I'm not a Buffy or Angel fanatic but I do follow the series, more or less. I like Faith, that character. I've thought about her even after the credits are rolling and the next show is starting. Of all the characters Faith has the least faith. She is distrustful and destructive. At least for awhile.

I've been thinking about faith, what that is and where it comes from and where it goes to. Kind of interesting. Having faith basically means believing in something without real proof that your belief is justified.

I once read about a woman who was charged with murder. She went through the trial and in the end the verdict was handed out as 'Not proven'. That was something they used to do, ages ago. Not any more. But, it was interesting. For her and her life she always had that black cloud of suspicion hanging over her, not proven. Neither guilty or innocent, just some limbo.

Faith is like that too. If you take an idea to heart it's hanging in limbo but if you have full faith in it it's proven. If you are in doubt it's not proven and you don't have real faith, not blind, trusting faith anyway. There are levels of faith. I think that's good. You shouldn't close your mind to new theories, options and chances. Keep looking for more questions and their answers. Faith isn't a permanent thing, written in blood or chiseled in stone. It's subject to change.

The woman in the book had to live with people who were suspicious of her. She had trouble getting a job being allowed to go to church and being accepted by the community at all. It wasn't fair, she wasn't guilty after all. But, they didn't have faith in her. They needed that final solid verdict to put her on one side or the other. you don't get that with things you have faith in though. Pagans and Christians and all the other Faiths don't get to see their gods or the heaven or hell they put faith in. We don't get a preview or screenshot. It's taken on faith.

But, it comes from within you more than something you read or are told. It has to seem realistic and practical, possible. We don't put faith in something completely out there. Faith is too precious to just give away so easily.

Now that I've rambled on and on... the woman in the book did finally get her verdict of innocent. But, it came late in her life. Someone else confessed when they were dying and wanted to get all the skeletons out of their closet.

I have mixed feelings about healing. It seems to me that people take it too lightly. As if you can heal anything with the right words, the right herb the right touch, etc. I don't believe that's true.

Healing has to come from within. You can add things and hear things and understand things but that alone won't heal you. There aren't instant cures for healing the mind or the body. At least that's how it seems to me.

When people are in pain they want it to stop. That's why any kind of instant cure is hoped for and paid for. But, that doesn't mean it will work or that the same problem isn't still there, just buried or masked.

Yes, you can take Tylenol to get rid of a headache. But the headache goes away when your blood thins due to the Tylenol, but not only that. The body is a mystery, still. We know what's connected to what and how things work in a basic way. There is so much we don't know. So much to do with the power of our own minds and thoughts. Positive thinking.

I hear people talking negatively and I cringe on the inside. It's a mistake to be negative and then to express that is adding to the problem. Expressing it gives it a chance to exist, to have it's own energy. To become part of the world in a more physical form.

Not that I haven't expressed my share of negativity. Sometimes I express it to purge it from me. I get rid of it by giving it a name. When I name it I then know where to find it inside of myself and that's a start to ridding myself of it or the original problem.

Healing is complicated. Just as people and life are complicated. But, people make life more complicated sometimes more complicated than it would ever be on it's own. Too many rules that must be obeyed. Rules are too unbending. In order to heal you have to bend and be free to let go of some things and accept others.

Sometimes I get writing here and I think I'm making no sense at all and contradicting everything I write as I go. But, it's all theory, opinion and ideas. Take them as they are and make what you will of them.

I believe in Santa Claus. Maybe I just choose to believe. But I think there's more to it. In part it's the Christmas spirit generated in this season, sharing good cheer and love, friendship. Maybe it's the atmosphere of giving and not just taking. Maybe it's the strength of all those children who also believe in Santa Claus. All those things combine and make strong magickal forces. You may scoff all you like. But the fact is this is a powerful time of year. Each person wandering around with their own part in the whole of the Christmas spirit contributes to the power. Each good deed, each gift shared and each friend greeted is part of a huge ritual taking place.

Children traditionally set out offerings for Santa: milk and cookies, something for the reindeer and a tidbit for the elves. We send him notes asking for blessings. Santa also has ritual music and poetry, widely known and frequently chanted at this time of year. The rituals are passed on to each new child, carried along and given new life for each generation.

