Being a mature adult is about mastering yourself and your domain. It's not simple or easy but young women can manage as they grow up from being children to adults. We can take on more, become successful and then even encourage others to do the same. A woman is an asset to herself, family, friends, and community.

Learn to be self reliant and competent, have common sense and understanding. No one person can be everything, omnipotent. Don't put too many expectations on yourself or make more promises than you are able to keep.

Say no when you need to, or at times just because you really want to. Don't be pressured into taking on more than you can handle or giving more than you want taken. People in need will sometimes ask for too much - it's not for you as an individual to solve or fix everything.

Mind your manners, be punctual and be away of your posture and body language. You can look confident and poised even if you feel like a wreck inside.

Do grown up things: get a job, pay your own bills, open a bank account, get a passport and all the other paperwork which a young adult can do for themselves now that you are no longer a child.

As you work towards being mature don't lose one of the best things from your younger days, your creativity. Whether you work at arts and crafts with children of your own, or take up photography, or something trendy and creative - keep dabbling into the creative side of your brain. Don't let this valuable part of you fall into disuse. It's part of what makes us feel alive.

Is Advice Worth Giving?

• Do young women listen to advice from other women?
• Yes, other women have experience and insight which can be a good thing.
• Yes, but it's still up to each young woman to make her own decisions.
• No, free advice is worth every penny.
• No, I don't want to feel instructed and told what to do.

How you Look Reflects Who you Are

Be clean, tidy, well groomed and dress well appropriately. Yes you have curves and you look young and pretty. This is the time in your life when you will want to look your age, because your age is young and considered to be the most desirable for a woman.

However, have respect for yourself and don't go overboard. High heels, cosmetics, jewellery and short skirts don't make you a woman. What are you trying to prove (and who are you trying to prove it to) when your clothing reveals too much? It shows a lack of confidence when young women dress like someone craving attention. Much better to keep some mystery than to flaunt everything you've got and have nothing in reserve for later.

Too often young women are out in public wearing far less than the men they are with. It looks very mismatched. Young women should be aware, the person wearing more clothing with less of themselves revealed is the person with more power. The person with less clothing appears subservient needing to please. Is that really the impression a young woman wants to make?

The More you Can do for Yourself the More Power you Have

Get and keep a set of basic tools for home repairs. Learn how to use them. You should at least know how to fix simple things around your home.

Find a guide to home repairs and learn how to handle the tools. Then look around your home and see what could be fixed or repaired. Screw in a doorknob which has come loose. Tighten up a woobly wooden chair. Hang pictures up straight and at the right height for viewing them. Paint your walls a different colour. Add a hand railing to the shower. The more you learn and are able to do the better.

At some point you might get into creating something like furniture or restoring furniture if you find you enjoy working with the tools and seeing how much you can do. This is the kind of work that tends to stay done.

Learn how to keep your vehicle maintained too, if you have one. Rather than letting people at the garage tell you what you need done, know enough to at least understand how the parts run and work. As a young woman you have a better chance of not being taken advantage of if you aren't clueless when you walk in the door.

Don't Ignore the Traditional Women's Skills

Learn basic skills which women are still expected to know and do. But not for those reasons. Home sewing and mending, cooking and cleaning may be traditionally thought of as women's work but they are still valid in modern times. If you can sew on your own buttons, hem your pants, cook up a good dinner, maybe even can your own peaches and then clean it all up afterwards, you are ahead of so many others who find these skills beyond them (or beneath them).

Sewing skills are simple. It's not something you should need to pay someone else to do. Also, if you can't find the time to sew on a button, you really need to rethink your schedule. A little sewing is nice while you watch TV or have time to yourself in the evening. Just because these are old fashioned skills does not make them less important.

Cooking can also be enjoyable and give you a feeling of accomplishment with something practical. Baking is an extra element, a facet of cooking which requires more careful measuring and knowledge. With most cooking you have some leeway - however most baking will not turn out well if you add a little of this and forget to have the oven ready before you put in the cake batter. Baking is especially good for proving we need to follow the directions at times.

Cleaning is women's work which is never done, literally. I think this is why cleaning is still not popular with men. They like to sit back and see a job well done and have it stay that way. Cleaning up never stays done. Laundry must be washed, then put away and then worn to be washed and put away again. Dishes are brought out to be used and must then be washed, and put away until they are used again. Floors are forever having bits of stuff fallen on them. If you doubt the work of cleaning to be eternal, just look around you. There's a door handle to clean. There's a window with fingerprints. There's the curtains which need to be washed. There's the... It's endless and bottomless and it all needs to be done. For yourself, if no one else.

