It takes bravery to get old. Young people won't know, or may scoff at the idea, until they get here too. If they get here, not everyone is fortunate enough to get old.

Getting old means dealing with your health in new and innovative ways. You take pills and don't really know what to expect from them. You go for tests and don't know what they're going to do to you. You trust people, professionals, who were in diapers and learning how to drink from a cup just a short time ago.

Getting old itself. Knowing things aren't what they used to be. Knowing other people, younger people, look at you and see an old woman. They don't see the person you are. Every old face is a resting bitch face.

You measure things differently, especially time. More of your decisions are about time than quality or quantity.

It takes bravery to look at yourself in a mirror and see yourself, still there. To find yourself, as they said long, long ago.

If you took a magic pill, what would it be for? People think about pills as little things you swallow to cure your problems, usually health problems. A lot can affect your health, mental and physical health.

So think about it, carefully. There is only one pill, one chance at getting the magic right. Of course, you can’t be tricky and say “everything”. The magic pill needs specifics.

Once you figure out what the magic pill will cure – figure out how to do it yourself, in reality. Good luck!

Although I believe there is a virus and people are sick with it, I don’t believe in the need for lockdowns, shut ins and etc. Most people who have had the virus recovered from it, just like many other flu viruses. You don’t hear about them. We don’t hear about domestic violence caused by people still having access to abused substances while in close confines with the people they abuse. How many people are living a nightmare and would rather take their chances with a virus? We don’t hear about people committing suicide. Virus tallies include people who had the virus but died from other causes, not always related at all.

We are given endless propaganda about staying home for the good of others/ everyone. So we are guilted into obeying. Meanwhile businesses are closed, many will not reopen, jobs are gone. There is talk of roads being closed – for a virus, really? What are we not supposed to see while living under the roof over our heads?

People are trapped at home, dependent on the Internet with all the various spyware from marketers. I’m sure this is a great time for gathering information. What happens when they start using it? Here we are, herded into our cages, waiting and ready for whatever messages they want to imprint in our brains. Marketing has been preying on people for generations, now it’s just gotten so much easier. Being pushed into the lemming mentality makes us all fish in buckets for them.

This extreme panic is for some other reason. This is not the first virus to make its way around the world. Does that qualify it as a pandemic? I wonder if some people just wanted to live in a zombie/ apocalypse movie. Others are making money from it and other still are using it for their own ends. These are the people that worry me. What is all the hysteria hiding? Why are businesses shut down and people trapped in their homes (hoping or assuming everyone has a home) for an endless time but the quarantine is just 2 weeks. Why are schools shut down but children from split homes are still shuttled back and forth several times a week from family to family. There are many things which don’t make sense.

This is why I created the coronavirus ASCII art. It’s a protest. I hope it gets people thinking, for themselves, rather than listening to the bottomless propaganda flooding the media. I think Con19 is the right terminology.

While I was married I began to enjoy the services of my husband as a backscratcher and back scrubber. It really is nice to find yourself with someone who you can ask to scratch an itch you can't reach yourself. Also, it was great to have someone who could reach your entire back when you wanted to really take the time to exfoliate in the shower.

These are small things but both became important to me once we divorced and I was on my own again.

I wonder how many divorced people (women or men) come across this too. I was really happy to have the whole bed to myself but I did miss having someone who could scratch my back, get that itchy spot or give my whole back a good scrub in the shower. Of everything that comes and goes between two people the back scratching was the one that I thought of first. I guess, in the early days of the divorce, it was only something small and simple which I could focus on.

It's funny that there is even an old saying about "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". I wonder if that was really about trades, business and deal making or did it really come from people alone after the end of a personal relationship, a break up or divorce.

Anyway, when you get divorced, sometime after you start to feel something other than numb, you need to learn how to scratch your back. Some people may have children or pets they can train. Some may have family and friends they don't mind asking. But, I didn't want to ask anyone. I wanted to handle it myself rather than feel I needed anyone or would have people thinking I needed them or could not manage on my own. It was a time I was rebuilding myself and getting back onto my feet again. Asking or needing help was something I avoided.

Luckily, there are backscratchers you can buy without committing to anything or having to offer anything in return (other than the purchase price for the retail

A backscratcher and a shower brush were two of the things I bought for myself soon after the divorce. Mainly because I didn't get far trying to reach the area under my shoulder blades and rubbing my back over the corner of the door frame wasn't getting it. I also tried using a pen and even a pair of scissors (closed) but they were risky because I didn't want to draw in ink on myself or end up being scratched too much by the blades of the scissors.

I've seen a few styles of backscratchers but I prefer the wooden type rather than those made of metal. The wood has a softer edge and doesn't get cold. I don't want my back clawed at by a metal backscratcher after all.

