In our culture it is very alienating to be 50. That age where it hits you that you may not even be middle aged now. Being young, from childhood to somewhere in the 30's was such a different perspective. I didn't see it then but I can see it now. Being in my 40's was (so far) the best time of life for me. I felt ok and even good sometimes. I felt I was ok with myself.

Then, among the years I should have been 40-something, 50 hit me. It came down hard and clouded everything. Even when I could have been happy being 40-something that 50 hung over me, hovering like my personal rain cloud of doom.

In younger years I had read about actresses and such who said there were no roles for older women. I thought little of it. I could see older women in TV shows, movies, commercials, etc. Likely they were in theatre too if I cared to look.

But, the actresses said it wrong. It's not that there aren't roles for older women. It's that there are so MANY roles for younger women, younger people.

Our culture is based on youth. Not just being young and looking it, but the parts of life which come in those younger years (traditionally): going to school, dating, marrying and having children. When I watch anything on TV now I am swarmed with the feeling of how much I don't belong. How far I am past those parts of life. I don't want to go back. I just want to be ok with where I am. But, it's hard.

It's hard to feel ok with being older when it seems we don't exist, are expected to keep to ourselves and not be seen or heard. Unless it's something to do with spending money like buying insurance, buying sedate vacations, buying pee pads (not for your period, whether you still get it or not).

I feel alienated in my own world. I don't see where I fit in. I can talk to the younger generations. I don't know their particulars any more: the music, the actors, etc. But, those are just entertainment. I know about life, having come through those younger years. But all my experience and knowledge is tainted by how younger people see me. I'm old. I don't know the entertainment stuff so I'm relegated to being outdated, out of place and I don't really understand how things are today.

Odd, but things aren't all that different. People are born, go to school, try to get along in the world, get married, have babies (or not) and then.... it's the long stretch of being there, but not getting in the way, until you're finally as old as you feel.

I don't feel old. I feel like me. I feel almost the same as I did when I was twenty. But, those are memories and I know that. No wonder we tend to look at the past more as we fall into the future where we don't fit in and don't have a place. In the past we had a place and the world was about us.

Now I'm an alien. Just because I'm 50.

If it weren't for the perception of others (and my own awareness of time limits) I could believe I'm twenty. Young people expect being older to feel so different. It's not. It's almost exactly the same as feeling twenty. But, I look at those who are twenty and I can see a difference then. There is a shiny new-ness, an extra bounce and they're just a bit quicker to laugh.

So maybe we do become an alien as we get older. Where is the mothership then? I'd like to find the other aliens and feel I belong again. I don't like this feeling of being isolated among all the people I see every day.

The other thing I don't like to think about is to look past myself and see those older than I am. Right now I may not feel I belong and I may feel like an alien... they look more alien. I worry about how I will still feel like myself when I start to look even less like myself and more alien to who I think I am.

Where is that mothership...?

Being a mature adult is about mastering yourself and your domain. It's not simple or easy but young women can manage as they grow up from being children to adults. We can take on more, become successful and then even encourage others to do the same. A woman is an asset to herself, family, friends, and community.

Learn to be self reliant and competent, have common sense and understanding. No one person can be everything, omnipotent. Don't put too many expectations on yourself or make more promises than you are able to keep.

Say no when you need to, or at times just because you really want to. Don't be pressured into taking on more than you can handle or giving more than you want taken. People in need will sometimes ask for too much - it's not for you as an individual to solve or fix everything.

Mind your manners, be punctual and be away of your posture and body language. You can look confident and poised even if you feel like a wreck inside.

Do grown up things: get a job, pay your own bills, open a bank account, get a passport and all the other paperwork which a young adult can do for themselves now that you are no longer a child.

As you work towards being mature don't lose one of the best things from your younger days, your creativity. Whether you work at arts and crafts with children of your own, or take up photography, or something trendy and creative - keep dabbling into the creative side of your brain. Don't let this valuable part of you fall into disuse. It's part of what makes us feel alive.

Is Advice Worth Giving?

• Do young women listen to advice from other women?
• Yes, other women have experience and insight which can be a good thing.
• Yes, but it's still up to each young woman to make her own decisions.
• No, free advice is worth every penny.
• No, I don't want to feel instructed and told what to do.

How you Look Reflects Who you Are

Be clean, tidy, well groomed and dress well appropriately. Yes you have curves and you look young and pretty. This is the time in your life when you will want to look your age, because your age is young and considered to be the most desirable for a woman.