Life coaches help you achieve goals and get past whatever is keeping you from taking action to reach your goals A life coach can help you focus on what really is important to you. It's not therapy or counselling exactly. A life coach doesn't focus on solving issues from your past but on taking action in the here and now.

Is there a life coach for you?

Once you get looking at life coaching you will find there are life coaches in various niches. I have a friend who is a life coach for writers. Most life coaches do have a focus on career, business, entrepreneur, leadership, small business and career orientated goals. It makes sense when most people feel successful when they are meeting their goals and finding success financially - of course, most people work at something to make that money to become successful financially. It's all a big circle.

However, you can find a life coach to help you with your life beyond the career, business or executive parts of it. Life coaches include: health and wellness, youth and parenting, diet and nutrition, spiritual, cultural, grief and loss, dating and of course, sports coaching. You can find a life coach in any niche you need someone to help you.

Does it matter if a life coach is certified?

A life coach is not someone with a university degree or certification, necessarily. If you need something on paper then you might stick with the more traditional and official counsellors and therapists.

Life coaches can be certified by coaching associations (The International Coach Federation) but you should not think of them as a trained professional, like a psychiatrist, or psychologist. Don't go into a life coach if you just think you can save money or get help sooner than being on someone's waiting list. For instance, a life coach can not prescribe medication or determine that you have a mental illness. A life coach is for generally healthy people who want some extra inspiration or encouragement - a coach.

How important is it for a life coach to be certified? That is a personal decision for you to make really. It will depend on your own values.

Meet the life coach, see how they speak and what they say. What do they have to offer? Most of all, you need a life coach who makes you feel good. Even hours later when you think about what was said and the ideas they gave you. The purpose of a life coach is to help you. A lot of people can help you, but you need someone you have faith in, someone you will listen to and someone you trust to listen to you too.

Certification may not mean that much to you, if you find a personal life coach you can count on. One thing you can do is ask for references or testimonials from past clients. Ask if you can contact any of the people who gave a testimonial.

• International Coach Federation
• Certified Coaches Federation

It's Not About Bashing Men, or Fatherhood

Note: I'm not writing this to bash men or protest Father's Day. This is not anti-Fathers, it's just about Father's Day and giving some space to people who don't have the same appreciation for Father's Day which will be promoted all over the place, online and offline, over this weekend.

Some people will be feeling sad to have no Father around for Father's Day tomorrow. I won't be one of them. My Dad is dead, about 6 years ago I think.

We didn't get along. I was a kid at the time so it really was his choice. Like most family relationships, it's complicated and I never felt ok with him not really liking me until after he was dead. I don't want to go into more detail about our relationship. But, I did think it would be nice to share what I have felt and thought and concluded about the Father-less Father's Day for people like myself. From SomeEcards

My Own Anti-Father's Day Story

First of all, I don't miss my Dad. I do think it's sad he isn't still here - for his own sake. At the time he died I didn't feel much of anything. I thought I should at least be sad and later I was. Actually sad, not faking it or trying to make anyone else feel good. I didn't understand my sadness. Wasn't I finally able to get out from under his influence? A friend told me I was probably feeling sad because now nothing could ever change. He could never change. He could never tell me he didn't mean the stuff he said. He could never have a pleasant conversation with me. He could never do a single thing to make things better, or even different from what they were.

Anyway, that is something I think about this Father's Day. I feel sad for him to not be here (for his sake) and I feel sorry (for him) that nothing can ever be any different. He won't ever have a loving daughter and I won't ever have a Dad I want to spend time with on Father's Day.

Having a Father-less Father's Day

If you have a Father-less Father's Day you may just ignore the whole weekend and go on as if it were no special day at all.

I don't think you should. Whether you liked your Father or not, he was still someone in your life. Whether he left you with good feelings or no feelings at all, you don't really and truly forget him. I don't think we even want to forget him. He will always be some part of who we are.

Do something he can't do. Go out and enjoy your day. Take a walk, get a latte, buy a new book, play with your own kids (if you have them).

### Maybe You Should Call Him?...

When someone tells you they don't get along with their Father, especially over this Father's Day weekend, don't suggest they call him. Don't make it seem that things can all be patched up and worked out like in some movie.

Life isn't like a movie. Don't make people feel their feelings are not valid just because they don't fit into the sunny side of life.

Not every situation can be worked out by sending a Father's Day card. Not everything can be forgiven or accepted just because of a phone call.

Don't give free advice and ignore the real feelings people have had.