In the case of the shower brush I like a stronger brush, not soft and smushy. I keep it hanging from the shower soap dish and always run the hot water over it just before I get out of the shower. Now and then I run it through the dishwasher to make sure it gets a good cleaning between showers.

I keep my backscratcher right at my computer desk. Ready to serve.

Each time I read a title claiming to have a cure or remedy for menopause I laugh. There is no cure. Menopause is not something to be healed, it's a cycle of life for women. It's something that happens like birth, death and taxes. But, it doesn't have to be miserable.

Let yourself think about the whole thing, the big picture and find your own way through it and out to the other side. One way or another you are going to get there. It's up to you how the ride, the journey, goes.

This is not an easy topic for me to write about. I am 52, or will be in less than a month, I've never had children though I have been married. I would have liked children, instead I have looked after a lot of other children all my life. Most of all, I've been feeling old and the fact that I have menopause ahead of me, hasn't been something I feel okay about. So, I'm not writing this as someone who has all the answers, more like someone searching for the answers myself. No professionals required. Which of us is really a professional anyway?

From the start of our years as a young woman we begin teaching ourselves how to be women, how the woman's body works and what does it mean to be a woman in the world today. There are some written guidelines. There are a lot of spoken guides and a whole pile of double standards.

I'm a woman, born this way, lived this way, cleaned up my own blood for years this way. Being a woman is not about wearing a dress, putting on cosmetics and smelling nice. There is more to being a woman than the fact that we have different plumbing. We bleed. I don't think that should be taken so lightly or passed off as our obligation to the species, or whatever other babble religious officials and the male gender tend to tell us.

By now you must have heard that old thing about not trusting something that can bleed for 7 days and not die. Well, that's us, the magical, mystical woman. We can bleed, we do bleed and we do it so often it becomes a part of who we are. Menstruation becomes part of our identity, like having breasts or not growing a beard on our faces (for the most part). It's more than hormones.

Stay on the Sunny Side

So it does shake you up when you get to that age. The age where menopause becomes a reality, not just a word you learned how to spell.

I think it is easier for those who had children (or those who really never wanted them). You don't need to wonder what the point of all this blood, cramps, mood swings, mess and ruined underwear has been for all these years. As you take your Midol because the cramps have gotten worse in these last few years... I don't think those with children can feel the anger I feel. I don't have to apologize or explain it or avoid it. It's there and it's how I feel.

Of course, what we feel only matters to us. Menopause waits for no woman.

It would be nice to have a date for it. Menopause will start at 1:34AM on December 14th and end on December 16th, roughly 2:45PM. There isn't a schedule though. No plan and no knowing just when it will start or finish or what all the symptoms will be.

We hear about hot flashes. If our Mothers were around at the time, we know what they went through. I remember my Grandmother telling my Mother she should just have surgery and get it all taken out, like spare parts. My Grandmother just wanted her daughter to avoid pain, or what she thought of as a painful experience.. In fact, my Mother had a very easy menopause as much as I remember. We did talk about it so it's not that I wasn't there or didn't hear.

My sister-in-law just had a hysterectomy. It wasn't what she would have chosen. But, she has had endometriosis for many years and though she is sad about not having been able to have children - I think part of her is glad. An end to suffering is a good thing.

Today I'm writing this on the third day of my period. I wonder how many of them I have had since I was that 12 year old kid. I wonder how many more of them I will still have. I won't miss much about menstruation. I'm tired of dealing with it.

On the other hand, the mystery of menopause is just ahead of me. My friend, Deanna, is already there and she is just a few months older than I am. Her symptoms are things I'd be glad to do without. So, I'm hoping I will take after my Mother when the time comes. But, there's nothing we can know for sure but the fact that it will come and then, one day... it will be over and life will go on.

Women have to endure a lot with our bodies all our adult lives. I didn't get pregnant and give birth. But, I've been here in the trenches all these years. I'm sure I will get through menopause too. In the end, it will be nice to have it done and see how life is on the other side.

Each time I buy maxi pads now I think... this could be the last time I ever need to buy these! That's the thought that cheers me up. I guess we each need to find our own encouraging and happy thought (or thoughts) when it comes to menopause.

As we get older we are told to think of ourselves as goddesses, getting better, like a fine wine. Those are nice sentiments. In reality, I feel we are supposed to fade into the background like a nice old granny (even if we never had children). I want to find something good about menopause. I want to feel happy about who I am in this time of my life. Most of all, I don't want to feel that I'm done. I went to Amazon, looking at the books with so much advice, mostly medical and promises of cures. You can't "cure" menopause! I noticed this book and it offered me the magic and happiness I want without even knowing that is what I lacked. Menopause has taken some of my spirit away. I don't want someone telling me I'm more powerful than ever and I should be out there taking over the world. I just want my own world to be a better place, again. That would be enough for me. I'm going to take a look at this book and I'm passing the link along with high hopes for all of us.