at enough of the other options? There are endless choices inside of Paganism itself. Find the one that really speaks to you, the one that reaches your heart and soul, the one you want to live and grow with. Don't settle too easily for what looks shiny and new or popular.

Your friend gets into voodoo. She says it's grey magic... but that doesn't do much for you when you visit and see chickens hanging from the rafters along with a lot of dried herbs. You really get suspicious when you catch her pulling stray hair from your brush and picking the garbage for your nail clippings. Suddenly her idea for a girl's night isn't just about hair styles and bra freezing.

Luckily... you've got a few tricks up your sleeves... Genie in a Can!

The Genie in a Bottle was too expensive but Genie in a Can promises to protect you from any murky magic of the un-white kind.

Unfortunately the Genie is both temperamental and bumbling. He turns your friend into a toad and considers that his job done. So now you've got a toad for a friend. What do you do with her?

*What is one item that is sacred to you? (Can be anything, tool, amulet, object, etc)

What holidays or time of year do you consider most sacred to you personally?

Describe your sacred space (can be anywhere, indoors, outdoors, etc):*

One item which always feels spiritual and elemental to me are rocks, stones, pebbles and so on. I don't know what it is. Maybe I like that they feel firm and hard in your hand, worn and created by the Earth and water. There is nothing quite like a rock warmed by the sun. Pavement and sand get too hot but a rock takes the heat and keeps enough or bounces it off enough that you can sit on it even when you run to get there across the burning sand or paved lot. There is just something special about rocks.

St. Patricks Day may be most sacred to me personally. Some of my Grandparents were from Ireland and I miss them. It may not be my favourite holiday on the Pagan or standard calendar but it does have a lot of personal meaning.

I think my sacred space is sitting right here in front of my computer monitor. Coffee mug (huge coffee mug) within easy reach when I stop typing. I have pretty much created an altar right here with something from all the elements. I've got a jasper rock on a chain. Wooden beads made into a hair band. Hand cream made from a shop called Fruits and Passion. Hand sanitizer, surely that counts as a water element if the coffee doesn't do it for you. I've got Jann Arden, Bryan Adams, Loreena McKennitt, and Jazz Divas CDs beside my monitor, handy for sticking in the CD player. Couldn't those count for the wind element as you need sound waves to hear them. Stretching a bit, maybe. Of course fire is covered by electricity powering the whole thing and the lights I've got on so I can see what I'm doing down here in the basement apartment. Not a bad altar eh?

One thing that bothers me about people who are into Paganism, particularly Wicca, are the trendy money spenders. Those who forget it's an Earth religion, not a shopping religion. You do not need robes, goblets, altar tools, athames, jewelry, etc. Being a Witch isn't about how much stuff you can stack up on an altar it's about having an altar at all and appreciating and knowing what it's there for.

You can be a Witch without an altar. It's the meaning of the altar that matters, not it's existence. It's not about spells either. People who focus on spells and magick really peeve me. What is all that but stuff for the tourists. Other than your own personal magick (that comes from within yourself and stays there) any other magick falls the wrong way of harms none.

You may think you're helping someone but did they ask for help? Even if they did ask how are you helping them? People need to do things for themselves, to learn and to appreciate their own efforts. Helping other people will often backfire and next time they will seek you out instead of doing for themselves. You are their crutch, not their friend. Don't weaken your friends, let them develop their own magick, inside themselves.

... and you thought only Dragons could roar. ;)