All those people, no matter what path they follow, know about Santa Claus. He's the focus of the spirit of giving and good will. For children he's the figure of authority, he who must be pleased. Cultural icon, old wives tale or commercial legend, Santa has been given power and there doesn't need to be an actual human being for that power to exist. We don't need to see a man in a red suit driving an air borne sleigh, packing a bottomless bag of toys to believe in Santa Claus. It's all around us, every moment of every day in this season.

So, scoff if you choose. But, I believe in Santa Claus. I like it that way.

Merry Yule, Seasons Greetings and leave Santa a little something tonight.

What would it feel like to live in your own skin if it was all new to you? I'm thinking about hearing the blood in your veins. Feeling your food being pushed along to digestion. Taking each breath rather than leaving it on auto-pilot. All those things we have grown so used to that we don't even feel them when we try. How different would your body feel if you felt everything going on inside yourself? How would you feel about your body? It would be kind of creepy I think. Too much information about all those regular functions we take for granted.

I was reading a book, one of those historical fiction type things. It's a different version of the story of Arthur and Guinevere. But, the book is turning into an advertisement for Christianity and the one true god. I hate it when that happens. First, it makes light of what people felt back then, how seriously they took their religion and the world they lived in. Secondly, it tries to make what I believe look foolish. The first part annoys me far more than the second.

You may be surprised. But, I don't have to defend my beliefs, I know what they are. I'm not on a crusade to promote Witchery or Paganism in general. I can be quite happy if all the world isn't Pagan. I'm willing to share but I'm not forcing anyone to see things my way. That's why I don't feel overly angry about the way my beliefs are treated in this book.

However, it's wrong to have someone convert to Christianity for no real reason. In the book the main character is a Pict woman, Guinevere. She has a slave (a Briton taken in war) translate when the tribes meet to discuss a treaty. Anyway, the slave is Christian, a monk previously as it turns out. She decides to learn the language since she becomes betrothed to one of Arthur's noblemen. During this time she is curious about the slave's religion and asks him about his beliefs. That's fine, I expect young people were curious about a lot of things, still are. But, I can't see her converting to another religion for such flimsy reasons as are presented in this book. The reader is expected to believe she suddenly finds her own religion hollow and meaningless just because the slave talks to her about one god. She goes to a sacred place and gets no answer to her prayers to the gods. So she prays to the one god of the slave instead. There's no answer there either but that's not mentioned in the book.

She asks the slave a lot of questions, doubting the existence or sincerity of his god. But even though he has no real answers beyond having faith and believing she accepts that. How would a real person back then choose to accept that over what she has always known? What her family and tribe continue to believe. It's like telling someone they have a third leg and expecting them to just believe it cause you said they should. It's based on nothing but the word of one person. Whereas her own religion is all around her, her ancestors and the people of her tribe.

So what does any of this have to do with the beginning of this? It's all about feeling your religion. I don't think religion or beliefs are something you can take off as you change your clothes. They shouldn't be something so light. You need to feel it all the time, in all kinds of ways and places. If you aren't feeling something special then you need to reconsider and investigate other ways, other paths. Like your body, if you forget how to feel the blood in your veins you're not really living fully. Maybe you're taking too much for granted and should start fresh, with a new perspective.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll finish the book. It's getting bogged down in dogma for me.

Christmas, by that name, is a Christian holiday, Christ's Mass is how it started as far as I remember. Also, if you want to get technical, holiday is also a Christian word, coming from holy day, the long, extended version before the remix.

I was thinking tonight, do you call it Christmas or always religiously, in a semi-fanatical way, call it Yule? To me, I don't think the small things are worth fighting against the tide over. I don't mind calling it Christmas or a holiday. I know what it means to me. I know where it comes from, historically and spiritually.

I also know how I celebrate it. I don't go to a church, not one recognized by the average Yellow Pages phone book. I live in my 'church' it's always with me and all around me. Mostly, I just like being outside. That's when I feel closest to everything that matters and makes me feel good.

So, for me Yule or Christmas, is about time outside as well as our family traditions. The Christmas tree, singing carols, the exchange of new pajamas on Christmas Eve, the big dinner, making bread together, driving around admiring the fancy coloured lights, and so on. My favourite things are fresh, new snow on Christmas day and admiring the tree all lit up and decorated with ornaments we've made and kept from year to year and relatives past.

However you feel about Yule, remember the spirit of the season. Don't insist people recognize you as Pagan, call it Yule whenever you might be listening and don't make someone feel their Christmas is less than your Yule. Play nice. Religious tolerance works both ways.