I'll tell you a secret. The only other person on the planet who knows about any of this is of course, Keanu Reeves, cause he was there.

Today while I was waiting for the coffee water to boil, Keanu dropped by. He finally read that series of erotic stories I wrote about him and he just wanted to verify a few things. He was amazed that I knew him so well, his likes and his need to be tied up and kidnapped by a strange (fellow Canadian) woman. (Just in case you wanted to know, Keanu and I were born in the same year, though he's older, don't rub it in and make him feel bad).

So, Keanu invited me to attend the next Oscar bash with him down there in the US. I said I don't have anything to wear, though I have an idea for a really great dress. I'd have to starve a few months to be Hollywood thin and there's a good chance I'd die before getting skeletal enough, but... it's a date with Keanu.

I created my dress, while waiting for that watched pot to boil. It was long, slinky and red, with a print of dragon scales. It would be backless so I could show off the huge dragon tattoo across my back and along my arms. Not one of those gaudy things, just something creative and discreet, yet somewhat shocking. Keanu loved my sketch.

But, he had to leave before the coffee was ready. Too bad, it was a Christmas blend, very good.

Some Pagans believe in brownies, fairies, and assorted little people. I'd like to. But, the practical side of me just can't quite let me. How cute it would be to see little elven creatures frolicky around in your garden if you woke up early enough some fresh morning.

But, what would those creatures do the other 23 hours of the day? Could you imagine turning over a wheelbarrow to find several fairies sheltering under it from the heat? Then, that really practical side of me gets into the mess angle. Where do fairies sleep, pee or bury their deceased? Every living thing makes waste. Some more than others, look at all the pollution people make compared to animals in general.

So, though fairies would be sweet, magical and all that, I just can't accept them as more than a pretty fantasy. I like them for desktop wallpaper on the computer.

What do you believe? Don't let me knock your convictions if you feel otherwise. I'd like to hear from someone who believes and has answers for my practical questions.

Originally posted to 'BackWash: Where the Wild Things Are' newsletter, June, 28, 2003.

Once upon a time is an old rhyme

Who said it first? that little verse

Oddly, without fail at end of every tale

They all live happily ever after

Can you write something short and poetic? Its not what I usually write. I'm not especially great at it, but it doesn't matter. Its fun to write something different. Sometimes change is a good thing.

Why did the Wicked Witch melt in water? In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy pours a bucket of water over the witch and she melts away to nothing. Was she made of sugar? I've seen how sugar dissolves and sort of melts when you pour milk or water over it. I don't think the Witch could have been made of sugar though, she wasn't very sweet for one thing.

Maybe she was made of dust? I know how dust looks. I see it under things and on top of things sometimes. Its very thin and easy to blow away. But, if you get it wet it does get kind of packed down and sticky. So if the Witch had been made of dust she would have packed down, into the floor. But, she would have stuck there and just been kind of a mess. I don't think she was dust. I didn't see a lot of dust bunnies running around her castle, just monkeys.

Maybe she was never really there in the first place. I've seen them do stuff like that in other shows. A trick with mirrors, a time machine or some other sort of thing.

Either way she did seem to just melt and disappear. I don't know why and I don't think it was very nice of Dorothy to melt the Witch. I thought she had a nice laugh. I guess she was a little mean about the red slippers and Dorothy's dog, Toto. Still, Dorothy did drop a house on the Witch's sister. That would make most people pretty sad.

Now, what I really wonder is what ever happened to those ruby slippers anyway? Dorothy seemed to lose them when she went back to Kansas with Auntie Em. Maybe the Witch didn't melt after all. She just became invisible until Dorothy went back to Kansas and lost those ruby slippers.

Someday I will have to write the real story about the Wizard of Oz. I think there is a lot left unsaid.

Jonathan Swift is an Irish writer who wrote Gulliver's Travels. Gulliver was an ordinary man who got lost in the sea, he washed ashore on an island where all the people were much, much smaller than himself. Gulliver was suddenly a giant. The little people were afraid of him.

Would you like to be a giant, for a day? It would be interesting.

It would also be hard to find a place to sit. I think you would have to get out of the city and find a spot where you would have plenty of space to turn around in. Somewhere, in a wild spot you could sit down. Watch for any hikers or people trying to have picnic. Don't sit on any animals either. Rabbits, squirrels and crows would seem about as big as bugs to you while you were a giant.

When you got hungry or thirsty you could find a river to drink from but what would you eat? I guess you could go to a drive through fast food place but could you afford enough hamburgers? How many hamburgers would a giant eat? You might want to roast a whole cow. If you are a vegetarian you could eat a whole farmer's field of lettuce, tomatoes and carrots. Just wash off the dirt and bugs first. Although you probably wouldn't even notice the bugs.

I think it would be lonely being a giant. Your friends and family would all be too small to play with you. Swings and slides are made for small kids. School would have to be brought outdoors cause you couldn't get inside the building. But, you could have fun exploring mountains, way high up and deep under the ocean, deeper than the small people can swim.

Still, when I'm feeling tired at night I really like to just be in my own bed, comfortable under the covers with all my favourite things around me and a roof over my head.