Nice to find this mostly forgotten blog by Erin Dunphy today.  It all turned out well. 

1000 Days of Celibacy

• I'm giving you a massage tonight.
• Just thinking about how gorgeous you are.
• I. Love. You.
• I want to kiss you all over.
• I'm picking you up after work.
• The rest of the evening is a surprise.
• What I would give to be holding you right now.
• You're incredible. In case I haven't told you that lately.
• I'm still thinking about how radiant you looked this morning.
• You are the sexiest woman I've ever known.
• I adore you.

I know you can do better than my list and I want to help all the hapless men out there whose idea of a sexy text is: "What r u up 2? LOL."

via Dear Men, Here Are 10 Texts You Can Send the Woman in Your Life Right Now to Make Her Day - xoJane. (The link is broken now).

Why does romance have to be dead? I can remember being at work and imagining I had someone who would send me a note like this. That was before mobile phones so, of course, my note would have been delivered along with flowers (or in person).

On the other hand... I was a client in an office when a full bouquet of flowers were delivered to one of the men there. They were from his girlfriend, not for any special reason. I've never forgotten how touched he was, even a little emotional.

So, romance is not dead and romance is not just for men or women to be the givers. Anyone in love can instigate some romance. For no special reason at all. Just show them they are special - that's the reason.

I've been disillusioned about men online before, many times. But, reading the posts to #ByeFelipe is just sad. Some people will write about this site (the hashtag has an Instagram, Twitter and Facebook page) and complain or rant about men. Then there will be angry men who leave ignorant comments - men of the #ByeFelipe caliber.

#ByeFelipe showcases the dating scene online and how men respond to women who say no.

The strange thing is how little the men put into these interactions and how aggressive they become when the women don't give them what they want. Most settle into calling the women names: fat, whore, ugly, bitch, etc. I read one where he threatened to keep harassing her until she sent him nude photos of herself.  This is based on a one time, often one sentence, contact.

#ByeFelipe is sickening to read through. I laughed at first but it got less funny as I thought of all the men doing this and wondered about the men I know. Men I wouldn't suspect of this and yet... these men are all sons, brothers, uncles, husbands (no doubt in some cases).

We think the men writing this are ignorant due to their attitude and poor/ lazy spelling. We think they are jerks due to the aggression which comes far too easily. We don't think of these men as someone we know (and like). We don't think of these as the men we respect. But, we don't know and that's the problem.

These men pretend to be friendly, sincere and interested and then turn on her as soon as she isn't interested. Obviously there is no honesty or sincerity in their first contact then. These men would be a very bad risk to actually meet. So how do women risk meeting any men? Unfortunately this is what men don't seem to understand. They think they are all good guys and it's not their fault women are... (fill in the blank).

One last note: how much of this attitude could be changed if women were not shown as provocative in order to market products? If women were not seen as the sex in sex sells maybe men wouldn't think every woman should be available to have sex with them. Maybe even these men could see women as people rather than sex toys. Maybe men could treat (and think of) women like people even if they are not serving a sexual purpose for them.

Read more about #ByeFelipe and the interview with the founder.

One thing no one fantasizes about is writing that online dating profile, over and over again. Your name, age, looks aren't too stressful to write about. It's trying to come up with a pleasant, attractive and informative way of saying everything else that makes profile writing a troublesome aspect of online dating.

Consider the profile worth doing, rather than an aggravation. If you change your outlook the job is easier and can actually be fun. Think of this as an investment in your future. It's a chance to market yourself to the people you want to meet.

When choosing a user name or login for the site take the time to come up with something you won't dislike in another month. Don't go for something cutesy or slutty you will be sick of and stuck with. Be creative too and not another Jenny29583 or Mark4Yu.

Write your profile in complete sentences. Check your spelling, grammar, punctuation and proofread for typos. Sloppy profiles are a turn off. This is your chance to make a first impression. If you don't proofread and fix mistakes you give the impression of being sloppy, careless or not really interested in making a good impression (not really interested in who you meet). Who would be impressed by someone who doesn't seem interested in meeting someone special? We each like to think we are special, in some way.

Be honest. Remember, the idea is that you will eventually meet these people. You can't hide those extra pounds or the birthdays you've had forever. Just admit them upfront and be done with it. People reading profiles do look at them like a catalogue: sorting them by age, weight, non-smoking, kids, etc. because those are important to them in searching for someone. Hiding things can work against you because someone looking for you, as you really are, could pass right by because everyone is not looking for perfection. Whatever you try to hide or ignore, just be honest and it becomes a non-issue rather than a road block. None of us are perfect, we all have flaws, issues and things we aren't real proud of. We are all imperfect.

Never include your phone number or address. Those are vulnerable to being picked up by spammers or someone looking for an ID to borrow. No one should need that much detail about you in an online profile. This should be social, not business. Exchange addresses and phone numbers when you find someone you really do want to meet face to face.

Read the ads others have written, what are they looking for and what parts of their ads appeal to you? Likely, you are looking for someone like yourself with the same general background. So, what appeals and attracts you to a profile? Use that information in making your own profile. Get a friend to give you some help with a self description. Make some notes. Take time to really think about how your profile will present you to the people you want reading it. Turn your quirks and flaws into positives. Show your good attitude.