Am I Angry?

Not so much. I think the anger burnt out long ago. I resent him. He left me with a lot of baggage.

But, it takes a lot of energy to carry around anger and hate. So I just don't bother.

It makes my life that much simpler.

I haven't found anyone else writing about Father's Day for people who didn't like their Dad. I guess we are just supposed to quietly not talk about it. Well, I'm talking about it. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

Your birthday comes around once a year—every year—whether you like it or not. Don't be in denial; be proud! Celebrate yourself. Age really is just a number; it's all about how you feel! Choose to feel good, and if you're celebrating alone, make it special. It's your day, so do what you want!

Celebrating Your Birthday Alone? Make It Special

Spending your birthday alone is not a bad thing at all. I have family and a few friends, and that's more than enough for me. I don't mind going for a b-day lunch with loved ones, but I also enjoy spending my birthday alone. After all, it is my day.

I like to take my birthday as an opportunity to do things I like to do. I love having a day set aside during which I don't have to stick to someone else's schedule or worry about rules and the needs of others. I can really do things my way, and I can even go a bit overboard because it's my birthday.

The following is a list of ideas about ways to spend your birthday on your own. They are somewhat random and presented in no particular order. I wrote them as I thought of them, but I wanted to create a real list. So many lists online are more about scoring SEO points, and they only offer fluff—stuff everyone else has already said. I wanted this list to be different, and I hope it has at least one great idea for everyone.

Of course, your birthday is your day. Take the ideas you like and leave the ones you don't. Or just ignore the whole list. It's up to you! Have a happy birthday and don't worry about being alone. Being alone just means you can choose how you spend your time without any commentary from others about your choices.

Things to Do by Yourself on Your Birthday

• Take the day off work. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, arrange to have the day off. Use a sick day, a personal day or whatever works.
• Eat what you want. Seriously—whatever you want. Think about dieting, budgeting and health tomorrow.
• Write letters to the people you care about. It's old-fashioned and may seem to take up more hours than you want to give it today, but it can be nice to pause your own celebration and give thanks for what (and who) you have. Mail the letters—don't forget!
• Wear something great. Pick an outfit that makes you feel good and gorgeous.
• Give yourself a compliment. Look in the mirror and say it again.
• Wear something with colours you like. Go with an accessory like a scarf if you don't want too much colour.
• Dress in a style from your past or wear something you still have from when you were a kid, like a scarf, a pin or a hat.
• Buy a birthday pin or ribbon at a greeting card shop and wear it all day.
• If you have dinner, lunch or breakfast at home, go all out and decorate the table. Use the good dishes and cutlery. Add a centrepiece too.
• Spend time on whatever your hobby is. Knit, sew, build a ship in a bottle, go metal detecting, make muffins . . . the list goes on.
• If you have a car, take a drive. Go to another town and pretend you're someone famous for the day.
• Get a manicure and a pedicure—even if you are a guy. Forget outdated gender roles and treat your fingers and toes to a makeover.
• Buy new underwear and/or pajamas and recycle the raggedy-looking stuff you've been wearing for ages.
• Clean something special that's been gathering dust bunnies for a while. That antique mirror from your great-grandma could sparkle again—a job well done.
• Organize something you've let get messy. Maybe the family photos could be sorted out. Perhaps your sock drawer or the surface of your desk has gotten pretty cluttered. Getting rid of clutter feels nice.
• Start the day by getting up early, even if you would rather sleep in. See the sun rising on your birthday and the world (at least your part of it) while getting ready for the new day.
• Buy yourself something new to wear. It can be a whole new outfit or something small and pretty like a brooch or fancy hat you'd never dare to wear on an average day.
• Use every flimsy excuse to tell people it's your birthday. You may get a bonus like a free coffee, but at the very least, a lot of people will wish you a happy birthday.
• Go out for a fancy coffee or tea in the morning when everyone else is planning their day. Get a window seat where you can see the street and the people commuting to work, dealing with errands and wondering how they will get it all done. Meanwhile, there you are sipping tea or coffee and watching the world rush and work and scurry past your window seat.
• Pick up some extra groceries. It sounds silly, but get something—simple or fancy—that you really like. I love to get a steak and cook it myself—as close to rare as I want—while no one is there to "ewww" me about it.
• You know what you really want to do. Don't tell anyone else (unless you have to explain it to someone to get it done). Celebrate your birthday by doing that thing you want to do but keep putting off cause you don't have the time, the patience, the energy or the money. Today is the exception to the normal rules.
• Make amazing plans for the next year. Don't worry about being too practical with your list. Write down anything and everything you might want to do.
• Visit at least one local attraction, event or touristy thing. Pretend you are a tourist for a while. I recommend visiting a museum.
• Weather permitting, give yourself a picnic in the park. Bring a good book and a blanket to sit on.
• If you can manage to stay overnight in a hotel, you can even get late-night room service. That is still one of my favourite things to do for my own birthday. I like getting a hotel right in the downtown area of the big city.
• Take a long soak in the bath. Use fabulous scented soaps and bubbles. Pull out the candles and bring a book into the tub with you. No phones allowed.
• Watch some of the movies you've got collecting dust on your shelves and in drawers. Pop some popcorn and enjoy a beverage of your choice.
• Have champagne or cocktails. Treat yourself to a drink somewhere fancy, get all dressed up and go. Just have one and then leave . . . like a man or woman of mystery.
• Send yourself flowers, bake yourself a cake and get yourself a birthday card. Don't skimp on the traditions just because you're alone.
• No matter how old you are, put a lot of candles on the cake. It looks pretty, and no one will crack jokes about your age . . . unless of course you laugh at yourself.
• Put on music and dance and sing along. No one's watching or listening. Be your own DJ.
• Choose your own adventure. Take a few "wrong" turns and see where you end up. Go to places you've never taken the time to see before.
• Try something new and a bit risky or bold for your usual style. How about rock climbing, going without cosmetics, reading a book that makes you blush or talking to an interesting stranger. You could even get a new haircut.
• Send yourself something in the mail. It could be a gift card from a store you like to shop at. It's like giving yourself a surprise present—you won't know exactly when it will show up.
• Don't spend your birthday catching up on laundry or dishes or other endless household chores. They will all still be there tomorrow. If you have to, get dishes and laundry done the day before so they don't bug you on your birthday.
• Have a fancy, deluxe birthday cake, even if you buy it somewhere instead of making it. Don't count every calorie on your birthday.
• Walk somewhere. The beach and public parks are nice, even in winter. Take a camera along and be a photojournalist for the day.
• Do something for someone else. Visit an elderly relative, spend an hour babysitting your sister's kids or run an errand for your mother. Limit the time you spend on this, but remember that it's nice not to make your birthday all about you all day.
• Write about your day at the end of the day. Start a journal if you've never had one or find your old journal if you used to keep one. A journal is a great way to wind down, organize your thoughts and give yourself some time with your thoughts.
• Tell one lie about yourself to a stranger. Yes, it sounds silly. But just for today (your birthday), let someone think you're more impressive than you think you really are.
• Buy a lottery ticket. Don't forget to check it!
• Create an invitation to your own birthday for the next year. Buy a pretty card or make your own.