However, have respect for yourself and don't go overboard. High heels, cosmetics, jewellery and short skirts don't make you a woman. What are you trying to prove (and who are you trying to prove it to) when your clothing reveals too much? It shows a lack of confidence when young women dress like someone craving attention. Much better to keep some mystery than to flaunt everything you've got and have nothing in reserve for later.

Too often young women are out in public wearing far less than the men they are with. It looks very mismatched. Young women should be aware, the person wearing more clothing with less of themselves revealed is the person with more power. The person with less clothing appears subservient needing to please. Is that really the impression a young woman wants to make?

The More you Can do for Yourself the More Power you Have

Get and keep a set of basic tools for home repairs. Learn how to use them. You should at least know how to fix simple things around your home.

Find a guide to home repairs and learn how to handle the tools. Then look around your home and see what could be fixed or repaired. Screw in a doorknob which has come loose. Tighten up a woobly wooden chair. Hang pictures up straight and at the right height for viewing them. Paint your walls a different colour. Add a hand railing to the shower. The more you learn and are able to do the better.

At some point you might get into creating something like furniture or restoring furniture if you find you enjoy working with the tools and seeing how much you can do. This is the kind of work that tends to stay done.

Learn how to keep your vehicle maintained too, if you have one. Rather than letting people at the garage tell you what you need done, know enough to at least understand how the parts run and work. As a young woman you have a better chance of not being taken advantage of if you aren't clueless when you walk in the door.

Don't Ignore the Traditional Women's Skills

Learn basic skills which women are still expected to know and do. But not for those reasons. Home sewing and mending, cooking and cleaning may be traditionally thought of as women's work but they are still valid in modern times. If you can sew on your own buttons, hem your pants, cook up a good dinner, maybe even can your own peaches and then clean it all up afterwards, you are ahead of so many others who find these skills beyond them (or beneath them).

Sewing skills are simple. It's not something you should need to pay someone else to do. Also, if you can't find the time to sew on a button, you really need to rethink your schedule. A little sewing is nice while you watch TV or have time to yourself in the evening. Just because these are old fashioned skills does not make them less important.

Cooking can also be enjoyable and give you a feeling of accomplishment with something practical. Baking is an extra element, a facet of cooking which requires more careful measuring and knowledge. With most cooking you have some leeway - however most baking will not turn out well if you add a little of this and forget to have the oven ready before you put in the cake batter. Baking is especially good for proving we need to follow the directions at times.

Cleaning is women's work which is never done, literally. I think this is why cleaning is still not popular with men. They like to sit back and see a job well done and have it stay that way. Cleaning up never stays done. Laundry must be washed, then put away and then worn to be washed and put away again. Dishes are brought out to be used and must then be washed, and put away until they are used again. Floors are forever having bits of stuff fallen on them. If you doubt the work of cleaning to be eternal, just look around you. There's a door handle to clean. There's a window with fingerprints. There's the curtains which need to be washed. There's the... It's endless and bottomless and it all needs to be done. For yourself, if no one else.

Here we are, not getting any younger and maybe a little more shapely and curvy than we’d like to be. We know the route to being thinner is diet and exercise. The problem is finding the motivation for this self deprivation and torture.

Future MILFs is an online group of women (not the only one) but I really like the appeal to a woman’s sexiness. Think of yourself as sexy rather than an overweight, older woman trying to get in shape. Think of all the head you will turn once you become a hot, sexy woman. Think of how great it will feel to turn those heads. Maybe this is the very motivation you need to get started and stick with a plan (your choice of plan) in order to become your hot, sexy self.

The Future MILF Club started as a weight loss group. Every Friday the Future MILFs post our "Weekly Weigh In". It includes pounds lost this week and total lost. You do NOT have to put your weight if you don't want to. Then include a little blurb on how your week went. If you dorked out when you got your gold star or stripped down to a tank top and bike shorts, a la The Biggest Loser, for your weigh in.

You can do any weight loss program that works for you so long as you keep your weigh ins honest. We want to know if you couldn't walk away from the Twinkie cause it will make the rest of us feel better for licking the peanut butter jar.

But as the club evolved we've all decided that we should open it up to people who are trying to get their sexy groove back in other ways too. Ladies who want to work on dressing like they did before kids used their shirt as a booger rag. Or maybe someone who wants to actually look forward to sex again but hasn't been able find their mojo since they had kids. Whatever your goal towards MILF-dom, post your progress on your blog every Friday. And post your failures too, it helps all of us to share.

But most importantly, keep a sense of humor. The name of our club was chosen in a tongue-in-cheek way to remind us of that.