Talk about who you are, not just how you look. What are your interests, hobbies, plans for the future? What places have you seen and hope to see later? What's great about your life, your job/ career? When you read an ad how important are the little things like eye colour, hair colour and height? Put more effort into writing about more than your physical looks. Let people get to know you, your sense of humour, your geeky, brainy side, or your passions. Tell us about your life and the life stage you are at: kids, career, retirement, college, etc. Those are the things people will remember.

Choose a few favourite things and/or hobbies and write about why you enjoy them. Don't try to list everything. That may make you seem too busy or scattered. Pick a few that sound good, that represent you well and may perk the interest of like minded people.

Write about yourself and then write an equal amount about who you are looking for. Try to write it with a positive spin. Don't go on about negative things, think positive. Don't write about what you don't want - write about what you do want. Write proactively and avoid over used phrases like "looking for..." Or the routine list "cute, funny, smart..." Write something along the lines of "On a mission to find a partner for the upcoming ballroom dancing event in town at the end of summer." This tells about you and who you are looking for and it's a lot more interesting to read about something real in your life than just a list of attributes. Let the facts speak for themselves.

Also, what do you want from online dating? Something temporary, a friendship or a lifetime romance? However, don't babble about being on a quest to find true love. Maybe that is your goal but you won't find it reading dating profiles. It takes time to find someone you really know well enough to want something that lasts.

Don't get too wordy and long. If you can stick to one or two paragraphs, do it! Your first sentence or two have the best chance of being read so focus there. Put your personality and the most essential information up front. A long profile looks intimidating on the page, it's just too much information to get through and it gives the impression that you are trying too hard. You can write more about yourself once you have made the initial connection with someone.

Prepare in advance and then keep a copy of your final profile handy for posting. You can even save it as a file on your desktop so you always know just where it is. Plus, it's handy if you have a spur of the moment blast of inspiration and want to make a change. If you have a picture available keep that on your desktop too. Post it to a free website like Flickr so you can quickly add the URL link (not every site will let you upload a file) when the opportunity arises to add a picture with your profile. Use a current photo that shows you looking relaxed and happy. Ads with photos get a lot more attention.

Good luck!

Once upon a time, there was a young woman who was just dipping her toes into the social scene on the Internet. IRC (Internet Relay Chat) to be specific because these were the days before blogs and social media became something everyone knew. This young woman was pretty much one of the stereotypical nice girls. She hardly even dated because she was kind of a quiet, serious person and didn't really talk to men. However, getting online and talking to all kinds of people from the comfort of her own home was fun, exciting even. She became an IRC diva. This quiet, serious woman found herself made part of a group on an IRC channel. She had the feeling of belonging and having friends and she liked it. She began to flirt and play just as the others did. Back then IRC was new and talking online was a whole different game for people to learn to play. Many people were using the chat to 'hook up'. Actually, many women were looking for romance and love and many men were looking for a good screw, with something they hoped was female.

So, this quiet, serious young woman met a lot of men online. A group of women in the IRC channel became known for trolling and taunting the men online, those who came into the channel looking for easy women. This young woman was one of the three in the group. The others were Lis and Vix, for short. They had a lot of fun baiting and switching and laughing at the horny trolls.

Then there were the other people in the group, the other regulars. Most evenings they got together and played Truth or Dare in the public channel. The serious, quiet woman had no sexual experience to play the game telling Truth about. So she took the dares, almost every time. She became smart at finding loop holes, or just storytelling her way out of it. A good time was had by all, regardless of whatever Truth or Dares were told.

There were other women in the group, but there were men in the group too. Some became friends, fairly close friends, with the quiet woman (who by this time wasn't really all that quiet during the chat but was still fairly serious). One man in particular became a regular in the group and the serious woman liked him too. They talked, not just in the public chat.

He was married and wanted to divorce his wife. Things were not going well, she wanted out - or seemed to... You know how that story goes. In this case, the serious woman - though she really did like the man - pushed the man to stick with his marriage. She wasn't 100% on her decision, she was kind of lonely and still single and not someone who was out there dating outside of her Internet chat 'dates'. But, being the serious type she was, she did not think she could tell someone to end their marriage, even if she did consider it.

The man offered to come and visit the serious woman. It was a sincere offer, very unlike most offers which she heard from the horny trolls. But, she had her serious way and could not take that step into breaking up a marriage. So, time went on, they still talked and even traded home addresses to send real Christmas cards in the mail. After awhile, a year or so, the chat group broke up, as these transient sort of things will do. Someone had an issue with whoever was in control of the group and people were made to choose sides. Inside this side choosing the group dissolved.

The serious woman lost track of the man after awhile. She lost track of all her friends from the group within a couple of months to a year. She was sad about it but she had met other people and was fine.

A couple of years later she somehow found the man again. He was divorced (or separated) from his wife and living with one of the other women from the group. Not one of the two who had been her game playing friends but one of the women she had talked to in a more human to human way and had actually gotten to know a bit. Sadly, the serious woman was not one of those who saved every online conversation so the details were lost in the vast space of her mind.

The man and the woman both talked to the serious woman, and kept in touch for a short time. Then she lost track of them again as she so often does.

People will sometimes ask if you have regrets. I say no, not really. You can't go back and change things anyway, so what is the point of thinking of anything you regret. However, when I think about it, I do regret not being a little bolder, thinking more about myself than the other woman and what was right and proper in a by-the-book way.

So the moral of the story... don't try to live by rigid standards which you didn't set for yourself.