"Life's more enjoyable if you pretend that you have an audience." Jeff Martin.

This was from a link in The Unholy Trinity's column this week. It's such a delicious quote. Made me think about why we do anything. Isn't there always some element of performance? Isn't that why we get out of bed in the morning? Isn't that the real reason we drive ourselves to look like seductive wenches even though we're just going to pick up a few things at the grocery store? That audience is why we do just about anything not necessary for our immediate survival.

Just like boys playing hockey, when they are by themselves they like to narrate the event. I listened to my brother do his hockey narration against the garage door. Back then he wanted to be called Gus. (I doubt he knew Gus was short for Augustus, I never told him.)

Anyway, do you ever do your own narration? I do. Even if I'm not thinking about it it's there, somewhere in my mind. I evaluate how I get out of the car. "She did it again, a perfect exit, keys in the pocket with that stylish flip of the key ring." Did anyone see how graceful that was? Or, countering that, did anyone see how ungainly that was, do I get a redo? Take two, getting out of the car... ok Action! Ok..., that's perfect, cut and print! The audience applauds.

It's wonderful to be admired. To be the adored one. I think we all have some fantasy of being the movie star, worshipped by millions of men. The top model, the one who leaves all men with their jaw hanging down, drooling and hoping for one scrap of our notice. That woman, the one who seduces men with just a casual smile. Look at her, everyone, isn't she ever so worthy of watching?

Certainly we have performance anxiety at some point, when there is a real audience. But, that's different. A real audience isn't under our control. You can ignore the imaginary audience or have them laugh with you over your goof ups. They always laugh with you. How could they not, you're so incredible!

Maybe you feel less alone in the world if you have an audience. Or maybe it drives you to a better performance. Whatever it is, life is more enjoyable when you're performing for an audience.

Applaud now.